Holdingon - I was able to find them by clicking on my name, then on view all posts. Thank you very much. Now I'll try to link that last thread to this one - the others are all linked already.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
For some reason I can't post at the end of this thread - the "reply" box is missing????
Maybe posting here will work. Hope you are doing well. Things here are going pretty well overall, despite a very low PMA dip on my part???? Don't know what is wrong with me - just feeling like I'm not doing a good job in any facet of my life. Feeling a bit overwhelmed.
H has been wonderful, though, and hasn't seemed to notice, although I fear he probably has noticed, but is taking it in stride. I'm just feeling a little nervous in that I don't want to slip back into pro-bomb negative habits (especially the low self-esteem).
I rowed my own boat (to use Jackie's term)last night and went out with some friends, and while I was alone in the car I realized that under the surface, there is still alot of sadness. I haven't really felt this is a while. ??????
Anyway, I just need to pick myself up, put on a smile and push myself out of this hole I'm falling into.
Positives: 1. H said I looked great this AM - I was able to smile and say thank you with confidence, even though I feel like I look awful. 2. H and I watched a movie over the weekend together - like a mini date at home. 3. Still lots of laughing. 4. H is coming with me again to a doctor's appointment - this is something new - he has never done this except for OB appointments in the past. 5. H whistled at me a couple of times this weekend.
So why can't I feel happier? Yuck! Off to get some work done (work has gotten so crazy) and give myself a kick in the pants ~ Sorry for the sadsack post. Just needed to get it out. I truly have so much to be thankful for. I guess having some down days is a normal process in all this.
Take care, everyone. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
I know that kick in the pants feeling, I need one here. All is going well with H, he has been a gem, I just feel a bit lacklustered (is that even a word). Here at the library with a book called Stop Feeling Tired. I feel like I have lead in my bones.
Glad you rowed your own boat, maybe I don't do enough of it myself. It is probably harder for you with work and kids, but probably even more vital to have some fun for yourself.
Keep acting as if and thanking H for the compliments. Nothing is worse than giving a compliment and having someone tell you why you are wrong! So accept them as a fact, even if you don't think you look good, H does! And men can be right in some instances.
Thank you, Jackie for your post. It means alot to me to hear from you. Maybe I should check out that book too - feeling like I have lead in my bones too.
One thought for you - have your had your thyroid checked? It is an idea. Alot of women have thyroid disease that is unrecognized.
Mine is low, and I'm on meds. My levels were fine the last time they were checked. Your "lead in my bones" comment made me think of this.
Off to continue to kick myself in the pants. Anyone have a 2x4 I could borrow and use on myself?
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
HI Mockers! For some reason it feels good to know we are normal in that we all have these down feelings even thought there are lots who would kill to be reconciled or working on OR. Sounds like a few of us that have reconciled have put our own feelings off to the side in order to DB and when we get closer to our spouse we have to somehow work through the hurt of the lies and bad behavior and trying to ignore it to get to a higher place still hurts our self esteem I think. Ignore is a bad work- FORGIVE. Just the feeling of rejection makes us wonder what is wrong with me? I struggle a lot too and have never been so down on myself until this happened. I think somehow we have to get over it and it CANT be at the risk of sabotaging our own happiness. We cant punish ourselves. Somehow we let ourselves off the hook for keeping track of the hurt and what our response "should" be. Well, it is not our fault that our S decided to have an A. I didnt cause that. He chose to do and as he says, has to live with that for the rest of his life. I see myself doing it- I get upset that he doesnt feel "sorry" enough, I put a wedge between us, I feel worse and get thankful we are together and hope I didnt hurt our new fragile R!!!! What are some things that help? for me it is: doing things I want to do , becoming more independant by focusing on my wants. Like going for a run if I want or taking a bath if I want and trying to nicely voice things that bother me or opening up a little when I am upset. I dont know if these are all that good! but I would love to hear about other ways to fight off the destruction of making ourselves feel bad because we choose to forgive. Or try our best to !!! I love hearing about your sitch and the good things that H does or says. My H sent me flowers for V-day!! and a virtual flower too. Shay
HI Mockers! For some reason it feels good to know we are normal in that we all have these down feelings even thought there are lots who would kill to be reconciled or working on OR. Sounds like a few of us that have reconciled have put our own feelings off to the side in order to DB and when we get closer to our spouse we have to somehow work through the hurt of the lies and bad behavior and trying to ignore it to get to a higher place still hurts our self esteem I think. Ignore is a bad work- FORGIVE. Just the feeling of rejection makes us wonder what is wrong with me? I struggle a lot too and have never been so down on myself until this happened. I think somehow we have to get over it and it CANT be at the risk of sabotaging our own happiness. We cant punish ourselves. Somehow we let ourselves off the hook for keeping track of the hurt and what our response "should" be. Well, it is not our fault that our S decided to have an A. I didnt cause that. He chose to do and as he says, has to live with that for the rest of his life. I see myself doing it- I get upset that he doesnt feel "sorry" enough, I put a wedge between us, I feel worse and get thankful we are together and hope I didnt hurt our new fragile R!!!! What are some things that help? for me it is: doing things I want to do , becoming more independant by focusing on my wants. Like going for a run if I want or taking a bath if I want and trying to nicely voice things that bother me or opening up a little when I am upset. I dont know if these are all that good! but I would love to hear about other ways to fight off the destruction of making ourselves feel bad because we choose to forgive. Or try our best to !!! I love hearing about your sitch and the good things that H does or says. My H sent me flowers for V-day!! and a virtual flower too. Shay
