Forgetting those things which are behind......

[mockers2]

Another dip in the pma last night. Our older child is asking only for her daddy again, and saying very directly (that she doesn't want me. H thinks it's just a phase, but I wonder sometimes. A friend of mine at works says it shows she is really secure in my love for her and that she's attached to me. Lately I've been letting it go, but last night it just hurt.

I realized last night that it's similar to the feelings I've had before of not being good enough, fear of being left behind/not loved. It's something I have to deal with, as I don't want it to affect my R with her or with my H.

I had been trying to keep my feelings about this from H, but last night he heard me crying. He was very supportive, but I know it is not what he needs right now as things are getting tougher at this point in dealing with his father's death.

Sorry for such a sad sack post - just need to get this out here, so I can move past it for now. This a.m. went well. I acted as if I was the grown up and that I know she loves me, etc. Listened to my H without offering my opinion - maybe I offered one , but I didn't interrupt, which is good.

Positives:
1. H and I have the day off together tomorrow.
2. H has called me the last two days to thank me for his lunch.
3. We have another date next week.

Hope all of you have a good weekend. I'll be saying prayers and keeping you in my thoughts.

[Dagny]

Mockers,

It is sad when the prefer the other P, H and I have a name for it, we are the PP, or preferred parent for the day. It cycles with ours, except every morning when S4 gets up the first words out of his mouth are Where's Dad? Nothing about me. I have read about kids going through phases where they prefer a different sex/same sex parent depending on the age they are. I think I agree with you H, it is probably just a phase. For me (and since I'm a stay at homer, I see the kids a lot) it is a bit of a relief when I'm not PP. But, there are probably some child rearing books out there that would address this issue and make you feel better. Sometimes just knowing it is a phase and it is normal helps you get through it. Do an amazon search or browse the local book store and see what you can read about it. Heck, treat yourself to some coffee or tea and hang out at the local bookstore and browse the books while H deals with the kids.

The list of positives is good!

Jackie

[mockers2]

Hi everyone~

Thinking of all of you and keeping you in my prayers. I miss you!

Thank you, Jackie for your post. I have been doing some reading and talking to folks at work too. I am also trying to laugh and just let some things go - to depersonalize her behavior in a way, I guess. It has been going well this week.

Things are pretty stable at home. Positives:
1. H and I have been having some good talks - not R talks.
2. We had a date this week that went well.
3. We were discussing an issue about my SIL. I gave an opinion, then realized I wasn't listening and validating, that I was talking instead, and I said somehting to the effect of "I shouldn't really be commenting on this......" H said,"I want your thoughts and opinions on this." A very nice affirmation for me.
4. H called me to ask about the possibility of going out with the guys from work tonight. I acted enthusiastic and supportive. H called back soon after to say that the plans were cancelled, but that he really appreciated me being supportive. This doesn't sound like a big deal as I type it, but based on our pre-bomb R, this is a big step for us.

Here is an exerpt from my devotional for today that I thought was really applicable to keeping focused on the positive (Taken from Our Daily Bread - Dec. Jan. Feb.):

Missionary pilot Bernie May writes, "One of the most difficult lessons to teach new pilots about landing on short, hazardous airstrips is to keep their eyes on the good part of the strip rather than on the hazard. The natural tendency is to concentrate on the obstacle, the danger, the thing he is trying to avoid. But experience teaches us that a pilot who keeps his eye on the hazard will sooner or later hit it dead center." Bernie May sums it up by saying that experienced pilots focus their attention solidly on the track they want the plane to follow, keeping the hazards in their peripheral vision only.

This just seemed to fit with my struggle to stay focused on the positives, instead on my fears.

Hope all of you are doing well. Maybe work will slow down enough soon that I'll be able to post and read more. Take care~

[holdingon]

Thanks for that!

[grislen]

M,

Things are sounding good. Keep it up things are coming the way that you want it I suspect.

Lee

[Dagny]

Thinking of you. Did you get away for your business trip? Get some R&R?

Hope all continues to go well. Don't sweat the small stuff! (It's a book, I hear! LOL)

Did you see a flylady gathering 3/20 in NC? One of these years!

Jackie

[mockers2]

Good morning, everyone ~

I miss all of you so much!!!! Looks like work will not lwt up anytime soon. Hope you all are doing well today. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you Holdingon, Jackie and Lee for stopping by.

H- I'm glad you liked the devotional exerpt. It seemed pretty applicable to DB'ing in general. Keep hanging in there. You are doing a remarkable job - and handling it all with such grace. You are amazing.

Lee - It is hard to believe that things are going well here. I am continually amazed that even when there are rough spots - H is still here. Just have to keep steady and focused, and continue to work on the weak spots daily. I really appreciate you checking in. Hope you are doing well today.

Jackie - Thank you for stopping by. Things sound wonderful in your neck of the woods! I am so happy for you. !
I did not go on the business trip. It would have been the week after my FIL died, and I prayed about it and just didn't feel it was the right time to go. H said for me to go if I wanted to, so he was supportive, but I just felt like I was neede at home. It was the right decision - we were able to be with my MIL a good bit. There will be another chance to go.
It would be great to go to a Flyfest! If I could just sprout a few feathers, it would be nice - oh well, just keep swimming.....

Things here are going well. We had a good weekend, and a day off together yesterday. Positives:
1. H and I keep laughing.
2. I lost my temper with the kids last night, and H didn't get angry with me.
3. Rough patch over the weekend. We talked it through calmly.
4. Fewer and fewer thoughts of OW.

Goals to keep myself vigilant:
1. Pay attention to my appearance - toenails painted, stand up straight
2. Work on rowing my own boat (stealing from Jackie ) - get back to my hobbies, spend time with friends
3. Listen without interrupting, validate
4. Be my H's girlfriend too - flirt, dress up, be spontaneous
5. Continue 180's - order something different to eat, wear something different, change a small behavior
6. Continue to pray daily - all day every day

Hang in there everyone. Thank you all for your support and encouragement, and for your examples of strength.

[kml]

Your goals sound great

Ellie

[mockers2]

Thank you, Ellie. It means alot to me to hear from you.

[mockers2]

Positives:
1. every few days H asks how i'm doing - he's putting forth the effort to let me know he's concerned about me.
2. another date coming up
3. lots of hand holding and snuggling

Hope you are doing well today. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.