When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

Spent a very nice Sunday morning talking to one of our good pals from here on the board over coffee, that was brilliant! Thanks Ian!

It's been a bit on the crazy side the last few days and I was hoping that would take care of my restless feeling, but it's still hanging on.

Started cleaning out mom's room this weekend. Gabe helped me so that made it a little easier. We pulled all of her clothes out of her closet and went through a few boxes of her things that he had removed from her dresser so Marc could use it (his completely came apart last year and he had been living out of plastic containers since I couldn't spend the money for a new one for him). I found letters that my dad had written to my mom while they were dating long distance, valentine and anniversary cards he gave her, and TONS of pictures. It was quite a walk down memory lane and generated some tears but not as many as I expected. I think I gave it just enough time to keep it from being overwhelming.

This weekend I am taking Marc with me to a family reunion up in Kentucky at a state park. It's a bit of a stretch financially but I haven't been able to go for so long that it's totally worth it. While I'm gone, Gabe is going to run a yard sale for me...YEA! I hate doing them and have been avoiding it like the plague!

St. Augustine is definitely on my short list of places to go in the Southeast. How are the beaches there? That is really more of a priority to me right now than the history even though I love all of that stuff too.

[MichelleLT]

Always nice to see people. Coffee and chitchat sounds like fun.

I think craziness doesn't take care of it, more just distracts from it, which only makes it worse because the underlying cause isn't addressed.

Sounds like things are pretty good though. I'm sure it's difficult going through your mom's stuff, although probably good to start doing that and processing more of it. AWESOME that Gabe will run the yard sale while you are gone!

I didn't go on the beaches at St Augustine as I was only there a few hours, but there are beaches and beach access.

[mishka422]

Wish me luck! I'm leaving in about 7 hours to drive up to KY for my family reunion. 3 days of nonstop talking and food...ICK! Talking good, food NOT! I'm taking a bunch of fruit with me so I don't eat the cookies. Fingers crossed!

[MichelleLT]

Have fun!!!!

[sofaraway]

I enjoyed it myself

St. Augustine is great, the beaches between there and Jacksonville are my cup of tea. Not overly crowded, white sands, and clean.

How did the yard sale go??

[mishka422]

The yard sale went pretty well thank you! Gabe kept texting me the profits the whole time until I got up into the mountains and had next to no signal for 3 days. That was interesting! I could sit on my patio outside my room and sometimes get 1 bar...Woo hoo!!!

Thanks for all the advice on the eastern beaches. I really do want to head down to St. Augustine. I'm going to need to plan it ASAP.

The reunion was very nice. They held a memorial service for my mom even though this was my dad's family. They loved her so much and considered her to be the best thing that ever happened to my dad. She was the reason he stopped his 'he11 raisin' ways'. It was so fun to listen to their stories.

I received an email from my aunt, my mom's only surviving sibling. She lives in the San Diego area so I don't get to see her too often. She was asking me how I was doing with being orphaned now...UGH! I try not to think about that. Knowing I have a very large family is great, but not having that older person you've always been able to rely on around is very difficult. She did make two points in her email that have me thinking.

First, she mentioned that I don't usually show how I'm feeling so she's not sure what to say or do to help. She's right, I don't show my feelings. You all know why, I've told you before that through past history and traumas I had to shut myself down to protect myself from further harm. That is something that is now such a part of me that I find it really difficult to change.

Second, she asked me if Gabe and I were back together. She said she had been praying that we would work things out. I wasn't entirely sure how to tell her what was going on so I gave her the same pat answer I give everyone that asks. It's working for me now and when it isn't then I'll change things up. That answer sounds pretty hollow to me now. It's so dissatisfying and is starting to feel like a big cop out.

Why am I still so terrified to talk to him? This really is stupid of me. Of course, why do I feel I need definition to our R? Is it only because we have a history or is it because I feel like I'm at loose ends with him?

I know...broken record. I really should just put my big girl panties on and sit him down for a talk.

[kat727]

For one you are a grown woman totally capable of taking care of yourself. An orphan is a minor without parents to raise them. I am shocked that your own Aunt would say that!

As for Gabe, you can say simply that you are rebuilding your life with Gabe. You don't need to go into more detail than that. I will say he does get huge kudos from me as he just ran a yard sale without you!!! I am sounding like a broken record too...maybe you can break this whole conversation into small parts or you can start out by saying how much his being there has meant to you.

I think you also need to ask yourself what questions do you need answered. Does he see your relationship as different this time? Does he like where you both are at? You might bring up that you are wanting the relationship to become more stable, more romantic, more whatever. Mish, take charge of your life, your relationship and make it what you want. You deserve nothing less.

Hugs, kat

[kat727]

Yes, I am working on this too!

[MichelleLT]

Orphan!?!? Wow. Just wow. That's kinda messed up. Let's not act like it's a normal part of being mortal to lose the previous generations over the years, let's act like you're some little kid who's been abandoned and is unable to take care of herself.

That's a very weird choice of words, I agree with Kat.

As for Gabe, time to do some journaling I think. Figure out what really needs to be discussed. Then break that down again into specific goals. Things to be acted on, things to be said. Then find your time and take a deep breath and go.

(((Mishka)))

Sounds like a fun weekend overall! So neat about the memorial and the break from the normal day to day stuff.

[sofaraway]

I shall from here on out refer to you as little orphan Mishka.....wtf??????

You don't need big girl panties, just momentum, it all starts with a simple "hey can we talk a bit" build from there

Ian