The pedophile wants out of prison

[sleeper]

Oh, I almost forgot...(DAMN THAT "EDIT" BUTTON)

I was able to control my emotions/stop myself from dwelling on that event/go somewhere I didn't want to go and I remained centered.

[Truegritter]

I felt inadequacy, anger and regret all at once.

This is normal I think with anything that we love so much but can't control.

You are only crazy if you try to Sleeper.

Feel it.

Give it its due.

But don't let it consume you. The man has made enough damage already.

I cannot begin to know that feeling other than it happened to my wife and not my child.

And long before I knew her. It is worse than murder IMO.

It keeps on affecting lives.

Stop that pathalogy. You can.

Stop the madness.

You CAN control you.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

How are you doing Sleep?

[sleeper]

I'm tired.

[Andabelle]

I'm so sorry, Sleeper. I hope this all comes to a good (as possible) end soon.

[figgeroni]

Sleeper...I was molested when I was around 2 years old by my bio dad. I started having memories of it happening when I was in college. (I remembered when I was younger but the people I chose to tell told me not to talk about it)

When my mom and dad found out my dad's 1st reaction was to kill him

part of me really wanted that (10%)

but mostly

I really wanted to hear that he would (90%)

I needed my dad there to protect me and love me even though that crap happened to me and I needed to hear that he wanted to kill him for doing that to me

I knew there was nothing that could have stopped my bio-dad from molesting me

nothing anyone could have done...he was an evil man who did evil things in secret and cleverly

your daughter will know that there is nothing you could have done to stop him
but
she will want to know that you wanted to kill him
but knew that she needed you here more
and
it will matter that you chose to do the thing that was harder...let him live

because

We know it is harder to let them live than it is to give in to those feelings and end their miserable evil existence

it really is harder

so
you are the stronger daddy for her
by letting him live
and continuing to be there for her
to be strong for her
and clear the monsters out of her closet no matter how old she might be when they turn up

[sleeper]

Thanks figeroni.

What you posted means a lot to me. I'm sorry you went through that. My X was "molested" by her bio father as a child, then later her/our daughter was "molested". Part of that "perfect storm" the counselor described that destroyed our marriage.

Recently X told me her father "fell into her arms crying and begging forgiveness" just a couple of months ago on a visit(they see each other every few years). It really impacted her emotionally and now she has to deal with this parole hearing.

I went back to the Parole Office today as I've recieved no official written verification that the hearing I've been informed by phone will actually take place. After the previous one was cancelled without notification I'm taking nothing for granted. The local office was no help so I'm waiting for word from the state office.

Oh, X told me yesterday that if she drives all the way to that prison AGAIN and the guard at the gate tells her it's cancelled she will floor the accellerator and crash through the gate anyway. She added it should make national news if nothing else and bring some attention to "this bullsh*t".

I believe she will do it.

[figgeroni]

I will watch the news (just in case)

You are a good dad sleeper
it is all anyone can aspire to be

and you are doing the toughest thing, I think
by NOT giving in to those base emotions and ripping his face off

that takes real courage
real strength
and is a testament to the real man you are

it is what makes you a real dad

it is what makes my dad a real dad too

my bio-dad donated some DNA...but he was never a dad

You, my friend, are a DAD...the toughest job around (next to a MOM)

[sleeper]

Thanks, figgeroni

While I was typing the phone rang. It was the State Parole Office confirming the hearing is indeed in two weeks.

That's good news as I'm ready to get this behind me.

[sleeper]

If I owned a horse, I'd name it "Trigger."

Since the parole hearing "bomb" last April, it seems triggers are everywhere, especially where I don't expect them.

Sat night I was watching, "The Family Man" starring Nicholas Gage. There is a scene where he is changing his son's diaper and his little girl has to tell him what to do. The two children are the same sex and approximately the age of our children when the perp offended and the destruction of our family began. The little boy is crying in the scene. I was struck by the thought the kids in the movie were the same age as ours and that my daughter told me her little brother was crying, locked in his bedroom while the perp assaulted her. I had to leave the room.

In the movie Gage's character doesn't want to be a "family man", an angel has rewritten his life to what it might have been. He has a wife, two beautiful children and a house made a home by his family and a nice little middle-class life. What he at first doesn't want, he begins to realize is the perfect life. At one time I had that. I don't anymore. I want it back. I want my life back.

This is the second time since April a movie has provided a "trigger" for an overwhelming emotional response. I don't know if it meets the definition of a "flashback". These experiences are probably the best indication of how much this parole hearing has affected me.