When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[oldtimer]

"Even after quite a lot of therapy that is something I haven't been able to break through. There was a time where I made a pretty good start at it..."

Sounds to me like you are getting back to your good start and getting close to moving forward again :-)

This is the best thing for you and your R.

And, FWIW, being withholding in the way you are PREVENTS Gabe from having the opportunity to love you in a deeper way. It is a roadblock to intimacy.

[MichelleLT]

Even after quite a lot of therapy that is something I haven't been able to break through. There was a time where I made a pretty good start at it and then Gabe came back and my mind went haywire and the eggshell walking began again.

Old habits are VERY hard to break. The nice part about the D and the therapy was that you had new space in which to work on yourself, you were forced into new habits and patterns because the situation changed so drastically. But now you have Gabe back and no therapist, so it is harder to work on breaking those old patterns.

But you have accomplished a lot!

You have moved from unconscious incompetence in communicating those things to conscious incompetence. You are aware of what you want to work on, the patterns you want to change.

You just need to keep progressing towards conscious competence, which you do every time you address one of these issues like you have done!

And then, in the future, you can look forward to unconscious competence where you don't have to come on here and plan what to say and agonize over it in advance, you will be able to just do it!

You have made progress. Don't beat yourself up about the pace, just focus on the steps you have taken. And keep moving forward, one step at a time. It's scary, but you are worth it!

(((Mishka)))

[Reincarnated]

Could you write it down for him to read? Ask him to take a look at it when it is a good time for him, and tell him you hope that he can start the conversation (make sure it is a good time for you, too!).
Another trick that works with serious convos and teens is to talk in the car - no eye contact relieves some of the pressure...

[mishka422]

After 2.5 years of being on reduced work weeks at my office we are finally getting our full time hours back. Now we need to know if we're getting our week of vacation back that we lost. UGH.

Thank heavens though. That two days a month has really hurt badly.

[MichelleLT]

WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(((Mishka)))

[mishka422]

Hey! I have a tip for any of you who do Zumba or are considering it. DUCT TAPE!

WTH does duct tape have to do with aerobics? Simple. A strip of duct tape down the middle part of the ball of your sneaker will allow you twist more freely and greatly reduces the torque on your knees.

That is my Ms. Fix-it tip of the day! LOL

[MichelleLT]

That's an awesome idea!

How's the being back at work full-time going? Any word on those vacation days yet?

[whatisis]

I've often found taping my mouth, rather than my shoes, to be quite helpful!

[Reincarnated]

I thought you were going to suggest taping down "the girls," since there is a lot of bouncing involved.

[mishka422]

I thought you were going to suggest taping down "the girls," since there is a lot of bouncing involved.

Oh boy, my girls won't be bound down like that! LOL I actually wear two sports bras though. One that is by Danskin that is made for high impact sports and another one that is one size too small but doesn't have quite the amount of spandex in it, more cotton so the girls can breathe a little.

Wii, I don't think there is enough duct tape in the world for my mouth!!!! HA!

So far, so good on the full-time hours. I haven't been able to ask about the vacation days yet since the owner left the country for two weeks right after telling us about getting our hours back. I'll have to approach her when she gets back.