Who am I now?

[irishblessings]

One part of divorce that I don't think I will EVER get over is the dynamic of secrets. What used to be ours in terms of relationships with kids, friends, family etc. are now his and mine. Kids don't feel like they can talk to other parent, etc. Another casualty.

Productive day - trying to do the next right thing.

[beatrice]

IB one of the saddest things that has come out of all this for me, nearly 6 years down the line, is a comment that my youngest son made. My xh is attempting [rather feebly] to rebuild relationships with his sons, and I asked my son how it was going - I rarely talk about my xh to them, btw. And he said that he could never again have his father close enough so that he could hurt him as much.

There was little I could say, except to feel huge compassion for both - the one who was hurt and the one who did so much damage. There are no winners in this, sadly. But there are survivors!! Your children will be able to talk to you in time Right now they see you hurting. If your h is sensible he will maintain a relationship with his children throughout this. Some manage it, many don't, and it damages them both.

[irishblessings]

Really nice day by swimming pool with D. Her friend and her friend's mother came. Listened to ANOTHER story of divorce. Her tales of dating were frightening. But she keeps putting herself out there.

Let me just say - I'm not there yet!!!!!

[punkin]

Irish,

You are doing one day at a time, and if that works best for you Bravo! I think most of us practice it to one extint or another. Hard on us long term planners, though, isn't it.

[Lorie1964]

IB I am so glad you had fun with your D and friends. I could not imagine what it would be like out there dating again. I have heard stories too. I am thankful that I am happy with me and that I don't need anyone to complete who I am and where I am going. You are the same! A strong woman who is embarking on the world with great strength and a bit of trepidation. You go girl!!

[ericmsant2]

IB

Her tales of dating were frightening

Just wanted to point out that with everything in life, many sitchs, experiences are unique. That said, the key word in the above quote is HER - youre expereience can be different.

Let me just say - I'm not there yet!!!!!

Then don't rush it IB....take your time. As long as it takes.

Glad to see you had fun with D.

God Bless,
Eric

[irishblessings]

Thanks all. Met with IC today (proudly I am now making it a whole MONTH between appointments!) So much still to work through but the key is I AM working so doing ok!

[irishblessings]

Did a round trip back to my hometown for a family funeral - 8 hours in the car. First time I've seen my extended family since this whole thing unfolded. Just felt odd. Very busy week - too busy really. Off track a little bit from where I was last week. Time to re-group.

[irishblessings]

Finally - the end of the week! Crazy busy. Plus S challenging every boundary. So son and I have a come to Jesus - with me in the role of Jesus - and guess what? It went REALLY well. He asked a lot of questions about H's indiscretions - just curious - so I very gently talked about privacy issues - and that overall people deal with their unhappiness in different ways. Trying to take in advice from all my self-help books regarding addiction and such - honest but appropriate!

Anyway - it went very well. I have a great son - just a challenging 17 year old!

[irishblessings]

XHs craziness continues. S shared that H has missed a lot of work and that today at graduation everyone kept asking S where his dad was. S said his dad comes in with 2 minutes remaining - pushing the envelope always. Then found out that s's basketball coach asked H to drive one of the buses to an upcoming day and H replied in email if it would be ok if he brought his gf! Coach made an excuse to say he didn't need another bus. We all are just looking at each other and saying "REALLY"???? Next weekend will be one year since H left and so much has changed and happened. Craziness!