Thanks Beatrice. I feel that H is definitely feeling his way here and exploring possibilities. I saw the therapist agin today and she affirmed the slow but steady progress made. For example when I was out of town last week he took me to the airport and hugged me goodbye, text me to see how things were going one night (a first), collected me from the airport and when I came home there was homemade soup in the fridge. It feels ok as it is and I feel quite strong emotionally and so I continue.....slowly, slowly.
I should also add that I feel better since I started seeing the therapist and know that I am more consistent in my approach and responses with H. That's not to say that I don't feel impatient and challenged by this!!!
I have been following along and thinking about you every day.
I think you are well on the road to reconnection with H regardless of how slow the progress seems to be.
As it was put by another poster: The closer you get to reconciliation the harder it is to see the progress.
Keep the faith and keep doing what you are. It is working very well for you
I plan to reply to you in the alt.
(((((Hugs)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
It's good to hear from you. There's not much happening on one hand and lots on the other. Crazy!!
I sense forward movement and a very comfortable and quite supportive relationship between us. However, it's still somewhat one sided. H is showing more care and concern but there's still a great deal that's all about him.
Hi Rabbit, Good to hear from you as always. Things are travelling along reasonably smoothly and I am following my therapist's advice. It seems good, especially compared to the past. H is receptive to co-parenting and is very supportive of me as the primary parent, is working towards positive relationships with extended family and friends and is really listening to me. He accepts the majority of invitations I issue and gives reasons for non-acceptance. He's dipping his toe in the water but occasionally it's still a little too cold and he runs away. The length of this run has reduced considerably and it's usually the next day that he shows his face again. I can see that he is considering possibilities but this takes such a long time!!
As always I am impatient and I am tired of initiating. Mostly we're having dinner at each other's houses and fairly casual conversations. I just want to start having a social life with him; nothing too elaborate but just dinner or movies or drives; things to look forward to together. He makes noises about doing these things but they never seem to come to fruition and at this moment I am tired of being the initiator.
I know this sounds whiny when others would so love to be in my position but I have been at this a VERY long time!!
Hun you are not wrong to be tired of iniating, and perhaps when you feel the time is right you should very cheerfully tease him its his turn to organise the next date! Or do you feel its a date or is it more meeting a mate for coffee?
Dont settle for less just because you think its what everyone wants! It really has to be perfect for you first and then everyone will be happy you are happy..
Im fine lots going on and a fantastic trip to Vienna for my 25th wedding anniversary. We really try and make time with each other and if life goes a bit pearshaped and busy we plan some thing in so we have it to look forward too instead of feeling neglected.
I think your journey is going to be slow but for it to be the perfect ending you deserve dont rush it however frustrating it might be!
Take care hun!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks Rabbit....so glad things are going so well for you. I think making time for each other is crucial so that you have things to look forward to. It's about addressing each other's needs isn't it? I am wondering if this will ever happen in my situation. H still seems caught up on his needs. He sees me if it fits in with his plans but if he's tired or busy it seems he doesn't manage to compromise in any way. I am trying hard to keep things smooth and not be too demanding/needy but it's still really all about him. I am starting to feel a bit resentful about this I think and although I do try to remind myself that it's early days and he's made no commitment to me I do feel heartily sick of it all. Trying to whinge here so I don't bombard him!!
Totally with you hun! When H first came back home believe me it was still all about him and I fitted in where?
In fact we actually had a laugh about this the other day, H got a bit stroppy for a minute and then took a step back rephrased what he was saying and dropped the attitude, I couldnt help but smile and say "thank goodness for that I thought for a moment petulant child was making a come back and believe me I would so have been outta here if he had"
Yes keep things smooth but boundaries boundaries boundaries hun! I was chatting with GAG last night and cant push boundaries home enough.. Petulant child comes home but if you let petulant child run riot they stay that way and never get any better! H was horrid when he first came back in particular about contacting my sister, but I kept my ground and respected me 100% it took about six standings of my boundaries till I got sick enough of it to push my luck and state "its her or me who do you want" I then turned tail went to work and felt as sick as a pig all day, when I came home it was to a changed man, petulant child was on the decline :-)
Yes keep things smooth but even if you were sited as being the reason for him leaving remember half of his reasoning is utter twaddle, not to him but certainly not the truth either.. Do something about things you agree you needed to change and set boundaries on changing into a pushover.
Winge way away get your frustrations out and dont let them eat you up and poison your attempts at going forward. Set some dates for seeing changes, how long are you going to organise meetings, when is it time to cancel one and go do something else for you, when is it time for you to be tired and have a hairwash night.. When is it time for you to pick something you want to do and he might not but ask him to support you and come anyway? When is it time to say ok we are great freinds but we are never gonna be a couple! Set these all up in you mind, diary, word document, reread them as all of these reiterate you are a single lady with a mind and choice of her own, he on the other hand will be the one missing the bus!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
