I agree with brooklyn, that re-reading your old journal will only tare you up inside and make you focus on the negative. Maybe find some inspirational reaings or self help books on emotions at the library. I find that reading is one of the best things I feel helps me during all these past/current three times my H has left.
I cant focus on novels, so I have indulged in bying alanon books and inspirational literature, that I feel gives me some answers.
Have you read co-dependent no more. I feel it can be applied to many of our sitch's here on these boards... (not just for those that lived with alcoholics). TIPPER
Oops! you must have missed reading the thread from MY terrible weekend when I re read all the old emails. EECCHH! There is nothing to be gained but more heartache. But that's the past. Leave it buried there.
YOU. Whether you believe it or not, you are a strong, capable individual and manageing the finances is one way to convince yourself of just that. My friend says I can squeeze a penny til it screams. Slight exageration, but I am thrifty. You learn to be. And it gives you a powerful sense of fulfillment when you do it. Even if you are in the red now, working through this and digging yourself out is another step towards realizing your own worth. I'm certainly not Donald Trump, but I'll be glad to help you sort through any quagmire your XH left you in. There are probably others here even better than me.
Your son is going through his own personal He11 right now, and you can't guide him through. You can suggest, of course. You can ask that he be more considerate of the position you yourself are in. You can seek help from others in your community that can give guidance. People that he respects. How about his Coach? He's probably aware of the sitch, but doesn't want to intrude, and if you asked, would be more than happy to give a little extra guidance. All without your son knowing you asked, of course. And besides, some pushing of the boundaries at his age is unfortunately perfectly normal, just bad timing.
Irish, you are a wonderful, loving, trusting person who got shafted. We all did to some extent or the other. But that doesn't define who you are, UNLESS YOU LET IT. Get out there, wave and smile at neighbors, work in your yard. Be the happy, friendly person you are inside. I can't tell you what you find as a purpose; you have to find that for yourself, but you can and will find it.
Day 4 - Not sure what really sparked this move into a "narrow path" of recovery - but for me it has been comforting rather than stifling.
For me, re-reading the journals gave me some perspective of the chaos and sickness that had taken over my life. That part is gone. Signs of the sick behavior appear when he flaunts OW around or tries to force her on the kids - basically his detachment from reality and from those who loved and cared for him for so long. But those appearances are intermittent rather than constant.
Will be alone for most of the weekend and I am actually looking forward to it. Need the time to relax and meditate about next steps.
So grateful to have this board...
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Hey IB I'm going to be alone for the bulk of the weekend too (well, from now through the weekend and probably then some) as I have a sick cat and can't go anywhere since she needs meds twice a day--so I'll be checking if you need anything. I'm feeling a rough spot coming on myself and I'm just trying to talk myself out of it. We can do that together :-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Day 5 and doing fine! Went to the grocery - got gas - ready for the weekend. Home alone - watching movies and relaxing. Enjoying the freedom of no accountability right now to anyone but myself.
Hope everyone has a good one!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
FINALLY - the prospect of beautiful sunny days in a row!!! Plan to accomplish a few things today. Helping a friend by babysitting this afternoon. Relaxing this evening. Middle D coming home tomorrow - so I'll do some cooking (which I haven't done in a while). All in all - not a bad life:) Day 6 and still recovering!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
You are doing great! The sunny days will help your "mood" as well. Enjoy your time w/your family!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have hit Day 7 of "recovery" and I feel better - better than I did a week ago. I've just slowed down - socially, physically, mentally, emotionally. Kept a very narrow window open of what I do. It has allowed me to sleep better, shed some weight, think more clearly, and yes - unfortunately FEEL more of the hurt, loss, etc. But having the other aspects a little more balanced has allowed me to recognize if you give it 90 seconds or so - the pain does begin to subside. It's a little lonely I'll admit - but I am ok. Still have NO idea what I am doing or who or what I want to be but I'm hoping that will come.
Looking forward to sitting by water somewhere today and soaking in the sun!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
