Who am I now?

[irishblessings]

I'm hoping to to slip back because XH brought OW again to son's bb tourney. Games all weekend. I absolutely HATE that he brings her there. She has never met son. But XH's needs and wants come before everyone else's - including his kids. Plus - last year at this exact same tourney - we were still married. So strange...

I can't bring myself to interact with him. Therefore I'm probably not very appealing to him - I know I'm supposed to act as if I am all good - but I am not there yet. Maybe someday. Don't get me wrong - I don't make scenes - I just don't come around him.

Yuck!

[job]

IB,
I understand how you feel completely and I'm sure the other posters do to. It takes time to heal and w/him bringing the ow around, it's adding salt to the already open wound that is trying to heal. I most certainly wouldn't be around him either, especially if the ow is there as well.

You will heal in your own time and at your own pace. Until that time, you do what is necessary to help you get to that place. If it means not coming in contact w/him, so be it.

Please take care of yourself.

[irishblessings]

Thanks Snodderly - I meant I didn't want to slip back into downer mode. But it is so hard.

These feelings are SO troubling! So many of these feelings are petty - and I know that - but it doesn't stop them from rearing their ugly heads. I know it is what I do with them that is important - but it gets exhausting trying to keep them under control.

[punkin]

Irish,

If at all possible, sit where you CAN'T see them without making a neck craning spectacle of yourself.

Also, how much longer is she going to stay interested in these games just to please XH? When S involved doesn't have anything to do with her?

Remember why you are there. Your son, no one else. No hidden agenda on your part. You can be proud, so enjoy these games like you really do, and when your son looks up in the stands, let him see his Mom beaming at him. ((Hugs))

[ericmsant2]

Irish

Then don't control them. Feel them and then let them go. Trying to control them must take a lot of energy, feeling then letting go just may help.

[d1adsl5a]

Irish: Control our feelings and other feelings is the hardest thing. I am still trying to control ex's feelings on not trying to go after sole custody. I am trying to get her to see the light not to use our kids as pawn's for money. I am trying to learn that it is ok that things are out of control right now. I don't have a choice but to embrace it. You have to do the same thing...Just learn to deal with our situations. It the last week, I have had insomnia every other night trying to figure out my situation. it is so hard to let go and not worry about everything. When I lay down at night, the thoughts come and i it is hard to just relax and let go.

These are the hardest times of our lives. We will get through it. It is day by day, hour by hour, week by week...

[irishblessings]

Miserable weekend at bb tourney. XH and OW literally laying on each other in the stands. holding hands every where. She is up yelling and screaming as if she knows the team. Son was so upset and it was just terribly uncomfortable for XH to act that way in a place where people know us as a family. It was embarrassing.

I need a new life!

[Lorie1964]

((((IB))))

[d1adsl5a]

Irish,

Sorry to hear. I know how painful that can be. Just know that someday it will hit him what he did and is doing to you. That gut wrenching feeling will go away someday. He is hiding right now with OW. It is safe, easy and he thinks makes him whole. It is shortlived.. Give it time, they all figure it out someday..

[irishblessings]

Honestly, I'm just so blown away by the MLCr's ability to detach themselves from those people who have been essential in their every day lives. It is as if my XH has no connection to the life we shared for almost 30 years. His new love - she is the one who deserves his attention, his protection, - I will NEVER understand it.

My role to date has been X's wife and D, D, and S's mother. His disposal of me has sent me to this place where I have lost any sense of self. Never, in all these years, have I ever regretted my role. I loved it. I am so out of my element.