back again

[any chance?]

There is no doubt she is feeling 'done' right now. She has a plan in her mind, which involves a D and moving across the country. I have asked her to give me another 6 months, especially as I just returned from a 3.5 month trip. I told her that we would both need to be willing to give 100%. I don't think she is going to be willing to do that.

So do I just sign the papers, and let the D go through? Is this how I am supposed to give her room?

Do I have her move out of the house once I sign the papers? Cut all ties? She said yesterday that she did not want to do that, but I don't know what else to do.

I am a wreck here.

[InAPickle]

Like someone earlier said, she doesn't need your "permission" to leave. What is her state of mind? Is there any doubt?

My W had her mind made up the day she dropped the bomb and nothing I could say or do would make her change it.

Assuming she's done - for now:
If she does serve you papers, you'll have 30 days to respond.
Get some legal advice. Sit down with W and make thing as amicable as possible - less legal expenses that way.
Do youy have children? - Huge factor.
It's gonna be painful - but it wont kill you

Don't do anything or neglect to do anything that you will regret later. Don't act on emotions, whatever you do.

[any chance?]

She says she just wants to be happy. In her mind, happiness means cutting me out of her life, and moving on.

I don't no how to proceed. Give her room means letting the D go through. Do I go for a legal separation instead, which would benefit her, but not help with any sort of reconciliation. Or do I just let her do what she wants to do and move on with my life?

This is very difficult, as it is happening hours after I returned from an extended trip. I should never have taken that trip. I fear the die is cast, and all is lost.

[any chance?]

Ok. Things are moving a lightening speed relative to the same time, same place last year.

I think I need to sign the D papers, allow the process to start. Not signing them is only going to build resentment, and I cannot force her to go to counciling or force her to reevaluate our R or her decision. I think I need to let her stay in the house until she is ready to move out of town after the D. The knowledge that she is getting out of the marriage and moving out of town will probably help her depression. Maybe during that time she will recognize who I am and who I have become. Maybe during that time, she will see what she stands to lose. Maybe she won't go through with it.

So I will be the nice guy.

Maybe I am just a fool.

[jbnati]

Unfortunately, she's going to do what she's going to do. If you don't give her room, it's just going to push her away faster. Like IaP said, if she serves you papers, you have 30 days to respond. Use the time wisely. DB your tail off. Also, the more amicable you make it, the better the odds for reconciliation. Again, like IaP mentioned, it's less expenses anyway.

I think the better you DB, the more confused she will be when she moves out.

[any chance?]

So I will be the nice guy, the caring guy. I will give her the speech about how much I love her and always will and will be here for her whenever she needs me. I will sign the papers and start the proceeding. Give her the space she needs to see if she can be happy on her own on the other side of the country.

I will let her stay in the house during the process, and hope the GAL/DB confidence thing works.

And when she walks out of my life forever, I will be crushed. This is not the right thing to do.

[any chance?]

I am more or less just rambling in my despair and confusion, so forgive my babblings.

I am going to tell her I will sign the papers this afternoon. She needs to move forward with her decision and her plans, or she will resent me forever. Maybe she will decide she has made a mistake, or maybe not. Time is not on my side on this issue, as I have 120 days now until everything is final. I think once the D happens, everything is over and there is no going back.

Am I a fool to offer a legal separation so that she can continue with health care why she finds her new life? I care for the woman deeply, and just want to make sure she is OK.

[jbnati]

Am I a fool to offer a legal separation so that she can continue with health care why she finds her new life? I care for the woman deeply, and just want to make sure she is OK.

You could always throw it out there and see what she says.

Don't you have a certain amount of time to respond to the papers? You should get a L if you don't have one to protect yourself.

Is there really a need to help her fast track this thing? Will she resent you if you go along with it, but not necessarily the fast track? Have you talked at all about dividing assets?

[any chance?]

The only reason to help her 'fast track' is to avoid invalidating her decision. She feels good she has made this decision (D and move) and anything I do that hinders that decision will be seen as me controlling.

Saw a L last year. Will see him again in June.

[any chance?]

I was going to tell her that I will sign the papers last night, but the timing was not right. We agreed to give things a break yesterday,and last night as we hung out, watched TV and I cooked dinner, everything was pleasent. Seperate bedrooms, but a squeeze before bed and she came out to say goodbye as I left this morning. WTF? Doesn't seem like a woman who wants to cut me out of her life entirely. But I have no choice but to let her do what she wants and sign the papers.