85 Days

[Denver_2010]

Denver, I've been watching your threads for a while as it seems you are a couple of months ahead of where my W and I are. You're also a month and a half ahead on the concert (we, or I still assume we, are seeing U2 at the end of June). And I also feel like we're (W and I) on a tilt-a-whirl in and out of each others lives, kinda like you and your W.

The show will be a blast no matter who you go with. Just remember that. Yes, going with W would be better, but if she doesn't go it'll be her loss.

Jack, I'm going to have to take the same advice you gave to Denver. When I created a 'mix tape' for W last year, I included 'With or Without You' on it. It'll just be another song they play, right?

Thanks LP. I may need to catch up on your thread. It is nice to have people who can relate to what you are going through.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Just cancelled reservations that W and I had to stay at the Ritz Carlton the night of the U2 concert. Very depressing to think that she and I were in a place in March where these plans were good for both of us, to the place that we are in now.

BITS
Denver

[LearningPatience]

One of the things I had to learn (patience) was that things go at their own pace, no matter how we want them to proceed. I was convinced last fall that W and I would be back together by xmas. Things generally went forward, and then backward, and here we are still on the tilt-a-whirl.

Hard to hear now, but just because you canceled your reservation for this weekend doesn't mean you won't get back to that place where you are spending the night together after a big outing. It just won't be this weekend. Enjoy the time you do spend together (and assume you will go with her unless you don't... be confident!)

[Denver_2010]

One of the things I had to learn (patience) was that things go at their own pace, no matter how we want them to proceed. I was convinced last fall that W and I would be back together by xmas. Things generally went forward, and then backward, and here we are still on the tilt-a-whirl.

Hard to hear now, but just because you canceled your reservation for this weekend doesn't mean you won't get back to that place where you are spending the night together after a big outing. It just won't be this weekend. Enjoy the time you do spend together (and assume you will go with her unless you don't... be confident!)

Thanks LP. I'm really needing the words of encouragement right now.

For me, in March, and even February to some to degree, I was very confident that my W would be moving back into our home when her lease expired at the end of this month. I thought that we would be seriously piecing by the time that summer was here.

Now... obviously that hope, that expectation, has been dashed. I'm having a VERY difficult time dealing with it and finding the strength to continue the fight.

I have been told over and over again that my anticipated timeline was unrealistic. I guess that is right, but it is very hard to accept when EVERYTHING my W was saying and doing indicated that things were moving in that direction.

I KNOW that I have to accept the reality of the way that things are... to accept that truth...

Some things are easier said than done though.

BITS
Denver

[♪CS♪]

Some things are easier said than done though.

This is definitely true. This is HARD. I like the line "It's not complicated, but it's not easy"

I do understand how hard it must be after the expectations you had. I don't blame you for having them, it DID seem like everything was in place.

But you did it before man, you can do it again. It's been brought up about breaking it down into smaller pieces, I think this is a GREAT idea. Today I will do X. During the next 3 days, I will do Y. And keep going from there.

When we look at it as a whole, it IS daunting.

I went from feeling really positive to having to go through the D papers today. First time I have looked at them since being served. It is HARD. Reality, hope, expectations, timelines, baby steps, moving forward, moving backwards, feeling good, feeling bad, excited, dissapointed, yada yada yada. This is what we are dealing with.

Ever seen the movie "Smoky and the Bandit?"

"West Bound and Down, 18 Wheels Are Rolling
We Gonna Do What They Say Can't Be Done
We've Got A Long Way To Go, And A Short Time To Get There
I'm West Bound, Just Watch Ol' Bandit Run!"

[Long_Way_To_Go]

Hi Denver-
Just finished reading your thread and can very much relate to how hard it is to give a WAS space. My H left 9 months ago. Soon after he left he told me that what he needed from me was to 1) give him space and 2) be a safe person for him to talk to (meaning to not be judgmental, I guess). We were best friends, could talk for hours and enjoyed spending time together, so giving him the space he asked for seemed impossible to me.

It's been 7 months since either of us has uttered a single word about our relationship. I have backed off and let him do what he feels like he needs to do. There were times that I didn't talk to him for several weeks at a time. It has been hurtful, painful, difficult and most of all lonely but I know that I have done my best to give him what he has asked for. And believe it or not, in time I have gotten used to not seeing or talking to him as much. It's still not what my choice would have been, but I'm am proud of myself for doing it and think I will be a better wife (hopefully to him) in the future because of it. Right now we see each other about once a week. I don't know what the future holds, but I hope giving him this space will give our relationship another chance.

Don't know if this helps, but wanted to share.