Backslid just a little this morning. Got up and went downstairs before he left. He came down and asked me where the fan thing was for the air mattress and I said I didn't know. He looked for it for a little bit then left for work.
Before he went, I walked up to him and took his hand and said. M: I wish you wouldn't do this. H: I know. I just can't relax here. M: I understand. M: I think we can make this work. H: I know. I'm sorry.
Then I let go of his hand and walked away a little weepy.
I know, bad girl. But I felt like I needed to say something about him walking out like this on me again.
H needs the car to move his stuff. I told him he would need to schedule time with me as I'm busy. He says busy tonight? I say busy tonight, tomorrow and Sunday.
So somehow we worked out that he will get the car tonight after I get back from being out with people - no idea when this ends.. midnight, 2am, etc. So silly.
Ouch...it does get better. One positive- Finally, you can hunt for a job without any consideration of what your h wants/needs. Seems perhaps like a small thing, but freedom is not a small thing. Embrace it.
(( hugs ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
It's hard to say it or believe it but him moving out is probably a good thing. I think he needs to be out of here to process and to de-stress/relax. We're both walking on eggshells around here and while I'm giving up opportunities to DB in person - it wasn't really effective when he was avoiding the house at all costs and unable to function.
I don't see how an air mattress and some clothes in an unfurnished expensive apartment helps but hopefully it does.
Ouch...it does get better. One positive- Finally, you can hunt for a job without any consideration of what your h wants/needs. Seems perhaps like a small thing, but freedom is not a small thing. Embrace it.
(( hugs ))
Well, the job hunt is still hard. Do I stay here or do I move clear across the country? I applied in both places for now but I feel like moving away from here completely would be a mistake right now.
Side note. I really need to write down the crazy things he is doing and how he is not thinking right now. It will help me remember just how unstable he is even though he sounds so very sure of himself.
1 - Didn't realize I would want to look through all our possessions and decide for myself what to take or what not to take. 2 - Goes to get out of the house and read somewhere at 10pm after everything (ie coffee shops) are closed. 3 - Left his Kindle on the shelf here by the door and hasn't picked it up in 3 days. He is an avid reader and reads every day on his walk to and from work (a high point of his day for relaxing and relieving stress). 4 - Moves out of the house with only an air mattress and some clothes into an expensive short term rental. 5 - Needs the car tonight to move things yet he is going out drinking with his pals. Can't drive the car if you're drunk...
These are the only ones I can remember right now. You'd have to understand how my H is to understand why it's so odd for him to not think clearly, logically and intelligently about everything.
I think it is a requirement for a WAS to do things with out thinking.
I don't think you should move across the country, at least not yet. See what happens in your sitch, and leave on your terms, not to run away from something.
I know this, bc I felt the same way and truly thought about doing just that, even though I knew it was a rash decision at the moment. I still think about it, but in different terms. And I don feel rushed to do it either.
BITS
M:34 W:28 SD:9 D:6 (pr) M:3 T:6 Separated 1/16/11 ILYBNILWY 10/25/10 PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10
I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
When h was at his "Go to the Tundra Alone" peak, I put in an application for a job in Italy, for a one year gig. My kids were FINE with it and I got excited too. I said nothing to h about it but he saw the job application. I am sure he wondered wth? And when he realized that WE would ALL go, and h would be wherever he was, idk, I think it got to him. It was't a tactic though. It was an exciting back up plan. And it helped me realize that if things really went sour for us, I would be FINE and in touch with the advantages of being single. As it was, I mostly focussed on all the negatives. So, in that way, it was very good for me and ultimately for us.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My H said to me during one of our last R talks that when we were living apart for 7 months, he thought often of ending our R and getting a D. He said he was happy with himself, his friends and enjoyed living on his own, etc.
I think it's easy for someone in an R to see the greener grass because they are sitting with the loving support of their companion at all times (even if it's not that great at the given moment). He was all alone but he was never alone - we talked every day, we shared stories and even had "dates" online where we would watch the same movie and skype, etc. He was happy to speak with me, excited to tell me about what he was doing in his life, even created photo journals of his hikes and other things around the city for me and his family.
I can't say I was being the best wife, I certainly see my part in all of this and I'm doing what I can to change. But I was still being a wife and put few limitations on him - he could do what he wanted and when all his friends were busy or he wanted to feel a closer, deeper relationship, I was always there. I can only hope that the "magic" of his new life alone wears off soon and he realizes this.
