Most days I am doing really well. I still have bad days, and you all know what I mean by that, but all in all I feel good. I have lost 59.5lbs and I am hoping to hit the 60lb mark before next Tuesday! I have been very busy with projects around the house and looking for a job. Which I think I have one, just waiting to hear a start date.
I have come to realize the H has done nothing but walk away from his responsibilities. Living with his parents, his mother cooks and does his laundry for him. He gets to go spend time with OW whenever he wants. No mowing the yard, no chauffeuring D16 around, no cooking, cleaning or laundry. No taking the trash out, no worry about the bills. He is living like a freaking teenager!! Anywho, I am looking forward to a weekend away from all the responsibility as I will NOT be here this weekend when he has time with D16 and I have already started to make plans to not be here most of the next scheduled weekend also. Just keeps me off the rollercoaster. I love him, but do not like him very much right now. He is not the man I married and therefor I just don't want to be around him.
Okay, I will update next week and let you know how my BD goes, not a big one, I will be 47. Still young enough to get into trouble, but old enough to know better! (((HUGS))) and blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie, thats so awesome, 60 lbs! I am stauck at 38 lb. loss.
Wrell, MLC is being a freakin' teenager in an older man's body.... hehehe....he will see the difference soon.
Have fun on your birthday, 47 is young! I am turning 50 this year myself....planning to have a big "over the hill" celebration.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Not too much happening. I am seeing H peek out from the fog occasionally. H has initiated contact with D16 twice to take her out for dinner. Last weekend was H's weekend with D16 and again he came to our house. I left for the weekend before he came and spent the weekend with my mother and visited with friends. When I cam back H was still here on Sunday, though D16 was spending the day with her bf. I was surprised to see him, and we sat and chit chatted for about an hour before he left. I couldn't believe he did not run off to be with OW. He also did some things around the house showing concern for me and D16, I take that as a positive as he hasn't really showed much concern the last 6 months. We met and finished taxes yesterday and I made sure that he made a copy for himself to have for next year. He said why, and I said, "you will being doing your own taxes next year" and he just said "ok". I have a gut feeling things are not going well with OW at the moment. He seems very depressed. But I just stayed upbeat and focused on making plans without him.
Today is my birthday and thought I really want to hear some acknowledgement from H, I am not expecting it. Really, he really didn't do much in the past for my birthday either, it is what it is.
Oh! I got a job!! I start on Monday. Very excited to finally have a job, and after I get a couple of paychecks under my belt I will be setting down with H to split finances. He needs to start being responsible for paying for his own bills and juggling a budget. He has been depositing his paycheck in our account and I have continued to pay the bills from that. He also does photography on the side and uses that money to finance his single life. But, that is all going to change. I want to to just take care of myself and D16 and not worry about his stuff. I want him to find a way to get his own place so he and D16 can have their time away from the house, I can't be running off to friends and family every other weekend indefinitely.
I am continuing to rely totally on God through out this process and it gives me so much peace. Each day I am thankful for all that God has shown and given me. I have grown in my relationship with Him and I am so grateful that even though this experience is so painful at times, God has used it to His advantage to bring me closer to Him. I am looking forward to Easter and all that brings into my and my D16's lives.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Well it has been awhile since I posted last so I thought I would update. OW has moved to town and H has now moved in with her. I have ended his every other weekend stays with D16 here at the house by her request. We went about 2 months w/o any R talk, but when I told him about D16 request, we talked more about the why he left. He just continues to bring up things he has done for me and how I never did anything. Basically rewriting history again. D16 is appalled by this as she does not remember things the way he does. You know all the things he says he did for me were part of being married, working together as a team and family. I know this is his MLC talking, but it hurts that he doesn't recognize any of the things I did for him. Needless to say, I have started packing all of his stuff up and putting it down in the basement. I am preparing to change the locks on the house. I am trying to do some home repairs in preparation of selling the house. The job I thought I had did not pan out so I am still looking for work.
I am still standing for my marriage, but I have decided to live as if he will never come back. I am keeping my focus on God and realize I can be happy single and being a mom. I actually love not having to worry about H right now and just focus on me and D16. She is so mature for her age and is really working though this, though she has refused to meet OW. I have talked to her about this and her R with her dad. I have told her it was okay to meet her and it was ok to like her. Her father's decisions do not have to mess up their relationship if she could learn to forgive him. She says she is not ready for that right now, and still feels OW took her place and doesn't want to meet her. So, it is what it is and now H does not have any weekend visits with her. He hasn't spoken to her since Sat. night and I am sad for her. I prayed he wouldn't take her decision so personally, but I guess he has. He was such a good father and now he [censored] at it and it makes me want to throw up! REALLY!!!!
The rain in our area has been really bad, and my basement has flooded many times, and it is frustrating that H is not here to help me with it. I did have a contractor out to give me an estimate on getting it fixed. We are talking around $20,000. I don't have that kind of money. Maybe after I get a job I can work out a payment plan or something. I just don't know right now, but basically my basement walls are buckling in and causing separation at the floor joints.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie - I'm glad to hear from you though I'm sorry about your current circumstances. Considering we live only a couple hours away - I guess it makes sense that our situations are so similar. You have my prayers! IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Lorie I hear you on the home stuff. I added it up and since XH and I lived in my house for 15 years, it seems like EVERYTHING broke right after he left. He and I never had one appliance or anything "go" in the time he lived here. Once he left, about 7000.00 worth of stuff broke/had to be fixed. There was no stopping it. These were necessities, things like floors caving in, washing machine spilling water everywhere, etc. It's like he timed it perfectly to walk away and leave me with the headache and the bills.
That makes everything even MORE difficult.
I think your level of detachment, though, sounds emotionally very good for you, and I think you sound positive despite everything!!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
This house is very old and we have only lived in it for 5 years. But, I am sure that at some point things will all work out. I will either find the $$$ to fix it or be able to sell it as is. It really hurts to think about selling it, because when we bought it, H and I said it would be the home we retired in and I have done' so much outside landscaping and love it. Oh well, such is life.
I am detached, so much so it is freaking scary. I do still have my bad days and cry, but for the most part I am focused on living each day as if H is never coming back. I am praying for H and that is all I can do. Life goes on and I can't sit around waiting for his dumb a$$ to make a decision. One day he will wake up and see what he has left behind. By then we will see what happens, who knows what I will and will not be ready for.
Thanks for posting. Not too many post to me so I just post updates here for my own sanity. Love you guys!!!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie, I don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, but I noticed your signature. It looks like your H has been out only a month longer than my W. I was just wondering how you got so detached so soon. I'm having a problem with it.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I have been keeping up on your sitch and I am so sorry you are going through this. I have posted a couple of times to you, one of which I told you my H is a radio man too.
Anywhoo, I was able to detach though much prayer, crying, pain and self reflection. I have truly left my marriage and my H at the feet of Christ. I know that God has a plan for me and I just have to leave it up to Him.
During my self reflection I have come to realize I was not a bad wife, not the one my H describes. I was a loving, caring and good wife. I am not perfect, but neither was he. We never argued and always sat and discussed problems. What I realize now, is his unhappiness is really his own issues, not mine. I have to let him go and my love for him is unconditional. I love him enough to let go and believe in God enough that if it is meant to be, then H will come back. I believe this with my whole being. I also have come to terms with facing the fears and not allow the fear to rule my life. I am and you are strong enough to survive this, not let fear rule us.
Things I am doing is: Working on projects around the house for possible sale. Packing up all H's belongings, yes he left these behind and only took essentials. I am putting the boxes in the basement so that I don't have to look at them. Spend time with a few friends. Be the best mom I can be for my daughter. I pray daily for H and his salvation. Oh, and I continue daily to look for a new job. I know once I get a job, H will probably file for D. So I am also preparing myself for that day by prayer and daily affirmations that I will make it through that day as well.
I am a good person, good friend, good mom, good daughter and yes, a good wife.
Tad, though I don't know you personally, from what I have read you too are a good person, good friend, good dad, and yes, a good husband. Remind yourself of those things everyday.
May God Bless you and keep you in his grace always!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
