(((((kat)))))(((((mishka))))) Yeah.... that would be a valid question. I really enjoy being with her. But... well, I think it's done now.
We saw each other a lot this weekend, and things were going in a really positive direction... but then somehow the question came up about whether I would have wanted to ask her out if I just saw her on the street. She's a little overweight, and I have to say, I would not have thought she was my "type" until I met her. So, I said something about probably not, but I was wrong, what I thought I was looking for was wasn't what I really wanted. And I mean it. She has this smile, laugh, and she's just fun to be with. But, she decided that meant that I was settling, and that I want a Barbie. If I had thought a bit before opening my mouth, I would have known that was a bad answer, but, well, I didn't. So, now, I think she is done.
Right now I am pretty broken up, because five minutes before I told her I would never hurt her, and then, well, I did. I'm not sure I agree with her reaction, at the same time, they are her feelings, so I don't get a vote there.
Anyway, feeling pretty crappy right now. Losing the relationship hurts, but hurting her hurts even more.
I had a similar experience! A friend of a friend on Facebook developed a crush on me. We started talking and he started calling me on the phone. He lives across country so we never met, but he was smart and kind of charming on the phone and I was starting to warm up to him. Then one day he asked me what I thought when I first saw HIS picture (he'd fallen for mine originally).
Silly me, I told him the truth - that at first I thought he looked kind of scrawny and intense, but when I heard his voice I REALLY liked him. Well, he never got to the second part of the sentence. Got tremendously insulted and took down his FB page altogether in a depressed snit (and he uses that page professionally!)
Now granted, I should not have used the word scrawny - but at 5'8" and a very slender runner physique, that couldn't have been a surprise to this guy. A person with a healthy sense of self would have been able to laugh at the truth in that part and been pleased that I thought his voice was sexy. But his reaction showed me that I was dealing with a very insecure and unstable person. It scared me, actually.
Your girl was fishing for a compliment to make her feel better about what she KNOWS is her weight issue. Your answer was honest and ultimately sweet -that you really really like her! Maybe you could have worded it better, and maybe you can send her a note explaining yourself better. But the bottom line is, if she's super-insecure, you may be wrong no matter WHAT you do.
I think her insecurity has her doubting that anyone could want to be with her. So she is hyper sensitive to anything that she can interpret as meaning they don't want to be with her. I'm sure everyone is like that to an extent, we all know our flaws, and they are huge to us. But add on that she has been hurt before, pretty badly I think, and she has built a defense system. I think that's what this past six weeks is about. At first I thought she was just afraid of being hurt, but I think it may be deeper than that. I think I will back off... I explained myself, apologized, sent flowers (which she really liked), now she has to think it through for herself.
Jeff, IMO you didn't have anything to apologize for. Now, if you apologized to her if she misunderstood your meaning then I guess that would be alright.
It is true that us 'big girls' are hyper-sensitive and have a very hard time accepting compliments, accepting that anyone could like just us for who we are and looking beyond the exterior. I understand her pain, but knowing you I understand what you meant. She internalized it and it hurt her. I honestly think that whatever you said would have been the wrong thing because she was looking for an excuse to push you away. Her fear of rejection is controlling her actions.
Yes, I'm reading into this but her reaction sounds very familiar!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
(((((mishka))))) This is it... perfect wording. She is sure (subconsciously, at least) that she is going to be rejected. So, she is heading it off at the pass. Never mind that everything that I have done or said (other than this, and even this was not meant as she chose to hear it) says the opposite.
I apologized for hurting her, not for what I said. I have come around to thinking more that she chose to hurt herself, but I am sorry it hurt.
I am backing off. She can decide to take a chance, or not. I am not waiting, but I am not not waiting, either.
I do need to make it back to AZ sometime in the near future.