I think my thread is getting ready to be locked so I am starting a new one.
Question:
W birthday is Thursday. Before saturday I had not even thought about getting her gift but now I do not know. She kissed me for first time since New Years Eve. It hit me last night when I was trying to focus on positive that SHE KISSED ME. For the last 3 years if W and I had any type of loving contact I had to start it every time. When she told me on Saturday that she started checking out 3 years ago it hit me that even when I went in for good bye kiss in the morning she do it be she never did it first. I think that is a big step for her to be the one who initiated it.
So should do anything? I have 4 ideas.
1. Do nothing
2. Small simple card that says happy birthday. Have good day.
3. Same card but with it send flowers to her grandmother in nursing home.
4. Kids asked me other day that they have no present for mom. So I buy something for her from them. I have them night before so I will be taking them to day care. Thought I could take kids by wife work in morning and have kids surprise her with gift.
I don't know why put I'm in a posting mood tonight.
On the last page of my old thread I mentioned that even thou I'm seeing some positive progress I got a gut check today when my W and kids told me my little guy started to use potty today. Wearing underware and all. It hurt to hear that. I want to be there with him, tell him good job and the I'm proud of him. (I said all that over phone but wanted to be there)
Well I sulked for about an hour and then stopped and decided that I can be a part of this. I text W telling her how happy I was that little Scorpio was potty training and that I wanted to help out by making him a potty chart and getting stickers. Middle daughter called a minuet later to talk and W got on and said that would be fine. So I'm gonna make the best damn potty chart every!
On a different topic, I am about as clueless as they come. Especially when it comes to W. Heck the way I started dating my W in High School was we had our first class together our senior year. We would talk everyday and one day out of the blue she bought me a gift. I remember telling my buddy about it a couple of days later and he asked me when I was going to ask her out? I said why would I do that? You think she likes me? He of course was dumbfounded by my blindness.
I bring this up because I just remembered two other things from my saturday night with the W.
1. She made two comments about how she wanted this different if I came back and this different. I agreed and said that there would be a lot of different things but I really didn't think about it until now.
2. The other one was a week ago I told the W that I wanted to do Easter as a family. Since we had kids we would fill fake eggs with candy/toys and hide around house night before. Kids wake, search, play and eat. We go to church with her family, back to in-laws for food and off to my family. She said "ok" no yes or no. Well when we were shopping at Mejiers we bought things to hide in eggs candy/toys plus stuiff for their easter basket and such. When I went to drop her off she asked me if wanted to keep that stuff with me cause it would be easier to hide.
I thought about that today and then kids don't find crap at the house. There are still x-mas gifts from this year they haven't found. So what does it mean that I get to hold the stuff?
It means if she wants it she better invite me to be a part of easter or I'm going to eat that stuff myself.
Had lunch with the W today. It was nice and upbeat. When I picked her up at work she told me that we needed to swing by a place and pick up cupcakes for her office. They are doing the March birthdays for the employees. Her's being one of them in 2 days. The lunch went good and so did picking up the cakes. We were both making jokes about each other and she seemed happy.
A few times i would catch her making comments about us being apart (like when I said that I wanted to buy these cakes for D4 b-day in May and she said that I would not need to buy her one.) but by in large it seemed to me that we both were having a good time.
I did make a mistake thou.
When I dropped her off back at work, she did not follow me back to the car but stopped in the doorway and I turned to give her the opening to kiss me and she smiled and said bye. I smiled back and lingered a few seconds and said bye back and she again said ok, bye. I turned and left. I should have just left without trying to get that kiss. That grin on her face said to me "I know what you want but you are not getting it"
We have plans to take kids to indoor water park tomorrow and then plans friday as well.
Does anybody have any suggestions on how I should handle the B-day in two days. I am really stumped on this one. My gut is telling me to let it pass.
I don't think completely ignoring it is the right thing to do right now. You are definitely not dark right now, so I think some recognition is in order. I think a friendly type card might be appropriate, but I am by no means an expert. Hopefully others chime in. Something hand made or very inexpensive but meaningful might also be something to consider.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I wouldn't ignore it either. Why not do a combo of 2,3 & 4. I wouldn't send the flowers unless you 100% want to send them for yourself and not to get a reaction from W. It is a nice thing to do. I'd go with a few small presents from the kids then a simple card and/or small present from you.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Wasn't going to post today but felt like I had some more progress. Family all went to the water park and everybody had a great time. At one time the kids were playing in the kiddie pool and W and I were sitting together. I put my arm around her waist and after about a minuet she moved over and sat in my lap. We sat like that for awhile and at one time my D44 joined us.
I have the kids with me tonight and they fell asleep about the last ten minuets until I dropped W off. I said to W that I have really enjoyed our time together lately with kids/her and just her. She said she too has enjoyed it and said:
W: "Its surprising that it took things getting so bad before we realized what we had"
H: "I agree, I tell myself that if I had done this 8 months ago we wouldn't be here"
W: "No, its not all you I took our M for granted"
I get to the driveway and walk her in (kids still asleep) and we have what I would describe as a extremely passionate long kiss.
