When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

Thanks kat. That is a great story and one to keep hold of to know that sometimes things do work out.

Awkward moment tonight at the gym.....my L showed up to sign up for membership. I haven't seen her since we signed the final papers 2 1/2 years ago. She kept looking at me but we both kind of avoided the subject when I was leaving the gym and walked past her. Her friend that was with her stopped me to ask if I worked for a certain company and struck up a convo. It just felt so strange standing there next to the woman that helped me with the legal end of my M.

AWKWARD!!!

[MichelleLT]

Everything does work out. Just not necessarily the way we planned. There is always a silver lining, you just have to look harder for it sometimes than others.

The only thing in life that is guaranteed is that things will change. It's just part and parcel of being mortal. It's not comfortable, but it's unavoidable unfortunately.

That is way too funny about running into your L. Guess it really is a small world.

In some ways I guess it's proof that M can be just a piece of paper and that the underlying love and commitment is a separate issue.

[mishka422]

OUCH!!! Pulled a hamstring in zumba tonight! I have the gym tomorrow and zumba again Thursday. Any quick fixes from you athletic peoples out there????

[MichelleLT]

Ouch!

Gentle stretching.

Ibuprofen to relieve the pain and swelling.

And something topical. Tiger Balm or Ben Gay are okay (problem is they pull too much blood to the surface instead of leaving it down in the muscle because of that warming sensation they give). Topricin is my absolute favorite. Traumeel is also good. You'll have to go somewhere a little less mainstream to find them, Rite Aid probably doesn't stock them. Also, any cream you can find that is Arnica based (which is one of the main ingredients in Topricin and is great for relieving bruising).

You can also find Traumeel in tablets at some health food places and co-ops and such. You can take that in addition to using Topricin cream.

[mishka422]

AWESOME! I'm going to have to look for that. We have several naturalist stores in the area. They may have that. I'll call.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MICHELLE!

[MichelleLT]

(((Mishka)))

Oh, and take it easy on it! LOL. Enough movement and activity to keep it from stiffening up too bad, but not enough to aggravate the injury.

[mishka422]

I have been staying quiet and just absorbing and processing things but there have been so many triggers in the last couple of weeks that have been set off and I'm pretty stuck.

Gabe has been working at a restaurant evenings. He likes the job and the tips are pretty good. He has met some people there and one night last week he called me to tell me he would be late coming home because he was going to a farewell party for one of the guys at work. Late was 2:30am on a weeknight. I had to be up early for work the next morning but couldn't sleep. My mind immediately started replaying times he lied to me and told me he was going to a friend's after work or was working late but he was really going to the broom's house.

Tonight I told him I was going to a zumba party at a local restaurant and wouldn't be home until after midnight. He then told me he was going to a birthday party for one of the guys from work tonight and he probably would just stay there so he didn't have to drive home after having some drinks. Again....trigger. Again....what he used to tell me when he was really going to the broom's.

He knew I was upset when he told me this. He called me to tell me and I got quiet. He asked me if I was going to be mad and I told him no. I mean, seriously, what right do I have to be mad? I have no commitment from him, no promises, nothing. It's not my job to police him but that doesn't stop me from being upset by the situation. I can't talk to him about anything that involves my feelings or emotions at all and I'm feeling very shut down. I walk on eggshells all day, every day because I'm in constant fear that I'm going to say or do something that is going to make him angry and he'll run away.

Would that matter? In some ways I'd be better off. My emotions would calm down and I could exist in my little cocoon. On the other hand, Marc would be horribly upset by it and that is just not fair to him. Just because I'm miserable in so many ways doesn't mean I should open my big fat mouth and rip his dad out of his life.

There really is no good solution for this. I've made my bed, I allowed this situation, I allow him to treat me like this because somewhere deep inside I don't feel like I deserve anything better.

This all sounds horribly maudlin and whiny. I'm sorry. Just venting and hoping that will exorcise some demons.

[oldtimer]

I can tell you for certain and for sure that the R you have now will not last if you maintain the status quo.

You have got to change yourself. A whimpering, simpering, resentful, egg-shell walking mate is not attractive. It doesn't feel good to you, and it is probably beginning to wear on Gabe.

And, you can certainly talk to him about whatever you want. You CHOOSE not to.

How about: "Gabe, no, it doesn't make me mad exactly. It makes me feel unsure because you said the same things when you had the A. I have no interest in policing you. At the same time, I don't like feeling insecure. So, reassurance would be great. And, if you can send me pics and dirty texts while you're out, that would be even better."

You HAVE allowed this situation. You have CHOSEN to play the whiny martyr. At least, you made those choices yesterday and the day before. You haven't yet made your choices for today or tomorrow.

[mishka422]

I only whine here. Trust me, he has NO idea about any of it. I'm an expert at always looking and sounding like I'm happy happy joy joy at all times. It's pretty rare for anyone to see me upset and I don't talk to anyone about things that upset me.

I'm not saying any of that is a good thing, it's just the way it is and I have tried and tried to change that through lots of therapy but I haven't been able to do it.

I definitely wanted to tell him that I wasn't mad but that I was feeling insecure because some of his actions seem to be the past repeating themselves but I was driving my car with two other people in it. Not exactly something I could talk about freely with other people around. He is an expert at catching me with things at times that are impossible for me to say anything.

Martyr? Nope. I know exactly what I've done and I've done it all to myself. I'm telling it like it is. I don't like it, it is what it is.

Yes, I choose not to talk to him about some things because they will set him off. There is no reason to rock the boat when day to day things are fine.

[kat727]

But you don't want these things to fester. You need to figure out how you want things to be and work towards that. It won't be an overnight process but you will feel so much better once you get going. You are going to need to express your feelings at some point. Not in an accusatory way but let him know that it sets off feelings and memories of the past. Let him reassure you, don't assume all the work is yours. Do this together.

Kat