I'm thinking that improving my physical fitness will impact my mental strength. My W's increased time spent at the fitness center has influenced me to join her for a Cardio-Sculpting class (aerobics + free weights). We already take a Pilates class one night per week. I consider my level of physical strength and endurance to be Low Average. I consider myself to be on the high end of what I should weigh, close to being overweight. I plan on adding this class to my schedule, and upgrading to two classes per week. I fatigue too easily in my dancing, and have to pace myself.
My W made it to her job-hunting group. She took a vocational test while there, and it helped to clarify the type of roles and environments she should consider. She scored high in the Social realm--that she is energized by relating to people.
We've been spending every weeknight out together--two dance classes per week, two exercise classes per week, two dance practice sessions per week, hanging out at our favorite pub after dance classes.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
I keep my fretting about our money situation to myself. My W is aware of how tight things are. I hear no complaints from her. I wish she'd hurry up and bring in some extra cash flow, but I catch myself and realize I'm being controlling, impatient, and self-centered. We go on cheap dates (less than $25 for meals, and second-run moves, or dance venues ($5-10 per person). We're not joining our studio for $60 per person fundraiser. I hear no talk of vacation planning. We've cut our private lessons to bi-weekly.
She keeps working on her physical self, spending several hours two times per week at the fitness center. I'll try to influence her to join me for a third day. She's not complementing her work with improved diet or smoking cessation, but one step at a time.
Her mood has improved. I'm not getting much irritability from her. She's pleasant to be around most of the time.
She's looking into a ballroom Latin dress for venues or competiton. I'm excited for her. Our instructors invited her to visit their personal seamstress to get ideas. This gives her something to work towards as far as getting into shape.
On my way to work this week, she patted my behind. She also cuddled next to me in bed one night this past week.
Her job-hunting preparation goes in fits and spurts--intermittent attendance at her job club. I keep quiet about it, because she keeps talking about it, and is moving towards it at her own pace.
We attended a Spring Ball ballroom event again. This has not gone well in the past when we've gone alone. We have a larger dance repertoire each time we go, so we're able to dance more dances together. I volunteered to organize a group outing to this event thru our studio, which allowed my W to socialize and dance with others during the event. She organized an after event excursion to a favorite restaurant. We arrived at 8:30PM, and left the restaurant around 1PM. In the past, we struggled to last two hours together.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
On my way to work this week, she patted my behind. She also cuddled next to me in bed one night this past week.
Right on!!!!!!!! Looking back, what do you think you are doing right that brought this on? Or maybe, what do you think is going right between you? Good to analyze your successes every bit as much as areas to improve.
Words of affirmation...makes flirty eyes at wife, Mrs CL, just wanted you to know, it felt nice when you snuggled up against me the other night.
How did you feel about it? I know this kind of thing is/has been difficult for you in the past but judging by what you wrote above it seems to have gone well, no?
Seems like you may be turning the corner.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
what do you think you are doing right that brought this on? Or maybe, what do you think is going right between you? Good to analyze your successes every bit as much as areas to improve.
How did you feel about it? I know this kind of thing is/has been difficult for you in the past but judging by what you wrote above it seems to have gone well, no?
I'm guessing the positve interactions with the dancing plays a significant part--it truly has become a partnership. Our instructor has noticed that we dance better together lately, even though we've been dancing together for over six years. At our studio today, the lady instructor was selling an expensive ballroom dress for $250. It's the dress they lent to my W for the competition in January. She jumped at the opportunity.
The other reason I think is the decision I made to join our fitness center last summer, when my W asked me to do so, even though it was over twice as much as the one we belonged to, but hardly used. I was able to convince my W to join me for a third day at the fitness center. I stepped up my fitness routine, as she shared with me some ideas she learned from her trainer.
She shared with me today, that she was in a dark place when she woke, but going to our dance studio always brings her out of it. She also shared with me how much doubt she has in her finding work she could enjoy. This explains her avoidance in going to her job club. I told her that her doubt and fear are understandable, but she must not let that shut her down, otherwise it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. She agreed. I left it at that.
I get anxious whenever the physical intimacy appears on the horizon. I'm going to have to follow thread title and avoid going into old patterns. I too wrestle with faith and doubt.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
If you don't mind my asking, why do you get anxious? I know you do but I think, in all the time I've been with you, you've maybe never said why. It seems to be a key piece of the relationship she desires. You will have to conquer this if you ever want to get over the hump.
>>in proof reading this post, I just realized the last sentence was a fabulously bad/good unintended pun. So bad/good, it had to be left in the post<<
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
Our instructors were having a spring cleaning special of old ballroom gowns, latin shirts and shoes at their studio last week. These items can be expensive if bought or made new. My W bought the gown for $250. I bought a latin shirt with an open front exposing my chest and sparkly stones for $250. The ladies in the class hooted and whistles as I modeled it for their feedback. I now have incentive to take my fitness to a higher level to get more tone in my body.
My W had a Tarot card reading at a dance party last night. She shared with me that she was told that she will have financial success if she works at something she loves, and that her eye problem (Macular Degeneration) will resolve itself. She has a follow-up eye appointment next week, which she's worried about, and in which I'm taking the day off to accompany her.
We added a third fitness day last week. She shared her personal training tips and worked me harder than I do myself.
She signed up for a Healing Touch session at our fitness center next week. I'm not familiar with that practice, but am happy that my W is trying different approaches for wellness.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My W and I continue our three days of fitness classes and workout sesions at our fitness center. I work harder with my W than I do alone. We spent two hours at the fitness center yesterday. I'm not losing weight, but I notice more tone in my body. I feel and am starting to look stronger.
After her Healing Touch experience, she said that she didn't feel like smoking or watching television for two hours. She was advised to try it for six sessions.
My parents invited us to a family vacation to a remote beach about 700 miles from where we live. My W and I haven't attended a vacation with my family for some time, due to our poor connection and other reasons. It's probably been over ten years since we last joined them.
In the past, I didn't even pursue the idea. I didn't want to attend a family gathering with my W. I think it's an idea worth purusing now. I'll let the idea percolate and see how my W responds. We typically take vacations that involve having access to large cities. I don't think we would have access to a city here. I don't want to let my W off the hook too easily. I have a right to spend time with my family, but I need to make it work for my W too, as it would be our vacation. We'll see how it evolves.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
They told you not sweat the scale right? Muscle is a fair bit heavier than fat. You may actually go up in scale weight at the same time you go down in pants size. Plus your legs, back and shoulders may fill out some too. Lotta beef. It will add scale weight but good scale weight.
As you feel stronger and look better it will boost your confidence which can help in feeling better about intimacy. If you start feeling a bit of the swagger, I can guarantee, she will too. Woman know when a man is feeling his own power. She will become more attracted to you. You mark my words on this. Good for you!!!
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
DNO, My perception of my body getting stronger does influence how I carry myself in the world, and how I think of myself. I didn't realize how important strength training was. My focus in the past was weight management and staying trim. I want to have pride in my appearance. It only makes sense that if one is working on mental strength, than one can't ignore physical strength.
My W does have an interest in going on a family vacation with my family. We'll start putting plans together after tax season.
We're keeping up with the strength training three times per week. She's keeping up with her personal training. We've discovered a virtual reality bicycle that we can do side by side for cardiovascular workout. Our monthly fee for our fitness facility is moderately expensive, but we both feel that it's a good investment, since we use it regularly. we've belonged to a discount facility in the past but hardly used it. Our place has more of a sense of community.
I'll maintain faith that if we keep up with our new health habits, be out in the dance community learning new dance skills, practicing these skills on our own, connecting with others and pursuing friendships, that good things will happen, and my W will pursue employment that fits her and brings in needed extra cash flow to the household. Healthy habits will replace passive ones for both of us. She has stated that she enjoys working out together.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
