I've learned to not always be "right" in this sitch - essentially keeping my big trap shut. But, I would be a liar if I didn't admit it feels so GREAT when others say for me what it is I really want to say.
I'm actually smiling and laughing at that post lees! I have faith you are gonna be ok.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
It has been really tough the last 48 hrs being away from home and her. I miss her like a limb. I really miss the excitement of finishing work after a night shift and driving home knowing I got to snuggle into bed with her whilst she was still in that really cute dozyness. And having her come and wake me up by climbing into bed with a kiss and cup of tea to get me up for work. Now I just finish work and wanser out to the car, don't care if I'm late or not and drive home slowly because I don't have anything except an empty bed to look forwards to.
Having her made everything seem so much easier, troubles so much more bearable as we faced them together.
I so want this to work out but don't know how.
Do I continue to cook meals for her or just eat alone. Do I still do both of our washing and ironing, or just do my own. Do I still clean her car when I do mine, or just do mine.
I don't want to push her away. She's already commented on not liking the moving boxes, and why am I giving her mixed signals saying I want to fix things, but am still looking at houses. Will she interpret me not doing any stuff for her as a negative?
It's going to be a killer going home tomorrow morning. Knowing she's there, being in the same house and not being able to touch her or kiss her or tell her how I feel about her. And another whole week till the next counselling session where I get to hear what is really in her head.
Ho hum. Here's hoping at least tonight's night shift passes pleasantly.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well today is clearly another day of me feeling totally unimportant in the gf life.
Came home to not even an acknowledgement. I said "Hi" after eventually going into the kitchen where she was. She said "How was work?" I said busy, and went to bed. She came up and said "oh, are you sleeping in here? I've been sleeping in here (spare room). Sleep well." Then she went out, apprently to a BBQ picnic according to facebook.
I just had to get up and feed her cats because they were driving me nuts every 10 mins for the last 2 hours since dinnnertime. She isn't home, hasn't been home.
An hour to go till work.
I am getting very tired of being totally unimportant
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well that was a really rubbish night shift at work and now I've got a banging headache and am trying to deicde what to do with myself for the next couple of hours. Think she's coming home later from work and wanted to "catch up" or something.
I think reality will be that she will go to the pub afterwards and not rock up home till much later.
I am feeling rubbish and have a banging head, but am desperate to see her. It's been about 6 days now since we've had a conversation of any kind. I'm beginning to think I've blown it by intentionally giving her space. She seems to have just drifted even further away and we have become even more like housemates.
At least the house I went to look at today was nice. There is hope for moving should I have to.
I really don't know what to do to sort this out. Just have to wait for counselling next week I guess. And take painkillers.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I'm beginning to think I've blown it by intentionally giving her space.
Ask those LBSs who persued the WAWs how they made out.
Almost every new poster states they di the begging, pleading, chasing, etc thing in their first post.
Giving them their spece in counterintuitive. Stop leading with your feelings. Letting someone live their life freely is the greatest act of love.
lees, you sound has if you have a case of depression.
please look into that with you IC.
get A little bit stronger everyday.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Detach with love. That is how isn't it. I know the theory, just so damned difficult to put into practice.
Let her make her own decisions in her own good time. Change my own behaviour in the meantime.
I'm trying. That's why I vent on here, difficult to vent other places due to my weird hours and friends that are geographically distant or working more normal ones.
I'm not depressed. Just in a [censored] place in my relationship and can't get it out of my head when I'm not at work.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well an interesting evening in the end. She came home, we had dinner together and about 30 mins chatter about the day. Then she said "we can talk if you like but I'm still very angry."
So with my recently acquired Mars and Venus knowledge I sat and listened, and prompted, and listened, and prompted.
She was changing her mind about working on our relationship during the counselling session apparently. Was becoming more of a realistic idea to work at. Now she isn't so sure after our argument at the end. She's angry both at me for what was said in the street, and at the counsellor for not being able to accomodate her election schedule and saying she couldn't work with us if we couldn't attend regularly.
She thinks I was cruel to mention babies in our argument after counselling last week, as she has had 2 miscarriages in the past. It was part of an angry spouting forth on my behalf, mostly about her work being more important than me, our relationship, or indeed anything else when she couldn't find time to attend a second appointment. When she chased me in the street I told her she could keep her damn elections and hoped they would give her the lifelong happiness, love, affection, support and children that she seeks.
Tried to keep my disappointment out of it and just listen though. Said she understands my point of view, and that it's natural for me to be so insecure after being told she doesn't love me anymore. But still thinks I'm cruel, and she'll still be putting the election in front of anything bar major accident or family death, a mere counselling appt is not worth jeapordising her job over.
I didn't feel heard by her but it seems she did, as she said she felt less angry for talking about it. A small part of me is pleased she is hurting and angry, partly as I think it does her good to feel a bit of what she's dished out (selfish and vindictive I know), and partly because any emotion is better than the apathy I was recieving before.
Guess I have a choice here. Drop my expectation that counselling needs to be as highly prioritised for her as it is for me, or walk away. I suppose if there were a major incident at work I'd be missing a counselling appt for it!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Oh totally forgot to mention the funniest bit of all. When she came home after the argument and I'd packed my bags and gone to a friends house, she had 5 mins to get ready to go out to a show with her Mum and the cat stood and peed up her leg at the door lol.
I had to stop myself laughing at that in the middle of our serious chat! Little beggar, but he's got timing!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
