Difficult day again today. She has been gardening all day with her Mum. Her best mate has just fallen off her horse and needs to go to hospital and she didn't turn to me at all for support. That hurts like hell.
She's just driven off with her Mum to go and see what is happening and didn't want me to go with her.
She said we would talk and play scrabble later on, but I know that any chance of time together today is now totally scrapped. She'll spend the evening at her mates house, go to work in the morning, not book any counselling as she's busy and our relationship will be even more down the pan that it already is (which I didn't think was possible already)
I'm hurting a lot from this, back in an empty house, with a few boxes of my stuff packed feeling totally in limbo. I can't concentrate on work, no boxes left to do packing in. I can't even move out as I don't have anywhere just yet to go to and all my mates are busy with mother's day.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Had a lovely 2 games of scrabble and a bottle of wine together. I was messed in the head, cried on her and asked if we could share her bed for a "last time." She said of course yes we could share a bed, but why was it "the last time." I said because we've broken up, everything like that is therefore a last time. She cried at that.
I haven't packed anymore boxes. She asked me yesterday after we had dinner together if I wanted to share her bed again. I did. She stroked my arm this morning as she woke, and kissed me on the forehead before she left. It felt good. We are going to first counselling tomorrow lunchtime and I am petrified. I feel like although it will give me somekind of closure, it could also seriously spell the end of us, and I will have to move out and move on as quickly as possible.
I am just such a whirlwind of emotion and actions, despite my best efforts at self control, which I usually have a lot of.
Guess I'll just wait and see.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Remember your DBing. Get control of yourself and get focused. Do what only what works, don't do what doesn't. I'm thinking is she's willing to let you share her bed and go to counseling with you, you have lots of opportunity here to make some really great progress. Perhaps reread DR and try to get a plan together.
Best of luck to you, lees. I'm pulling for you!
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
If there's one thing that you will hear often in these forums, it is 'dont cry'. I know it is very hard to do. Hey i cried for a week calling my wife up before i turned off the faucets.
crying for women signifies weakness and women don't like weak guys.
Right now you are on an emotional rollacoaster to nowhere land. Get off that wagon and start thinking and acting objectively.
It is very good that you guys are getting to see a counselor. But be strong and act strong.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Lees: Dont be that guy that is looking for sympathy to save the relationship. It usually doesnt work and if it does , it is not long lasting.
She wants to see a strong man that she wants to be with. I am a very sensetive person and that has cost me; especially in my wife's eyes. Its good to be sensetive to some issues , but ultimately, you need to be strong one and the person she wants to share her life with.
Please dont do any of that weak a$$es stuff again. If you need to cry, leave the room until you compose yourself.
9
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Seperate rooms last night. She cried a lot about how intense her work is at the moment, and how she didn't have any time to think. I offered to go away for a few days so she had space but she said she didn't want that. She's confused. We've broken up but we're still sharing a bed, and having a hug when she gets in the door. I said that was because I was trying to preserve at least a modicum of intimacy until she's decided whether she wants to invest in this relationship or not. She said intimacy for her is conversation, I told her for me it is touch. She is confused that I have packed up a lot of stuff on one hand, and told people we've broken up, but on the other hand am still wanting that intimacy and to fix things. I said touche! I want to be realistic. And realistic right now is that I'm leaving as that's what she effectively asked for when we split up, and is the likely outcome irrespective of counselling. Packing boxes is reminding me of what is happening to, and making it real in my head.
She came home late from work after I'd gone to bed and came and gave me a hug and peck on the cheek and asked why I hadn't had dinner (I had in fact) and if I wanted her to climb into bed with me. I said no, that's OK, I've eaten and I'm OK, there's no need to worry.
A good sound night's sleep, a hug and peck on the cheek this morning and a "see you at lunch" when I was still pretending to be asleep.
We'll see what counselling holds. I am scared, but it must be done.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Have survived previous divorce which was irretrievable due to infidelity of ex-wife with one of my friends and work colleagues. Rebuilt myself and was happy with my lot.
And this....
Originally Posted By: Lees
Lo and behold ran into an extraordinary woman..........
I never went looking for anyone, I didn't expect it to happen. It just did.
Counselling was a disaster. The session itself went really well. The counsellor picked her up on all her unrealistic expectations and I learned a thing or two as well. She independently agreed it would be a good thing to continue. Then she was unable to find any time in the next 2.5 weeks she could actually attend. In the end the counsellor said she couldn't work with us as we needed to be able to attend regularly for safe counselling. I agreed and left without talking to her.
She chased me in the street. I said she had demonstrated the importance of our friendship/relationship in her final actions. That if she wanted to sort it out, she could book it when she can fit it in. Her answer was "I have a statuatory requirement for this election work, I have to be there. The counsellor clearly wants someone who can attend every Tuesday or every Thursday." I said "no she didn't. She wanted someone who could attend once a week."
I went home, packed a bag and left. Now staying with friends.
She txt to ask if I had left, and say she had no idea what had happened today. I replied with "Hope you have a good time at the show tonight. I found today's counselling in the main extremely positive, but the last 2 minutes demonstrated in actions rather than words how important our friendship/relationship is to you, and how much time and effort you are willing to commit."
Watch this space. I suspect her reply will be something along the lines of "I am elections officer, you know how stressful it is, you know i don't have any time at the moment"
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I was little different than I am now, except for living alone rather than in a house with a fabulous woman.
I'm not any different - even she has said that.
Prior relationship was 3 yrs - she had the affair just a very short time after we got married.
This one only about a year in total. I know it is short. But I do know the difference betweene something important and the average 6 month fling.
I've booked another counselling session in the hope she might attend. I've sent her an email explaining why I got so upset and acknowledging that work commitments are huge for her at the moment.
I have 2 more house viewings on Monday and Tuesday after the weekend of working nights. Not much more else I can do after that except move out and drop the rope and hope she realises what a great opportunity she's missed and someone else will have I guess.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
