A couple more things..... an email using my name rather than just hi a huge amount of back pay child support a message to ask if he could call me to discuss D
His comfort and continuous effort towards reconnecting are very meaningful right now. He obviously wants to work at this or he would not be doing so.
I think it's wonderful that he cooks for you after a long day. He is certainly not acting as selfish and withdrawn. His thinking of you speaks volumns about his current mindset.
I venture to say your efforts and stance has outlasted his MLC.
I think he is checking prices for flights for you as well I have a gut instinct telling me he wants to make plans as a family to go to son's for Christmas.
Continue to give him time. He is making great strides. (((Cas))) you have worked so hard and come so far, don't turn back right now.....please!
My H and I have our 1st 2 hour consultation tomorrow (4/1/11 @ 11:00am) for couples counseling. I located a pro-marriage doctor (Ph D) who has been a couples counselor for 30+ years. He is married with children and grandchildren. I will let all know how it goes. I have prepared a notebook to bring with me to each session. I think H is in for a very rude awakening. While I have done tons of work on me, H has done little to none on himself. Boy Oh Boy, this is going to be scary.
I have had three points of contact with H this week, 1 I initiated to let him know of the appointment and 2 initiated by him: 1 to confirm his schedule was open and the 2nd one to tell me news on a piece of property we had been looking into buying as an investment. Interesting?!?! H also told me to transfer more money out of the company tomorrow, so I will!!!
We are supposed to get a huge spring snowstorm tomorrow, I am hoping that it doesn't get so bad this meeting is canceled.
I have had a very somber week as I prepare for tomorrow. I have hope but am doubtful. H has certainly kept his distance for the most part from me for over a month now. OW is still here.
I hope my investment in counseling is worth the time and money. I still hold fast to what I want. I have been thinking about things to say. Of course we all know it won't go as rehearsed!!
(((Cas))) take care my friend, I think you two are doing wonderfully and it will all work out. The time is right.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Hey Sanderika, Good luck with the counselling session. Sounds like you're off to a good start with the counsellor's experience. You can be sure that it won't go as you have rehearsed! The big step is H's willingness to go. I'm guessing the counsellor will have something to say about ow. I wish you the best and I will check back in to see how things go.
Last night H called and we chatted about D to start and then a bit about S and some other stuff. In the conversation he mentioned that he had lots to do today (his day off and the day he usually spends with ow) including finding me a new DVD player. It's very definitely comfortable between us and I can see the positives but I guess I am frustrated because ow is still on the scene. I keep thinking that the swimming meet will be the turning point one way or the other.
Oh and Sanderika about Christmas.... I think H was thinking he and the kids would be with his family for lunch and I could be with my brother and his family and then the four of us could catch up in the evening as a family. D will not agree with that. She won't go with H to his family without me. Either way the interesting thing is he's thinking of going to another state for Christmas so wouldn't see ow.
I have been busy with preparations for tomorrow so I don't have much time to post this evening.......However, I am saying a prayer for you that your counseling session will be just as it is supposed to be to lay the foundation for future productive sessions. I've read in some places that initially the M counsellor may make it appear that they are being sensitive to the less open spouse in order to engage that person in therapy. If the person who wants to save the M doesn't understand this, they may feel marginalized a bit. I don't know whether this might happen with you, but I wanted to mention it in case something like that happens. You are a very smart woman, so I'm sure you have prepared very well for tomorrow. I will be thinking about you! Please post when you have a chance afterward.
Thanks for your special "attagirl" today!!!!! You are not only very wise, but very sly too! As Rabbit would say "Your H is 'dead meat' if that's what you want". It's no wonder you have managed to turn your situation around.
SO sorry to hear about your snowstorm tomorrow! Ughhhh!!!!!! I know just how you feel. It has been a VERY long winter.
I was really excited to hear your new developments. It sounds as though things are progressing steadily.
Originally Posted By: dolphin_05
A couple more things.....an email using my name rather than just hi.........a huge amount of back pay child support
I thought that ^^^^^^^ was huge. I just about jumped up and down when I read about the back child support. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Originally Posted By: dolphin_05
In the conversation he mentioned that he had lots to do today (his day off and the day he usually spends with ow) including finding me a new DVD player. It's very definitely comfortable between us and I can see the positives ..........
It sounds as though you're spending lots of time with H. I will catch up with you after the funeral tomorrow.
Thanks Seeking, good to hear from you! GAG, thanks to for the positives. I am trying to write down all the tiny things just to keep me positive atm. It helps to hear that you see those things as positives, too.
H is on his way here now. He is coming over to set up the DVD. Another AoS but still no moves towards us doing anything more without D.
H set up the DVD and then stayed for dinner. After dinner he suggested that D stay at his house so I could sleep in instead of getting up early to take D. He brought up further discussions about Christmas but gave no clear responses as to what he will do. Showing uncertainty.
I have a gut instinct telling me he wants to make plans as a family to go to son's for Christmas.