Is this generally true for all of us?

[Navyguy]

My W had some issues in her past...something I've realized through this is that she's never really "found herself". I think a huge part of my DB efforts has been making sure that I'm no longer standing in the way of her doing so, and even subtly doing things to help her in her journey.

[JustStunned]

Navy, I hope you succeed creating the environment you and she need to progress. Moreover I hope she realizes and appreciates your efforts.

A caution though from one who lost himself attempting to nurture another, if you haven’t already done so look at these links about detachment http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ and healthy boundaries http://www.livestrong.com/article/14718-building-healthy-boundaries/. They have been posted here several times.

Sorry for the threadjack.

[Still learning]

Married at 24, first child at 27. Is that young?

My W is an ACOA, and there was a lot of mental illness in her family growing up. Must have been more tramatic than even I know because at some point she simply removed the part of herself that would discuss feelings or think about the past. She live entirely in the moment, which I suppose is a nice trick if you can do it! Her F sort of held things together - just being stable. Then that became my job.