Please tell me how it shows codependancy and dysfunction. No that is not what I want. I am trying to figure things out. Can you explain?
See Cylla's post with a list of characteristics. You match a lot of them in your relationship.
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WOW....he said this word for word. He said he felt like I was always trying to measure things.
He's right! Like I said before I do not personally think you are in the right place to even be in a relationship right now. This stood out to me because most people would be thrilled with simply knowing their partner loves them, but you need more.
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He loves me but doesnt want to get stuck in a marriage with me questioning things day after day.
I was questioning his motives early on in things and wondering why he was avoiding marriage. Now I am starting to believe he is smarter than I thought and actually realizes what a marriage to you in your current mindset would be. It is too much pressure for a guy if he knows already that his responses are not good enough. Men are simple creature when it comes to communication and if you want to make it difficult for him then he will continue to feel this way.
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As far as the gaming goes, he has always played this game. He plays with his brother sometimes. BUT I do agree it es escaping from life because my son does the same exact thing.
How does the yard look? How is the honeydew list looking? Is he playing the game more than he is spending time with you? I do not care who he plays with, online gaming is an addiction if it in anyway interferes with your quality of life and ability to accomplish needed tasks within the framework of your home. Here is a simple question that your boy cannot answer for you honestly. Would he rather be playing that game or talking to you?
Ok I will finish with this. I work full time, I am a single parent to my 17 year old daughter, I go to school full time, I coparent my 14 year old son, I bowl in a league just to have some social life, and I also have a lot of friends who i have a hard time keeping in touch with. It may take a month for me to come back on here and respond, and the fact that you approached the fact that I had not responded yet, kind of scream out to me exactly what I have been trying to tell you.
You need to do some work on yourself Renee and get to a place where you are comfortable being alone. Where you do not need anyone telling you what you need to do. Where you are comfortable in your own skin. Are you seeing a therapist? If not I do reccomend it, for you not you and him.
most people would be thrilled with simply knowing their partner loves them, but you need more.
WHY do I need more? I wish I knew. You are right, this SHOULD be enough. I think I am scared to death.
I was questioning his motives early on in things and wondering why he was avoiding marriage.
He wants to make sure he doesnt jump in TOO quick. He says he wants to make sure we can get along. He is SCARD TOO. PLUS it doesnt help matters the way I am.
Would he rather be playing that game or talking to you?
I asked him this and he said sometimes game sometimes me. He is a pretty honest guy.....or seems to be to me. He says i is addicting and knows he should be doing other things. He has admitted this and is trying to do better and he is.
Thanks Ian and no I am not seeing a therapist. I can not afford one. I can however tak to my Pastor and I do.
On another note.....my son told his girlfriend that I left his dad. This concerns me because why would he say that, he knows what his dad did. I really miss my boy.
[quote]On another note.....my son told his girlfriend that I left his dad. This concerns me because why would he say that, he knows what his dad did. I really miss my boy.{/quote}
How old is your son? He's probably been "convinced" of all kinds of things....just my opinion.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Tad my son will be 21 in June. I assume he is ashamed of what his dad did, and therefore blames me. He knows. He is still really inmature at this point. I just wish I could see him for 5 mins. I miss hm soooo badly.
I posted on your thread but will post it here too.
Today I called where my x works. I have a friend there. I was surprised when xh answered the phone. It went like this:
XH: Hello this is ......, can i help you? ME: How is Allen? (I try to ask him thinking if maybe he knows I am ONLY concerned about our son (which I am), he may tell me how son is doing. XH: What? ME: How is our son? XH: Click...hung up as usual.
It's been over 2 yrs., he is remarried with a new baby and is STILL angry! I will NEVER understand.
I do not get it Renee? Why the hell would you say anything to him? Sometimes we get the response we get simply because we asked for it.
One more thing, stop assuming anything and just be for God's sake. You need to try and remember one thing, you do not know anything until you hear it straight from the source.
I havent spoken to my son in over a yr. and a half. I miss him terribly. I worry about my son, I cant help it. I dont know how he is doing, dont know if he is going to school or if he needs anything. I want my son to know I am here for him always, he has had to deal with this divorce too. I ONLY speak to my ex because of my son. I guess I thought he may say "hes fine" or something? I mean we are adults, what the heck is his prb.? Ian I cant help but miss my son and worry about him. I feel so guilty for pushing him to live his his dad. I guess I thought one day.....maybe one day my xh will come to his senses and realize there is NO NEED for all this anger. He threw me off track this morning...any chance I get to ask about my son, I try and take my chances. Like I said, I cant help it, I love him and miss him so much.
Andabelle, x and I had to go to court months back over him not signing the title over to me on MY vehicle that I got in the divorce. When we were in front of the judge my ex laid his paperwork on the judges desk instead of the podium where we were suppose to stand. The bailiff asked my x to remove his stuff from the desk and my x raised his voice and said..."I can not be near her, I have issues with her"...the bailiff said. "do what I tell you, you are in court and I am here to protect you".....sarcastically. You would not believe the anger in his voice. the man HATES ME! I pray for him and his anger. I also pray for my son. I dont want anything to stand between my son and I. If it means eating crow, than so be it. He is my only child and it breaks my heart like nobody knows.
