I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Drew, he sent me a letter to approve to send to STBXW's attorney. After the email exchange with STBXW I had him tone it way down to essentially say "we'll accept the settlement amount if you go back to the original proposal" and we're throwing in a statement that we'll be open to adjusting the insurance on an annual basis as costs rise.

I'm guessing her attorney seizes on anything that looks halfway combative to convince her to fight it out so I don't want to add fuel to the fire.

Another development, meeting with bankruptcy attorney on April 19 to discuss when/how to get out from under the $25k in credit card debt. My initial plan is not to write off the car -- that was my debt, not something foisted on me by STBXW.

Couple of interesting things in initial conversation. I'll be borderline Chapter 7 eligible if I claim just a one-person household. I easily qualify as a three person household. I asked him if I file as a 3-person household does that preclude STBXW from filing as a 3-person later.

He's not sure. He's going to check. When the house finally sells there's going to be a huge deficiency and I don't want to keep STBXW from being able to file.

Also, the wedding ring is a complicating factor. It was worth $2,500 or so 15 years ago. With the price of gold -- it's white gold -- the damn thing may be worth $4,000. Since I can exempt just $4,000 in personal belongings, that means the bankruptcy trustee could seize it to sell to pay off some of the debt.

Yikes.

The bankruptcy attorney said it's common for the trustee to offer to sell it back to the person -- so I may, may, may have to borrow from my 401k to buy back a wedding ring I got as a gift from my mother.

I asked if I could just give it to my aunt or sister. He said, no, that's bankruptcy fraud.

Up, down, up, down, up, down.

Went to a chamber event and had a decent time. Then went to the church singles group and after I set up a dance/date with one of the ladies. She swing dances occasionally. I'm not very good, but I've been doing this fitness class where you have to keep time with the music. She does the same class so she said I should go swing dancing and I said I'd go if she went with me. She said yes. We're going to do it in April.

I don't think it's really a date, but it'll be a Thursday to look forward to. She's 10 years younger, but she's also a medium height, brown-eyed brunette, which is usually the type that thinks I'm attractive, so hey, once this divorce thing is done who knows.

[whatisis]

I don't think it's really a date, but it'll be a Thursday to look forward to. She's 10 years younger, but she's also a medium height, brown-eyed brunette, which is usually the type that thinks I'm attractive, so hey, once this divorce thing is done who knows.

Isn't this the woman who is engaged or something? If so, you're walking a tightrope and it's not a good place to be! I did it a few years ago...oh, it was only coffee...about 15 times, it was only walks in the park while we waited for our daughters to finish their dance classes. It was something that put us both in very difficult positions and both of us should have known better. Be careful CTH, you have a habit of jumping in with both feet!
Sorry about the bankruptcy thing, it s@cks and just keeps this crappy situation alive for longer. Now, I ask, if you are in a grave financial situation and need to declare bancruptcy why then are you not wanting to claim the kids if it means wife cannot do so? Why throw yourself on the sword for her? There's being fair and there's being the protective white knight, the role you've always loved to play for her. Do what's right and best for you and the kids. Don't be so nice! Think about it.

[ClingingToHope]

No. Wii, she's not engaged. It's a different lady from the same group. That's the good thing about this church singles group -- there are several attractive ones. I've just been biding my time.

Wii, STBXW originally proposed a lower child support payment and insurance payment than she'd likely receive if we went to court. If we went to court to fight and I lost, I'd have to pay an additional $100 every two weeks -- or $5,200 a year.

So I have to count my blessings. A lot of people on this board were bled dry by their exes.

After doing that, it'd be extremely mean-spirited of me to do something in bankruptcy that could potentially wipe her out. The girls are with her 60 percent of the time -- and I don't want them growing up hearing how I screwed her in bankruptcy after she willingly took less in support and insurance. My mom spent the rest of her life blasting my dad for shorting her. They are both gone so I don't know the whole truth.

This morning I retook the online Chapter 7 means test and I'm still comfortably within the guidelines. I make more than the guidelines call for but when you factor in the child support and credit card debt I'm fine.

[ClingingToHope]

Uuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhh, long night.

Tonight was the third tryout of the school year for the theater group I got D12 involved in five years ago.

It's kind of become even more important to STBXW. It keeps her weekends occupied when she doesn't have the girls.

Still, it was a strain on time and money when D12 did all three plays. The past two years she did just two.

The difference this time was D8 finally tried out for one. She has a friend doing it so she tried out to be around her.

So it was a big audition night. It's my weekend and last night I get a text from STBXW asking if I was taking the girls to auditions because D8 wants her to take her.

I replied that I was going to take them to auditions, but she was welcome to meet us there.

So that's what happened. We were together from about 5:45 p.m. to around 8:45. STBXW spent most of the time talking to her friend on the sewing committee. That lady's husband just played solitare online and I read SI. But STBXW filled me in on some stuff from school. I just listened.

Finally, when it was time for the girls to go their singing audition we had to move to a waiting room for the parents. There were a couple new families in there so they were doing introductions, you know, hi, I'm xxx and this is my wife/husband xxx. When it was our turn I didn't know what to say so STBXW just said he, I'm xxxx and this is xxxx.

Anyway, the auditions went very, very well. D12 had rehearsed all week and nailed her part. I will be very, very disappointed if she just gets another ensemble part. This is her 11th play. She deserves to start getting some solo parts.

D8 sang "This is your land" and did OK for a first-time audition. She was soooo scared. She had to watch several others, who have been in theater for years, and she was a little intimidated.

After, she was so relieved she went back to her chair and said "I just want to go home now" and cracked up the room.

We'd made plans to go eat after and we asked STBXW to come along. She did and it was an old family meal.

The girls were excited. At one point D8 blurted out "we're eating together as a family. We don't do that anymore."

I'm being sentimental tonight. STBXW looked better. She's been on a diet and she looks better. Plus, she just feels better when she's around the theater group and when she's smiling it still melts my heart.

And that 1 percent that won't give up thumps loudly in my chest.

[ClingingToHope]

Did a dumb thing. D12 didn't log out of her FaceBook page ... so for the first time in a long time I checked out STBXW's page.

Nothing in the posts of interest -- other than the Feb. 2 post she put up about some nice person shoveling her driveway. She's so grateful.

I did it. I'd been listening to a sermon from church on being thankful and after shoveling mine -- we had a 14 inch blizzard that night -- I wandered down and did hers. We live two blocks from each other.

Then I clicked on photos. And, like the moth to the flame, I saw she posted 46 pictures from her trip to Sturgis last summer.

I went through them. About 10 of them had the OM -- I keep thinking he might not be, but he keeps popping up.

Funny, none of them had her best friend in them, the one she supposedly rode down with. I find that really curious. You'd think she'd be in one of them.

My guess -- the best friend thing was a ruse for me and the girls.

I know it doesn't matter. I'm sitting her very upset and I shouldn't be. I had a two-week fling in December.

Funny thing, the sermon today was on being grateful and I am trying to focus on the positives. But for some reason I wanted to feel sorry for myself this weekend. Perhaps it was too much time with STBXW on Friday.

I think I need to back off that again. Just get the D done.

[ClingingToHope]

Finally the realization, STBXW is a liar and a cheat. Friends told me both of those things, but I wanted to keep my head in the sand.

Any time she pops into my head, I just remember that she is a liar and a cheat.

It clears up a couple of things. I was planning on going to court when this is all over -- probably in May. Now, no, it's not worth my time.

[mishka422]

Whoa whoa whoa....backup.

What happened to bring that out?

[ClingingToHope]

Last night, I looked at the trip to South Dakota photos she took last August. Very telling. This was no trip with friends. This was a trip with one special friend.

I was mad at myself for even looking at them -- but I needed a bit of a slap in the face so it's a good thing really.

I have no idea what's going on with them since, but it doesn't matter. I've been getting sentimental and thinking --- what if?

That's stupid on my part. That August trip should have been the last straw for me, but I wanted to believe it didn't mean anything.

She's a liar and a cheat and I hope the day it's over I go off and have a pity party and then realize I'm better off.

Part of the sentimentality is I've been spending more time with her. We had dinner together for D12's birthday. We went to their theater auditions together.

Those were tough on me because I think it could all work out if ..... Going forward, we can continue to do some of those things together, but I just have to remember she's a liar and a cheat and I'm better off.

[mishka422]

Do you mean you believe she was with OM before she asked for the divorce?

Wouldn't that be the only way she is a cheat?

[ClingingToHope]

She didn't file until Feb. 2010. She was spotted with this guy in August 2009 and I saw messages from him in December 2009.