I imagine you as such a graceful and dignified lady, as that is how you come across in your posts. I always read them, and when I am interacting with H try to emulate how you think.
Your H seems to be a good man as well, just confused and on the wrong path. Keep that oasis of calm in your home, and one day it will all click in his mind.
I am working for that as well! I think I may be slowly getting there too.
You take care and God Bless! I prayed for you at mass today.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I am not sure about the dignified and graceful part, I just try to follow God. I know that He is here right with me at all times and this really does give me peace. Today a friend and I were talking and she said, "I want you to be happy." I told her, for the most part I am! I believe I get that from trusting God. I have been able to get back to my hobbies, though without a job, it is hard to do those that use money. But, I had some projects I need to finish, and this makes me happy!
Thanks for praying for me, I prayed for you at Mass last night too. I also prayed for all those on this board and for all prodigal spouses to return home to their families.
God Bless Angel, God is right there beside you!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Just a quick update, not too much going on here. H is in total avoidance at this point, which is good and helps with detachment. I did see him Sat. night as we had seats together for D16's high school musical performance. We were friendly with each other and enjoyed the show. I was struck with sadness as I drove alone to our home. Tonight should have been a happy and joyous time to celebrate our daughter's achievements and how proud we were of her. Instead I came home alone and he went to be with OW. I had a good cry until it was time to get pick of D16 from the cast party.
Today, has been great and went to see the final show with my MIL. She and I had a blast and she loved the show. My D16 had so much fun, they have been rehearsing since December and I know it was well worth it. It is amazing how much talent and hard work high school kids put into a show. Now, D16 is off with friends bowling and I am home relaxing, thinking about what I want to get accomplished this week.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie - I definitely relate to the overwhelming sadness. What seemed to be precious just a short time ago - sharing the joys of parenthood - is gone. How can the other person ever know? My prayers are with you! IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Thanks IB! I have no idea what the OW is thinking? I have no idea if H is even being honest with her. She may not even know I was right there next to him. I am just glad he did not bring her with him. Sometimes, I think the OW doesn't even see myself or daughter as real life human beings. I think she too avoids thinking about how this hurts a family. I am praying for you too!!
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie, the OW who thinks of the family cannot be an OW for long. I once almost became one 18 years ago. But I was not able to stand the thought of breaking up a family and put an end to the friendship. I still see the guy, they are still all together, and am glad I have the right moral values.
Maybe it would be actually a god thing if OW met you and your D. Last November, after OW and I met and spoke, she acually stopped talking to my H for a while, because she was feeling guilt. Right now, I know they are talking again, but H says it is really more to help her with her projects. I think though that my H feels he has a chance with her, that is why he is so miserable.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I totally agree that "if" she has any morals she would see us as humans but I don't know that she is capable of that, especially looking at H and the obvious physical decline he is showing she doesn't see him that way either. I think she is in this relationship for the same selfish reasons he is in the relationship. I know one day it will all come crashing down on both of them.
I left you a message on the 40 day challenge on day 1 or 2. Go check it out.
I think your are right about H and his contact with OW. But that too shall pass, especially with your prayers for him. Remember time is on our side, patience is a virtue.
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Nothing new to update, just decided to journal a bit. Everything is status quo. I believe H is in total avoidance phase, meaning he doesn't and isn't going to make any kind of decisions about anything! He is still living with his parents, but spends lots of time with OW, including everyother weekend that he is not here with D16. Yes, he still comes here, because his parents have told him he needs to come here or get an apt. They say when D16 comes to the house it should be because she is there to visit with grandparents and not her dad. So, he comes here and stays in the guest bedroom. I just go about my own business and they do their things. We did eat a couple of times together. This is a double edge sword for me as I am glad he gets to see the changes in me, though I doubt he cares at this point. The other is that he is constantly in contact with OW while he is here and it bugs me. UGH! I hate that I let it bug me. I am sure he has to be in total contact with her because she wants to make sure what he is doing with me! LOL!
So, until I get a job, I don't see this changing anytime soon as he has no money to get a place of his own, though I am sure OW wants him to move in with her, but she lives 40mins away from his job, so he hasn't done that yet. I think they are still talking about moving her down to here so then they can live together, and I guess she is going to support him until I find a job, because he will not look like the bad guy to D16 and all of a sudden stop paying for the house and bills.
Maybe eventually the OW R will break up and he will then be open to working on things in his M. But, I am not holding my breath, I am just trusting God. I just really want H and D16 to continue to rebuild their R. At least he took her to do some fun things, and she is really responding to him better.
I hope everyone had a great weekend! Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Just popping in, nothing new to update. Very little contact with H which at times can be depressing, but it really does help with detachment and working on myself.
Currently I have other problems to deal with, like finding a job. Yes, I am still looking 5 months later. But I did have a promising interview this week. Another is that my sweet grandmother is in kidney failure and I am spending with her and helping my mother.
But, I have been reading Jim Conway's Midlife website and found this very short but right on target post:
Will my husband ever tire of the other woman?
Think of an oak tree which holds its leaves through the entire winter. But when spring time comes, the new growth and new leaves push the old leaves off. Keep focusing on growth and change and the other woman will be pushed off as an old leaf.
-- Dr. Jim Conway
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
So, H took D16 out for dinner on Tuesday night. He has not seen her for a week. Previously H and I discussed the fact that last weekend he would not have D16 for his scheduled visit as she had a retreat. I offered to let him have two weekends in a row or adjust weekends, but he never got back to me. So, Tuesday night when he tells D16 goodbye he said he would see her on Friday. I asked, why Friday, had they planned something else. He said, well since I didn't see her last weekend I just thought I would this weekend. D16 says, "Dad, I have plans. You never got back to us about what you wanted to do about my retreat weekend, so I thought you didn't care if you missed a weekend." H said, "I just thought we would start over on the rotation." D16, "Well, I have plans this weekend because you didn't discuss this with me or mom," I say, "Well, you could still arrange some time together on the weekend if you want." D16 says, "I just want to keep the schedule the way it was previously planned because I don't want to mess up Easter Weekend plans either." H says, (deflated), "Okay."
I walk him out the door and said I am sorry she made plans, and this is her decision. He said he understood and he should have discussed it with us when it was previously brought up. I then say "BTW, I have started getting boxes for your stuff, and was going to pack it, but thought you may want to do that yourself. I said, I am not working I would be happy to pack your stuff if it wouldn't bother you."
H says, "No, I will do it."
I say, "Fine I will continue to get the boxes, because as soon as I start my job we can go over finances and you can go get on with your life."
H says, "We will see."
My minds says, "WTF!?!?!?!" but, I actually say, "The boxes will be in the basement when you are ready to pack up. I am sure you will want to do that soon." I then just walk into the house and left him there standing.
You know, I am not sure what to do at this point. I have dropped the rope and now am feeling more empowered. Especially since I have a job on the horizon and I don't need his paycheck anymore.
My BD is April 19th and that will be the 6th month mark that I found out about the affair and H moved out. Thankfully, I have plans with the girls that night.
Many Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
