Count your blessings instead of sheep...

[BobbiJo]

Yes I definitely want to go see a counselor. I had one for almost a year but have been so busy I haven't seen her since early November. I may find a new counselor bc this one didn't really challenge me and I need to get 'unstuck'...

Last night kids and I went to dinner with some extended family, cousins of my dad....it was a great time as I grew up with these people and haven't seen them in a while. However my migraine came back through the afternoon so I was battling that...went to bed at 8:45.


We got home from dinner at 8:10 and I had kids get into pjs. They were getting ready to go to bed and I saw a text from Dan asking if they were awake. I figured he wanted to call and say goodnight so I replied "Yes they are about to brush teeth for bed". Well he cross texted that he would stop by 'real quick' to hug them good night. He must have been on the way already bc as soon as he sent that the kids yelled that Daddy was in the driveway...

So he came in and hugged the kids and kissed them goodnight, and left. I don't know if that was bc of Sydney missing him in the morning, or what.

[AliSuddenly]

Hmm, well thats more about him and what he needed, than them? They were about to go off to bed. Its good of you to let him have such free access to the kids.. I guess you would say thats for their sake, rather than yours. But all of it doesnt help you move on hey.

I agree with Kalni who said Dan felt obliged to spell it out to you and state the boundary about, well this it is and the way it always will be.

My sister has a terrible time of 'letting go'.. she has a few failed R's and no amount of money on Counselling etc speeds up the process, IMHO. The only thing thats ever worked for her is... a new love.

[BobbiJo]

Vent...

Former MIL called me this morning. She had emailed me and Dan to inform/request that the kids go to see SIL and the nieces (my kids' cousins) for one niece's fifth bday party in two weeks.

This was crappy bc my mom had just told me the day before that my sis was having my niece/her daughter's bday party on that same day. However it is a saturday that is Dan's day and my mom knew that. She said she hoped he would switch with me. Well, he would if there was nothing going on but since his niece (I consider them all my nieces though and always will) has a party that day, he gets the day. I won't even mention it to him or ask him.

So I texted my mom friday that the kids would not be at the party and my mom replied "Well it is sad that they haven't gotten to go to any of their 3 cousin's --my sister's daughters--birthdays this year"

That ticked me off bc my mom loves to play the guilt card. And they know my custody schedule so if they have all the parties when the kids are supposed to be with Dan, and I can't switch for whatever reason, then it isn't my fault! Ugh.....if my kids being there was so improtant they would ask me first which day worked for me. And if Dan has them and they can't come then what good does it do to try and guilt me about it? Like I enjoy not having them there...


ANYway, MIL calls to see if I got her msg about the bday. I said yes, I did. I hadn't replied bc it isn't my day with the kids. Then she starts listing Wednesdays where she can't take the kids (Weds is Dan's day). I knew one of the days he was going to be in Mexico but I told her I was not aware he was going to be gone the following Weds as well. She said she thought he would, I said oh I will have to talk to him I haven't heard that.

Then she tells me that she and FIL will be taking kids to the bday party at SIL's 3 hours from here, bc although Dan will be back in town he has to stay and do cattle chores. [This is annoying bc he travels 12 days a month as it is then when he has them he takes them to his parents' to do farm chores so they don't get much time with him. But not my problem.]

So I said, very nicely, "Oh, that's too bad he won't be going too, I know the kids miss him when he travels a lot.

And MIL replies, "Well, if he is going to provide for the kids and for you and himself then he will have to work"

WTF????

The man gives me x dollars a month and still has 1.5x that amount for himself. And when he made 1/6 the money and never traveled, I never complained. I don't care about the money.

Besides when he was my husband and the kids' dad, it was his job to support us (I mean I work now but he was supportive of me being an at home mom too). He chose to cheat, he chose to move out, he chose to get the house he got that requires extensive remodeling, and he chooses to keep having his cattle enterprise. All of which require $$.

Sorry it just pisses me off that she said it like poor Dan he has to work so hard to pay child support and alimony. Grr.....

[mishka422]

As you've said before BBJ, she's a real piece of work and she will forever 'baby' Dan. That is a HUGE part of his problems...FOO issues.

That royally stinks though. You are right, they know that you have specific weekends and if it was important to them for the kids to be there then they would schedule the party to accommodate them.

Hugs sweetie! Hope you get another massage soon!

[BobbiJo]

I went for a massage today bc body pump made me hurt all over yesterday!

However my guy was booked. he made a spot for me but it was only 30 minutes which translated to 20 minutes after allowing time to dress and undress. So i will be going back...

[kat727]

Why do you stay connected to them if she bothers you so much? Isn't it time to just her go through Dan and work things out through him. You don't need this peace of work in your life too.

Kat

[BobbiJo]

Yeah, he told her last Easter after she threw a hissy fit about schedules, that she needed to back off leave me alone and go through him from then on.

However now when he goes out of town for work (he leaves Tuesday for Mexico) he asks them to take the kids on his weekly Wednesday w/the kids since I usually have church stuff. So she has taken it upon herself to call me and tell me when she cannot help out on a Wednesday. Actually she should just tell him and have him tell me so I know I can't do church and need to have the kids.

[AliSuddenly]

Yep boundaries Bobbi... with exMIL too. She's not your MIL anymore!

She sounds really unkind/insensitive to say something so brutal on the phone. H's Mum is like that.. she told my Dad and best FF that him leaving me was "the best thing that ever happened to him".. ON MY WEDDING DAY! We have no real idea what she means, except, in her eyes, HE didnt do anything wront. Guessing this woman is just the same about Dan. Mothers and sons hey (dont do it to Nathan! )

[john210]

"Well, if he is going to provide for the kids and for you and himself then he will have to work"

Wow!!! Who the heck says stuff like that??? Especially since he is the one who is responsible for where he is today....unless of course MIL thinks you are to blame? Even then, you may think it but actually say it? Wow (shaking my head).... you sure did not luck out with Dan and family BBJ. They must have some good qualities or you would not be putting up with this stuff and hoping to reconcile. Oh well hang in there BBJ....in ten years or so your kids will be able to take care of themselves.....

[BobbiJo]

Yeah I know John! Total piece of work...thankfully I rarely have to deal with her anymore.

I am going to make saving $$ a priority for the next 7 years while I have alimony so that once it goes away I can live comfortably on my own income. I will still have child support for Nathan for 3 yrs and Sydney for 7 more years after that but that is for their needs...

Been at hospital all night, my mom was rushed there today and is in rough shape. She suffers from COPD and today had shortness of breath weakness, and back and side pain. Plus her oxygen saturation was down to 72%. Scary.