Divorce or Hope?

[ninelives]

Well here is the fall out I suppose from haveing lunch with her family. I suspected it was going to bother her. She starts with the usual small talk but this is the first contact I have had with her in a week in the forum of a text.

What time are you bringing (S10) to me? Please send pants, sweatshirts, socks,etc. SChool bag. When are the play off games?

Would you consider coming for (s10) bday dinner on March 3?

Well nevermind. It is too soon probably. Glad you were able to go out and have lunch on Saturday. Wondering how that would how that would have played out if i wasnt working and could go. Guees i am always going to be ostricized by my own family. I bet everyone was relieved i wasnt there.

If i sound immature, i dont mean to be. Just thinking too much, Sorry.

I did not respond to this text. Then an hour later, She sends me another saying that she hopes I had a good week with S10 and S15.

I have to now give up S10 for the week and he has told me that my W has introduced the OM as her Boyfriend. Isnt that pretty much telling me that its over between me and her and any hope of Recon is pretty much done?

Feeling a little down today.

9BITS

[ninelives]

hEY bits, ANY INPUT?

9 bits

[ninelives]

Just called her a little while ago.

I texted her because I was unsure if she was going to bring our son to another hockey game tonight. She has him starting yesterday.

I said i assume that you are bringing him to the game.

She responded with you assume correct.

I responded: than I suppose an affirmative response is warrented to that former assumption.

She responds: Are you Dr spock now

Me: the child dr or the vulcaan

Her: the vulcaan

Her: Is the athletic competition at 1900 hours.

She is trying to engage in some light humor as I guess she misses that part of our relationship which was always good.

I didnt respond and further engage. I dont think I will be her friend and joke around while she is in a relationship with another guy.

I called her this morning at work and I was a little miffed that she made no provesions for me to se our son for his birthday. As I mentioned,she wanted to have a birthday dinner with all of us, then recinded that invite because I didnt respond to it right away.

She is back to asking if we can have dinner as a family. I dont think that I should because this would be way to difficult for me to do so and then she go back to having sex with her boyfriend. I think she would be cake eating at this point.

I am really mixed up right now and would really love to have some input.

PLEASE HELP

9
BITS

[ninelives]

BTW, i ended the call the first time when I called and she called back just a little whie ago in absolute tears and really wants to have this dinner thing with our family and for our youngest birthday

She said that why cant we do this for our son and i said, because when you walked away and decided to end our family, these are the type of things you need to be aware of. You ended our relationship and therefore ended the family.

You cant have it both ways, she then said that I was only thinking about myself and not our son by not complying.

She said it would be good for all of us if we could be civil to each other and have dinners for special occasions and the like.

I again , said no, that it would not be a good idea.

She contiued to cry very hard and I told her to please stop crying and she couldn't . This was something that she always did when we had disagreements. But this time I stuck firm.

Am I doing the right thing? She is not with me, she is with anothet man. How can she expectt me to just forget that while we play happy family. Isnt that also giving the kids mixed messages.

She asked me why I had an angry tone to my voice and I said because there are other things going on in my life besides you.

and its true, I did get into a little trouble at school as I was having a little anxiety attack and walked out of my Phys Ed class which was outside and wouldnt you know it , a fight broke out. Its nothing major but another stressor.

She wanted to know what kind of trouble I was in and I told her that she didnt need to know.

Then I heard her text message go off in the background and I told her that she had more important things to deal with and that she better answer her text.

9Bits

[Redo]

You cant have it both ways, she then said that I was only thinking about myself and not our son by not complying.

I dont meant to hijack your thread, but i'd love to hear from the vets what they think here. My W threw a similar line at me. I did not know how to respond. Hell we are about to be divorced in about a week and my W acts like we're still married. How do you respond, knowing very well that if you say no, W could take it to mean that you don't care for your child. And if you say yes, then you could be playing to her tune.

[JustStunned]

I am a far cry from a vet here, but I will weigh in with MO. I don’t understand the whole “I reject us and our relationship, but we can be friends forever” delusion. IMO this only delays the pain of the breakup for the spouse expounding it. That said never be mean spirited or vindictive in your communication. Be calm, rational, focused, and as kind as possible without compromising your principals.

IMO, your children and your emotions for them are being used. This should never ever be allowed to continue from either spouse.

IMO, your children need to hear you tell them how much you love and respect them. Your children need to see you demonstrating your love and respect for them. Your children need to see love and respect for your spouse during a healthy relationship. Most of us are not here with a healthy relationship. Your children do not need to see either of you being manipulated negatively or taken advantage of. JMO, take it with grains of salt.