Count your blessings instead of sheep...

[ClingingToHope]

That was an interesting choice of words on Dan's part in terms of calling himself "your husband."

I remember last year STBXW asked me to look into something insurance wise because if I filed the right form "it could help us."

I thought ... "what us?"

I just figured it was habit.

[sandycay]

just like everytime EXH talks to me he says "well, honey....blah blah blah." It's funny when he catches it... he always apologizes.... hey that is what he called me for 19 years. Sometimes I don't notice it but the other soccer moms do! LOL

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Bobbi... you kissed Mr 6 dates man yet !? Or was that 7.. 8 ?

Just being nosey

[BobbiJo]

Nope, I have not seen nor heard from him since our 8th date which was two weeks ago. I am not going to continue initiating contact because I prefer to go out with a man who is interested enough to pursue me to some extent.

On the other hand, golf guy had texted me happy vday and again this week he texted to tell me he missed seeing me and talking to me. He was in South Dakota for an interview and suggested getting together when he drove near here on his way back home--he lives 2.5 hours from here. I had my kids so I declined (plus I am not all that in to him) and he said ok, next time. So apparently I will have to be more forward bc we haven't gone out since November and he continues pursuing! I almost wish I did like him more since he is at least attentive.

I am just taking a break from the dating game. I canceled my match membership back in December and I do not feel like eliminating another 2000 profiles to find one good one. So no more looking for a guy.

Funny I was talking about things with my pastor last week. When he comforted me and told me that Dan's As and problems were not my fault. And I said I was not going to go out looking for love, and he said, "But you never know when the right guy could walk into your life." So I am going with that. When Mr. Awesome walks into my world, then I will go out with him. Till then, focusing on work and kids, and getting my house and my life in order.

[BobbiJo]

I am so proud of my speech kids! 41 performances at Districts yesterday got I ratings, and 7 got II ratings. Pretty good stats! The 41 who got I ratings will perform at State in 2 weeks, trying to earn a nomination to All-State, where the best and brightest from all over Iowa gather to show off for each other.

I reallllly hope we get some kids to All State. Last year we took 6 or 7. This year if we get 3-4 we will be doing well. Some of our superstars graduated so we are in a 'rebuild' year... So much fun with the kids, I was the only coach (there are 3 of us) who rode on the bus with the 45 kids we took and had a blast. Several 'friended' me on FB and I accepted. I have no worries about that bc I am their coach not their teacher and besides I don't post racy stuff on FB anyway!

I am struggling, again. Sick of it. I buck up and rally and find myself sinking again every couple of months. I wonder if it will ever get better. I have just got to find a new counselor or start back at my old one, and maybe get back on meds of some kind.

There is just something mentally wrong with me, I think. I have read till I am blue in the face. I know the principles, I suck at applying them. And even when I say I just want to get over Dan and move on with life, I know for certain that a large chunk of me doesn't really want to.

Like if I met with a counselor tomorrow and he/she said "Here you go. Drink this magical concoction and you will have zero feelings left for your ex".....I doubt I would drink it. Even though I hate missing him. WTF??? I am one messed up chickie.

Sometimes I am so strong and in a good place. Then within a couple hours something else happens and I am crying about him. UGH! Maybe I should quit listening to music!

I have had crying jags here and there almost every day for about a week now. So tired of this. He was texting me at the start of church this morning about exchanging the kids today. I got up during church to go downstairs and prep for teaching children's church (I do that every other month or so, we rotate) and a woman followed me downstairs. She knows the generals of my sitch, that we are divorced and share time with the kids, she knows I would ideally like to work things out, she knows Dan and his family, etc etc.

Anyway she followed me downstairs and asked how I was doing and I started crying, again. She said to message her on FB any time and she will be my prayer partner. She is also going to look up the info for a counselor she has used in the past for her daughter.

OK time to accomplish something and not wallow...

[john210]

Hey BBJ, I don't drop by here much anymore. As I sit here watching the oscars, for some reason...my mind just went sideways and I began thinking how much this whole "THING" has affected me. How at times it still does....how I will never be the same....how I lost my ability to truly open up to someone.
So...I decided to come on here and see if some of the old guys are still posting and..............voila there is good old BBJ. Still struggling? Well if there is something wrong with you, YOU are not alone. I have to admit that a few thing s you wrote (especially the potion)was difficult to read. I don't know that we ever get to zero feelings...actually I don't even know what percentage I am at....I do now that it is not easy and that there is no potion or lotion or book or whatever that works for everyone. What can help a little is the balm of a new relationship...but you are not there yet. I don't know what else to add BBJ apart from the fact that I am pulling for you to get closer to where I am.....not at zero....probably never at zero....but somewhere better than where you are now.

[kat727]

You are mourning the death of your relationship. That doesn't happen overnight. Before you could possibly have a new relationship with Dan or anyone, you have to let this one go.

There is no set time so give yourself a break. When you get yourself to a good spot, you might find that Dan hasn't grown up with you. That isn't your problem though. You can only make the choices for yourself.

I dint think there was anything wrong with just hanging out with HG. The thing is you aren't ready to give your heart away and get serious, so why expect it of him? You could learn so much from being in a friendship relationship which may or may not turn into something more.

Hugs, kat

[BobbiJo]

John,

Thanks. I don't post a whole lot anymore either but I am just frustrated with feeling some of these things STILL--and I don't really have anywhere else to vent where people get me. Hugs.

Kat I agree there was nothing wrong with hanging out and just having a friend to do things with. That wasn't the problem. The problem as I saw it was that I was the one initiating contact and suggesting getting together 85% of the time. I am happy to have a mutual friendship but if I am making the effort all on my part then it isn't worth it to me.

[v1olin]

I get you, BobbiJ. Being around my ex at all is very dangerous for me. She thinks I hate her but the truth is that I rebound very quickly(towards her) when I spend time with her or near her. I have known her for 20 years! Very hard to undo that but I am doing it.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Bobbi.. I think we know you struggle, its kind of obvious from your posts even if you dont say, so never fear you are not 'outing' yourself!

You dont want to get over him/take a magic potion because that would mean letting go, and you cant let go. My theory is, when one partner walks out and yet the other partner 100% wanted to stay in teh relationship, you sort of never get over that. I know I wouldnt have if H hadnt come back. Sure, I would have gone on to date sooner than you have, but then I was motivated to have kids and I may have even gotton together with the Piscean pretty quick, moved in and done that (who knows how many years it would've lasted, but we did genuinely love each other).. but a corner of my heart would ALWAYS have loved my ex.. as a small corner of my heart still loves the Piscean.

The reason I'm ok with that though, is I chose to leave him.

If you are the one who was left and had no say/control over that, its unfinished business in the extreme and I thikn its perfectly normal to not be 'over it' or done.

You just need to find ways of coping and moving on.. a new direction in life, a new passion (going back to school to do something frivolous maybe!?) a new love as Jon says..

I think its like those woman on my fertility board that just cant get pregnant and have to accept that and stop trying in their 40s's... you never get over it, or stop wishing, you just find ways to move on.

Hey I'm no counsellor, but I would say how you feel is entirely normal hun.