Moving Forward

[FindingMyVoice]

And I have to decide if I can believe her, trust her, and be willing for another round or not.

I think if there wasn't a part of you, deep inside, that was willing to try again, you'd have been long gone by now. My prayer for you is courage.

[sandi2]

Sure would like to hear from you GW. I think about your stitch nearly every day.

[gutwrenching]

Been a ton going on...some just too much to explain in terms of job opportunities/interviews. Had some tough decisions because some good job opportunities that I was assured would NOT happen if they knew of the M problems.

W has moved out. She has said she wants to "reconcile" but when push came to shove, she hasn't offered enough for me to willing to do that yet. She knows the key boundaries...no contact/transparency/MC/IC. I also told her to remember back to this summer and her words/actions/specifics and that since that only got us 3 months that it would take more than that to alleviate my fears of ending up in this same spot again...and right now, she hasn't offered more. She has agreed that the S needs to happen so that both of us can figure out what we want and know for certain. She said she needs to know for certain, no wondering, needs to know for sure where the grass is greener.

It has been tough. I have strong moments and weak moments. But still pressing ahead. D4 is already starting to act out. Both kids have now told my W that she shouldn't be living there, she should be here with dad and them...

At this point, I don't know what the future holds. I know I have not seen or heard enough. I know that I don't know if I have it in me to try again...and it is about the fear of being back in this same spot. Contact with OM has not ended...it is very minimal, according to her words, and backed up with the intel I can gather. Emails have almost stopped. A few texts that she admits too. She claims OM has shown his true colors and she wishes she had been stronger in Nov and never reached back out to him.

That is the short version.

[sandi2]

Thank you for updating us, GW. I think of your family almost daily.

((hugs))

[gutwrenching]

Thanks Sandi. You are incredible.

Things continue to twist and turn. W is showing a ton more sincerity/effort, she really wants to get back together and make the M work. It look like I will be getting a very tough job this summer that will involve a lot of work, stress hours. W has business trip to place about 2 hr drive from where OM lives...she said if we can decide to work on things and it would make me feel better, I can come along on trip...

[sandi2]

Personally, I believe you're doing the right thing by holding her feet to the fire about OM. If she wants to make the M work....she will immediately tell OM to take a hike and she'll never speak his name again. But as long as she holds on to him...even by one little hair, then she's not serious enough about reconciling. I know you know all of this, but mostly saying it in case somebody new was to read this post.

I really admire how you have stuck to your guns, GW. I believe that has caused your W to have second thoughts about her decision. She may not tell you, but she admires this strength you have displayed and the fact you will not put up with her back & forth shenanigans.

If the two of you get back together....maybe this time it might be best to tell her you don't care to discuss her feelings about OM, as was done the first time.

I'm really sorry that you couldn't get that position you talked about based on M problems. Life sure is unfair at times. So, this job coming up in the summer...is this something you have no say about?

[gutwrenching]

Sandi,
Sure you will interested to know that we are giving it a try again. W has met all criteria/boundaries, swears never again (of course have heard that before), knows that grass isn't greener on the other side. One of the final enlightments to her I guess was a phone conversation with OM where he was rattling off everything a man should be for his W and she said it hit her that the new me offers all that and she's not sure the OM really ever would and that what they had wasn't real.

My guard is still way up. It seems different this time because I have no fear...if things don't work out, this last time I truly figured out that I will be fine on my own...funny thing is I think W found out she hated it on her own...

I can tell you that W seems to really working at, as she would put it, not being selfish. She told me she realized she is good at expecting her needs to be met, but hasn't been as good at "giving" on her end to make sure my needs were being met.

One of the keys for me was her upcoming business trip to a location about 2 hours from OM. I told her, before agreeing to reconcile, that I was very nervous about trip and not sure I was comfortable with her going alone...so we decided that I would take a week of vaction time and go with her. That is probably the only way I wouldn't just be a wreck of nerves wondering...

[gutwrenching]

Its been 2 or 3 months now...things still going well. I still have my doubts, radar still on high, but so far so good. W really putting the effort into it this time...

And I am in a different place, if it were to fall apart, I would just move on. That's what the separation did for me...took away a lot of the fear

[Lotus]

Hi Gutwrenching,

Good to hear from here, and that things are going well. Sounds like your wife figured out what was important to her in life, and OM didn't offer it.

[sandi2]

That's the best news I've heard in a long time! I'm not just speaking about the R, but in how you have grown. I could not be more proud if you were my own son. I feel certain that you are going to be fine regardless of the MR. Wow, you have really changed since you first came to the board!

I think going with her on that trip is a wise decision. She needs you by her side for support.....and especially as a protector.

Gosh.......we need PDT's big whistles!