Divorce or Hope?

[♪CS♪]

That's great 9! I love the drums, I have messed around with them in the past when a friend and my brother had sets. I know just enough to know how little I know!

On the same note (get it?) I just signed up for guitar lessons. My experience with guitar is about the same as the drums. All I have known were the same 6 chords for the last 10+ years. Time to actually take it somewhere.

[ninelives]

Country, we will be jamming and picking up the chicks and the WAWS will be a distant memory. Good on you for the guitar. My oldest son plays and thankfully, likes the old time rock.

Thats the stuff though, getting out there and getting a life rather than just wondering what W is doing.

Great Stuff Country

[♪CS♪]

Damn straight, I already put in an order for some leather pants and a shirt with no buttons.

[ninelives]

Ok, this is now day 4 of no contact. No text, she did call twice to talk to sons but that was it. And its having a reverse effect on me because I am missing her like crazy. WTF.. The no contact is what I want but when I get it, its like a reverse DB working on me as I wonder what she is doing.

Will this crap never stop. The drum lesson did help yesterday and I am looking forward to practicing, but my sons are not , however my s10 has a hockey game tonight and she is usually there for them. She is still with OM but I dont know how much contact they have.

I know OM , spends time with the family he left as he has two very young kids. My S10 told me that when he drops over, its not for long when she has him part time but I can assume that when S10 isnt there, he is over all the time.

How much more of this am I willing to take before I just say; " Okay, if this is the guy you want to be with then have at her!"
Im not exaggerating when people find out who this guy is that she left me for they actually cringe. One guy wouldnt even believe me when I told him. He said if you want to make up stupid stories than you dont have to tell me.

Another person said that she must be really pissed at me to be dating this guy.

I guess that is the part that I am really having the most difficulty with. How can she be with this loser? How can he be replacing me in her heart. My therapist told me that you are not in her heart and thats why it was available to be given away to another man. OUCH but I guess it rings true.

She says she wanted out of the marriage for years and I think that I must believe her but cant we have a new marriage?

I wish I could get a handle on what I really want. I think I really want my wife back but only if she loves me.

Feeling down again today, RATS!!!!!!!

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[JustStunned]

The no contact is what I want but when I get it, its like a reverse DB working on me

9 I know exactly what you mean. It has only been 4 days. IMO this is too soon to begin to evaluate this action. I was dark for 2 weeks then saw a couple of small positives. There are others here that have gone longer. Give your action more time then evaluate, don’t react.

Sometimes I worry that I am being DB'ed or that the resource W is using advises "Just give him time to accept your decision, he'll eventually see your wisdom"

[Queen_of_Swords]

I guess that is the part that I am really having the most difficulty with. How can she be with this loser? How can he be replacing me in her heart. My therapist told me that you are not in her heart and thats why it was available to be given away to another man. OUCH but I guess it rings true.

I say again. She can be with this loser, because she doesn't value HERSELF. She is accetping crumbs because right now it's more than she was getting in her perception. Eventually those crumbs won't be enough. Wait for that ...be the banquet she's been longing for.

[ninelives]

Thanks SC and JS.

I think you might be right but then there is the possiblity that she actually is in love with him as this has been going on for a year now in some capacity. Even when she came back to me, she wanted to be with him.

Had to drive by her house today on the way to my therapy ( no choice as the only road goes by her house) and his truck was in the driveway. Immediately took a shot to the heart.

I want to detach and mean it but I fear that to really get her out of my heart will take some time and I dont think there is any rushing it.

CRAP

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[Queen_of_Swords]

Thanks SC and JS.

I think you might be right but then there is the possiblity that she actually is in love with him as this has been going on for a year now in some capacity. Even when she came back to me, she wanted to be with him.

The thing is, in the first two years of a love relationship your brain lights up like it's on heroin.
That in and of itself is unsustainable over the long haul.

You know this. You've been there yourself at least once, right? You also know that reality bites...and hard after those two years! Then the real work of relationship begins because the day to day monotony of life interferes, and doubly so for someone divorced with all the complications that can entail!

Had to drive by her house today on the way to my therapy ( no choice as the only road goes by her house) and his truck was in the driveway. Immediately took a shot to the heart.

OWowow! Yeah I feel you.

I want to detach and mean it but I fear that to really get her out of my heart will take some time and I dont think there is any rushing it.

Do you really want to get her out of your heart, or do you want to love her unconditionally and let her make this mistake? Do you love her enough to let those rosy contact lenses get scratchy and irritating?

Look dude, I've been waffling ever since I got here between throwing in the towel and hoping and working against the odds.
With what Bolt, Denver, Jack and others have written, I now know what my values are. What defines love for me.

I respect the convenant I made, the vows I took. I love my H, I always will. I love my kids enough to keep trying until there is nothing for me to do about it.
I now know what I stand for. Despite the anguish, the sadness, and the sorry state of how he has treated me and how I treated him, I still feel warmly affectionate toward him often.

What are your core values my friend? What do you honor in yourself? What do you stand for? What defines your personal integrity and your definition of what love is?


CRAP

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[♪CS♪]

There is no rushing it, don't try. Just keep on truckin', nothing else we can do.

[ninelives]

Sat. Hockey developments. Imagine that , a hockey post from a guy in Canada, can you get more cliche.

Son had game today and she was working so she wasnt there. Found out today that she is back to work but on a rehab schedule because she was in the mental hospital 4 months ago. So they are gradually getting her back to a 12 houre shift.

Anyway, My BIL took me and S10 to game because my car is in the shop. When it rains it pours right. Her mother and SIL were also there. Everybody except for her. We all decided to go for lunch between games and it was like old times. The gatherings for the past 17 years with the same people except for my wife. IT was surreal for me escpecially since my SIL and I havent always seen eye to eye for a long time.

What was really strange was the MIL and me split a clubhouse sandwhich. I coach and it was cold today on the bench so SIL gives me her scarf. AFter game, I talk to MIL and she actually gives me a hug and says it was great to see me again honey. HONEY? She never once called me an endearing name the entire time I was married to her daughter. I wondered if she (MIL) is actually missing me and seeing that I wasnt such a bad guy. Maybe she regrets some of our silly misunderstandings in the past and wishes her daughter didn't take up with a loser.

Hard to say but it felt wierd. Still no contact with W for going on a week tomorrow.

Another day almost done.

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