Oh, that's good, JS! What did you have?? My H was the cook in our house so when he stopped cooking, I stopped eating. It was a great diet plan but alas, like you, I got hungry
I still think it is a good thing to try and slow things down. Again, so long as it doesn't provoke your wife further.
I was pretty worried about you opening the proposal... kind of lurking to see what would happened when you did (which is why I asked yesterday). You did great.
It really astounds me how well you are able to put things into perspective. However, you still need to let yourself feel the grief sometimes. You seem so strong to me, but I know that you are in a lot of pain. We're here for you, JS. I know this stinks. Keep up the DB'ing. They seem so in a rush for the D, but their long range planning isn't so good. Once that catches up with them, it usually slows down.
Hi LIS, just a simple meal really, typical man fare meat potato, green beans, nothing fancy, still it was very nice to go through the rituals at the table.
Thanks for asking. I have added you to my prayers also. Sometimes I think we should have a users list to use.
Some days I do really well, posting here offering opinions trying to help, helps me. I grew up with a handicapped older sibling perhaps that experience helps a little bit too.
Post about W's visit to follow. I think it went well, it was not what I was expecting.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Well, W visit was strange; we haven’t seen each other in two weeks. I know many of you are separated by greater distances and longer times. I was expecting more of the manic gotta clean, gotta clean, I hate you, I am so much happier since I’ve run away from you. This was different.
W called twice to verify I’d be home and her visit would be ok. She came in, I held the puppy back until she had her coat off came into the house proper and seemed composed. The puppy greeted her warmly. She brought him a toy, commented how much he’s grown, and showered him with affection. She really misses him. He has been a surrogate child.
Mostly we talked about her new job and its challenges. I was able to validate a little bit about the stress of starting a new job, learning new people. She asked about the archery league. I told her about it briefly and asked more open ended questions about her. It was all small talk. She noticed I have removed couple/wedding related items from display, but did not comment. I removed them because they were depressing me. They are wrapped and boxed against the day we wish to display them again.
We went into the basement and looked around. We discussed what is left to organize and clean. She is still under the impression the house will remain to be a storage location, and I will maintain it as such. She wants to conduct an inventory of all of the house hold items and begin the process of dividing them. I told her I was not ready to do so today and left it open ended. She told me this is what the Divorce for Dummies book, website and her L have suggested as the next step. “Divorce for Dummies” if I wasn’t living this I’d think that part was from a sitcom.
She left saying she would visit my mom on the way home. That could get ugly. I pray it does not.
I did not achieve my goal of working on something tangible with her while keeping the interaction pleasant. Certainly we were pleasant, but I don’t think W feels a sense of accomplishment. I do, she asked about something I am doing, expressing an interest in me. Baby steps.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Ok, I want to take this as a small positive. What do you think?
Today I let a call on the home phone go to the machine. It was W she said her C has recommended a web support group “divorcecare.com”. They send out email encouragement and conduct meetings. She said she was not going to meetings but receiving the encouragements, but I might want to go to the meetings. I want to see this as a small positive, but am I grasping at straws here?
She could have called my cell. She knows it is on my hip pretty much at all times. It is a work cell I am expected to respond to. When she left the call I am normally out of the house CC skiing. So she could have been trying to avoid speaking with me. IDK maybe I am over analyzing.
Today has been a tough day. My cousin stopped by and we talked about this drama and little else rehashing everything is depressing.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Just another update. This morning was tough, but I managed to maintain bearing through the day. I went to lunch with two other co-workers. I haven’t done that in about 6 months. It got a little tough when one of them related aggravations from his recent D. I just kept silent. I felt a little sorry for him. He is harboring quite a bit of anger and resentment. I thought about mentioning this site but I am not ready to have open discussions at work about my sitch.
My boss knows, his boss and HR, but I have asked them to respect my privacy and not discuss this. There is quite a little gossip mill where I work and I’d prefer not to be a topic now.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Sorry for my disappearing act this weekend. I am so sorry, I know that this is quite the roller coaster ride.
I agree that keeping things private at work is of paramount importance. I made the same decision and kept my circle of people who knew of my situation as small as possible. It gave me more control over my emotions.
Tell me more about this divorcecare thing. Had she actually visited the website? They seem very pro-marriage to me so yes, I would agree that this is positive. You have to let this play out, though. When do the papers need to be back at the lawyer's office?
I agree about keeping the circle of people who know about your sitch as small as possible. Unfortunately, I discovered about my H's EA, just before starting a new job. I couldn't concentrate, and would burst into tears and odd times. My boss knew that something was going on, and asked me, so I had to tell. We had a small team, so everyone knew by then. I am glad I told because they helped me to get calmed, and understood. I worked there for a year before moving to another city, but I remember those workmates very fondly.
It always depends on the circumstances, where you work, etc.
I do see a baby step in your wife giving you that web address. Do not, however, return the favour and give this one. This is for you to vent, and you won't be able to so worrying that she may be lurking.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
LIS, BeingMe, thank you for posting. I know most of us were busy with our own drama this weekend. Do not worry, this site is for me. I worry a little bit about the DB FB presence but that comes more from weighing possible alternatives than what I actually know. I do not have a FB account. I don’t know how I’d handle it right now
She has visited the divorcecare site and signed up for their daily messages. The counter needed to be in her L hands by Friday. In this State if I do not counter within 30 days it is taken as a sign of agreement and she can file.
I am just taking this day by day right now. Archery league is tonight, gotta remember to loosen my grip on the bow. I am tending to torque a little bit to the right.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Pretty down right now. Not anyone thing just a lot of small things.
I fear I may have posted some poor advice in another thread.
The dog is hurt. I think he slipped on ice and injured his left shoulder. Income from W's check would have paid for the vet visit so right now I can only try and keep him calm and pray this is a soft tissue injury.
I shot poorly at the league tonight, just could not relax and focus. I guess I am still pretty shook up over the counter proposal.
Reading threads here is a bit of a rollercoaster too. I am up for up for Bolt, LIS and Denver, then down for Zen, KevinC and so many others. I need just a good nights sleep to fight this off and renew. No one promised me a rose garden. I'll regroup and be back.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
