Newbie post What to do now

[lostinscared]

JS,

How are YOU doing? Are you finding the detaching easier?

What did you do with the counterproposal from the attorney?

What was your last interaction with your wife?

I'm praying for you.

LIS

[BeingMe]

What does BITS mean?

I also had a bible next to my bed during the bad times. I would read it until I got tired enough to sleep, or just a passage or two. A magazine like Readers' Digest is also good .. lots of inspirational stories and the like.

Take care.

[JustStunned]

Hi LIS, Thank You for checking back. I am better than I was. Detaching is easier although I cannot say why.

For the last two weeks I have not seen W. We have interacted briefly several times. A couple of times it started with a text message and then became a phone call. It has usually been me canceling a house cleaning session. The most recent was this afternoon. I scheduled a DB coaching session and had to cancel this evenings cleaning. Texts from W have been single characters or as minimal as possible. Today instead of K or NP, I received No Problem, nothing to hang a hat upon, but more than usual.

I am sitting on the counter at least until I ask my L when I have to respond by. It has sat unopened in my inbox since Tuesday morning. I planned on tomorrow, but I want to slow this process down so I want to ask when I must respond by.

W comes by on Sat to clean I’ve been canceling these session for two weeks. Sat I’ll do my best to accomplish something with her and keep the tension low. The goal is to for her to leave feeling good about us working toward one of her goals.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Brothers (Babes I assume) In The Shi(t)

[lostinscared]

JS -

I am sorry that you find yourself here, but I gotta tell you, I'm a little sorry that you didn't show up sooner. You know what you've got going for you? A lot of wisdom. You could have saved me from my own stupidity a couple of times!!! I really appreciate the fact that you told daughter to be careful and back off. It would have been easier to let her continue, but you did and said absolutely the right thing. You are also absolutely right to try to delay the D for as long as possible so long as you are not causing more problems doing it.

The one thing you have to learn is that you need to hang onto ANYTHING positive. Her replies got longer? Well that's a baby step and that is positive. I have a journal of the positives in my situation. It helps me so when I get down, I feel better. I don't know if something like this will help you.

Honestly, JS, the goal you have is again, RIGHT ON. Make her feel good. Any idea what you are going to do to accomplish that?

You have so much to be proud of especially in how you are carrying yourself right now. How did the session go with the DB coach? What did he say?

BM -

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Reader's Digest idea. You're right, there is a lot of inspirational stuff in there. I never thought to do that.

My prayers are with you. And we'll stay here and walk with you. You are going to be ok. First step is to BELIEVE that. Your GAL'ing is just plain awesome.

LIS

[JustStunned]

LS, Thanks for the kind words and encouragement, I have to say I don't think I deserve the praise. I am just another soul on this board trying to make my way. I make mistakes too.

Collectively we'll get through this. None of us is an island or will make it through trying to be one.

My coach agrees I need to make the time with W as positive as possible while giving her a sense of accomplishment doing something jointly. W wants to put the house in as positive a state as possible erasing the messes we allowed to creep in. We would have never qualified to be featured on one of those cable hoarding shows, but we were walking that path. So reducing the clutter, organizing, separating stuff into save, toss and sell is where this will probably go.

Snow on the trails has melted, so longer walks with the puppy while I look for something else.

[JustStunned]

Well, I read the counter proposal from my L. Strangely I do not feel as bad about it as I thought I would. I have to get it back to my L by next Tuesday. I’m sitting on it this weekend. I don’t think W will realize the long term impact until she lives it for a while. Long term planning is not a skill she is practiced in.

She has been rushing the D. Insisting it occurs yesterday, so I don’t think she has looked past it much. I think she sees it as a new beginning for her.

I am not going to let this get me down. I will not let this sitch control me. There are good people in this world and on this board going through far worse than this. Besides her L will likely make a counter, I would.

[what next?]

Sounds like my wife... she is convinced that all she wants is to get the divorce and move on. The only thing that I have thought to do was get her to that place as fast as possible so that she can see that it's not some magical cure all. Probably risky for me but if she thought that I was playing games to prolong our sitch I don't think that would help me at all.

[what next?]

Sounds like my wife... she is convinced that all she wants is to get the divorce and move on. The only thing that I have thought to do was get her to that place as fast as possible so that she can see that it's not some magical cure all. Probably risky for me but if she thought that I was playing games to prolong our sitch I don't think that would help me at all.

[JustStunned]

Tonight to lift my spirits I made a real meal. Got out a real plate knife fork etc., and enjoyed myself. Yeah I was alone, but it was the first real meal I’ve had in weeks. Well not entirely alone my little puppy hung out with me hoping for a scrap to fall.

Hello What Next, Yes I have considered giving W her time line, but I am not ready to do that yet. I am trying to slow this down to a pace I find acceptable, so I can face myself in the mirror and honestly believe I gave saving my M my best shot. I suppose I am being selfish here as this is for me. The old R is gone; it will take time to heal, before building a new one. This is part of my healing process.