Need Insight V

[Mach1]

That is what I will do...

I will also pray that you come over to MLC...

Because similar patterns and situations will be recognized there.

Just my .02

[InAPickle]

Been busy this week, so no time to post.
But yesterday was an exercise in lack of communication.

Remember how I offered that W could stay in the house for the sake of kids? Well for the past 4 months she's been sleeping in D17's room (has two twin beds) or on the couch. I thought that would continue, or we would move the twins to master suite and give D17 our queen. Silly me.

But wait a minute. W thought I was giving up the master suite, WTF. She even said that I said that, and I never even hinted I would give up the master suite. I am willing to share the suite or even take turns, but give it up altogether? Isn't she the one getting the D and pursuing R with OM?

Now she's miffed about missing the deadline on putting deposit on condo rental. She's proctoring a test this morning till 1:00 PM. Hopefully she'll cool down and realize she's asking too much of me. Help me out here folks, I'm trying to avoid another scene from war of the roses.

[ScaredinCanada]

I cannot believe her nerve, obviously she took your offer as pursuing and is taking advantage of it.

Damn this stuff [censored], it was suggested (as my W still lives with me) that I give up the MB to her as another way to detach.

The bottom line is I don't want to sleep on the couch for next 3-6 months! Like you said, I'm not the one who's pursuing seperation!!! I may try to move to the couch for a couple weeks to see if anything changes - but I am worried it will be a big issue to move back after I've left the bed.

Have you put yoru foot down about the master, or at least told her you'd be willing to take turns?

BITS
SIC

[InAPickle]

Have you put yoru foot down about the master, or at least told her you'd be willing to take turns?

BITS
SIC

Yes, I put my foot down, and I said we could take turns.
But we have yet to talk about it. She went to bed in the twin in a huff and we havn't seen each other in private yet. I am willing to share but will not give up the master suite 100%. The worst thing that can happen is she'll move out like she had planned. I wouldn't mind that either.

[InAPickle]

Remember, before Christmas I posted that picking my guitar and practicing carols in anticipation of a party helped ease the depressive downswings on the rollercoaster? I was on to something according to the following WebMD magazine article, which I read while in the doctor's waiting room.

http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/how-making-music-reduces-stress

So if any of you like to tap a keyboard or pluck some strings now and then, take note.

[ironMan]

Hi Pickle,
I think you need to go with your gut. You're being NICE, isn't going to get her to change her mind. She won't respect you if you go sleep on the couch to make her divorcing you more comfortable for her. She's her problem, man. If you feel that sharing is the right thing, then ok. But don't be a pushover, IMO.

[Redo]

Remember, before Christmas I posted that picking my guitar and practicing carols in anticipation of a party helped ease the depressive downswings on the rollercoaster? I was on to something according to the following WebMD magazine article, which I read while in the doctor's waiting room.

http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/features/how-making-music-reduces-stress

So if any of you like to tap a keyboard or pluck some strings now and then, take note.

Awesome. I just bought myself a keyboard last week hoping to learn the piano. Maybe next year i'll buy myself a guitar. Then time to teach my daughter !!

[InAPickle]

Hi Pickle,
I think you need to go with your gut. You're being NICE, isn't going to get her to change her mind. She won't respect you if you go sleep on the couch to make her divorcing you more comfortable for her. She's her problem, man. If you feel that sharing is the right thing, then ok. But don't be a pushover, IMO.

Thanks IM. I thought and prayed about it alot.
What I do, I do for my son, as I posted earlier.
As far as respect goes, W hasn't respected me in long, long time.
I am not concerned with her respect right now.
I think her biggest struggle is her own self respect.
That's her problem. It's not like I havn't tried to be a good father and husband. I can respect myself, because I know I don't control her.

We share the master suite as far as closet/bathroom and belongings go. I sleep in my son's bedroom and it really gives me more peace than what I had when fighting with W. At this stage in the sitch each time I give her what she wants, I feel more power over her for some odd reason.

Today I told my atty that we're ready to negotiate a settlement out of court. I think the sooner she gets the D the sooner she'll realize it is not the answer to all her problems. I am simply a bystander in the drama.

[InAPickle]

Update on the D.
My atty responded to W's summons.
Now she has 30 days (3/14) to deliver doc request.
It's mostly the same stuff I had to put together,
Except my atty asked for a lot more docs.
My atty has 30 yrs exp in fam law, hers' only a couple.

W went away again this WE.
Even though she's w/OM I am so much more comfortible when she's gone.
I read N.U.T.'s and am almost through Mr. Nice Guy.
Going camping with the scouts tonight.
D17 is having a friend sleep over.
Though the pain still raises it's ugly head,
I think I've reached the acceptance phase

[angel61]

Take care Pickle. I have been wondering about you. I am glad you are slowly accepting and finding ways to alleviate the pain.

Follow your instinct, the feeling of power over her when you let her go means something. The process needs to move along so that it could turn a corner one of these days. Holding back only delays unless there is a reason for it. I guess in your case buying time won't work anymore.