Need Advice!! Not sure on next move? Part 2

[ScaredinCanada]

Dixie,

I am dreading V-Day as well. Do you have any single friends or someone in your family that you could out with on Monday?

If it was upto me, I'd go out with a friend for dinner and movie or something - leave my cell phone at home and just have a fun night otherwise you'll be sitting at home feeling like crap. No point in doing that.

For me I want to be there for my babies, so I am going to plan a nice dinner and I'm stopping on the way home to pick up some little gifts to give them (some candy or chocolate and probably a V-Day style craft).

They'll appreciate it, and it will allow me to remove the focus from my W. I also assume it will make her feel good to see me being thoughtful to the kids - and if not, oh well no concern here.

I think for your H's birthday, a simple text. Just saying, "Happy Birthday" with no "!" or ":)" or anything extra, just simple or just mail/give him a very simple card with no extra ILY's or anything in it.

Good luck!

BITS
SIC

[lostinscared]

Dixie,

Awww... Dixie, big hugs for you today. I am so sorry for all the pain that you are in. It does get better even though you don't feel that right now. It does.

You have to stop saying that you are a fool for fighting for your marriage. These are your values and principles and they are good and that doesn't make you foolish. Remember, what we are told, "be in the world, but not of the world." Meaning, maybe our values here aren't all that conventional, maybe others would have quit a long time ago, but we are holding ourselves to higher values. There will be those, and have been those, who accuse us of doing that simply to meet our own needs and wants. And that's fine. We know what is in our heart. God knows what is in our heart. There will be plenty of others to judge you. Don't judge yourself like that.

So let's think of some things to do this weekend... I have to workout and actually take down my Christmas decorations. But I need something fun to do...

I'm praying for you, sweetie

[2stepboogie]

H said, he would call me prior to let me me know if he would be working or not. If he was not, then he wanted us to meet for dinner. That was this past Sunday morning when I spoke to him.

This is something that I have struggled with very much. This is what caused me to go into a state of anger right after christmas. She said she would call and did not. I waited for the phone to ring for 3 days and when it didn't I was pi$$ed so i sent her a text telling her I was done! What did that get me? D filed a week later. My point is simple.......stay busy today take time to catch up with all your fellow posters, clean house and do whatever it is you need to do to stay focused and happy. This will serve two purposes 1. Keep your mind off your H and off your depression 2. Give a clear mind when he calls. Our voice intonation is very important.

I'm trying so hard to not give up and loose faith.

Everyday is a struggle. Some are better than others this is where we come in. On the low days we lift you up and on your high days you lift us up.

Maybe, I'm a fool for thinking all this.

You are not a fool for thinking this all though we have all considered ourselves as fools at one point or another. This journey will teach us many things along the way embrace the pain it will give you a clear mind later. You give up when you are ready but you are not ready.

How can someone just walk away like that??? I will never understand it as much as I try....I could never do that to him. I just couldnt hurt him like that on purpose.

The million dollar question.........In my case it was different. I ask myself how could I have be so careless. At the end of the day we are all here because somewhere down the line we stopped filling our love tanks now we have the hard work of starting fresh.

I'm sorry yall...I'm just a crying wreck today. Just when I think I have a handle on it.

Same emotions different cycles. If you notice most of my post to others comes in the week while most of my post on my own thread come from the weekend. My weekends are hopeless and painful. I need lifting, by Tuesday though I am feeling pretty good and by Thursday there is no mountain I can't climb. I need that feeling to get ready for Saturday. You are not alone

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.”

[hope2011]

He's the fool, not you, Dixie. Hugs to you my friend.

Valentine's Day... have you seen the movie? In one part of the storyline single women get together for an anti-V day dinner. Love that idea!

The V Day after my ex-boyfriend cheated (I found out in January), I decided I was not going to sit around alone and cry like I did after the XH left. I wasn't married to him, I wasn't completely crushed or mourning that R or even thought about trying to save it so I was open to going out that night without too much baggage. So, I signed up for speed dating. 5 minute dates for 2 hours. 5 minutes - long enough to see what was out there, feel attractive, have some laughs. I never exchanged personal info with any of them (wasn't ready to date and wasn't attracted to any of them anyway). Because I had no family nearby, no single friends... I didn't have many options to get out of the house. The good thing about the speed dating... everyone else there was in the same situation as me.... alone on V-Day and trying to look forward instead of wallowing in self pity. We were all comfortably uncomfortable and had a good sense of humor about it.

Do I recommend that for you? No. You're too fragile right now for that.

So why am I telling you this story? Because you need to find SOMETHING to do. Something fun, safe and uplifting instead of sitting around the house mourning. You won't be cheating on him if you dare to have fun on V day without him. Go see a movie, go to the pound and find a new puppy, go out with a girlfriend, go to meetup.com (not a dating site, it's for people who share hobbies and interests) and sign up for a get-together. Go on-line and look for a anti-V day party somewhere... surely a restaurant or club or group or church will have one somewhere near you. Or go visit a nursing home and volunteer for the evening... they always need help and V Day is surely hard for the widows and widowers there.

Not only will you feel better doing something productive that day but you'll feel for the next few days because you have plans.

[dixiegal]

Yall are so amazing! Thank Lis...your right...we are in the world, not of it. Your words hit me right to the core!!! Thanks for that reminder! That is who I am...I forgot for a second

2step, Thank you friend for being there to lift me up when I'm down. You always point out the "real of it". I need that! It always jolts me back!!!!

Hope, Thank you for giving me so many great ideas! I'm gonna call a local Childrens Hospital or the Retirement Center. That's a great idea. We are having a pot luck at work...I could take a plate of something or just be there!

To all of yall...THANK YOU! When I'm down like this...yall always make me feel better and give me a new perspective. Today, is rough. But, everything can change is a moment.

I'm so blessed to have yall here!!!! This is me giving yall a big hug!!!

[FellOnBlackDays]

Dixie,
Head up, chest out, eyes straight ahead, focus on the goal!!! Here is some advice I still have not yet taken on my own, but wanted to pass to you. Try to stop living or dying by his calls!! Don't let him have that kind of control over you. He can only have as much power over you as you give him. Remember that!! If you restrict his power over you, you are in control. You are looking out for number 1, Dixie.

Come on, girl! You can do this. I know you can because you are a BITS!!! BITS can do anything!!

FOBD

[dixiegal]

FOBD,

Thanks you for all your support....you always make me laugh! I need that....

Today is Friday...this is gonna be a tough weekend....I'm praying for us all....for GOD to work in all our lives.

Thinking of you all!!!

Love and Blessing~ Dixie

[dixiegal]

Good Morning BITS!

So, as I wake up this morning...(yes LIS I slept for 8 hrs!) I'm still feeling pretty proud of myself. So, yesterday yall started off rough w/lots of crying. But, I made myself get up and take a 2 hour morning walk. I talked to GOD the entire time! When I got home, I paid bills and then got dressed (like I was going somewhere).

Then out of the blue my friend calls me. Her H and her Son are pilots. They are headed to the airport to fly. Would I like to go w/them and take a flying lesson???? Ummmm...YES!

So, I did it yall!!! I took my first flying lesson yesterday in a new red/white Piper Sport! I flew the plane several times!!! Its a two seater plane. So, my girlfriends son took me up for hour 1/2! We flew over Dallas, Lake Lavon and Lake Ray Hubbard! Its was scary but, real exciting at the same time...wish I could post those pics here! I only got a little freaked for a second....LOL It was an amazing feeling and I beat down one of my biggest fears!

After, we all went to eat some seafood! We visited for awhile...then my friend and her H talked w/me about my sitch. Yall see my Girlfriend was a WAS 10 yrs ago. She had an affair and etc. They made it! She told me how, they had gone to a Marriage conference Friday night at church and that Saturday morning. How hard it was after all these years for them to hear some of the topics. That it reminded them both of that pain and how lost they both were....then as they were driving to the Airport...they both started talking about me. WOW!!!

GOD is amazing yall!!!!! I don't doubt for a second that GOD had a hand in yesterday!!!! We talked about what I was feeling. I shared DBing w/them. About the LRT, Going Dark and etc. Her H said, he agreed to some points. My girlfriend said, she was so angry and put it all on her H. That her guilt for the affair was so strong...that even now she can't believe what a good man her H is for holding on. While she was a crazy hateful person to him! We all teared up! Then they said, "You have to hold on, if your H wants to D you then let him do it." "But, don't give up and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." "Because, yall can come back from this even after all this time and all that has happened." "If your H wants to come back, GOD has been working on you and your DBing to prepare you for it."

Yall, I came home so excited!!! I have not felt any true joy or happiness in so long. Thank You GOD for a wonderful Saturday!!!

So, now I'm off to Sunday morning Church Choir and then I'm going to one of my old fishing holes...I use to love to go do that. I'm gonna spend the rest of the day outside fishing and hanging w/GOD!

One last note....I pray for all of yall almost everyday. I'm SO thankful for each of you! Yall are such wonderful folks. That no matter what yall are feeling. Yall put it aside to help your brother/sister. THANK YOU! I'm so GRATEFUL for this sight and yall!!!!!

BITS!!

"Life is short, Pray hard!"

Dixie

[2stepboogie]

That is awesome news, sounds like just what the doctor ordered. I love when you guys post stuff about meeting actual WAS and they give their perspective.

Congratz on the plane. AWESOME!

[Firstlove]

ok I have to ask group - what is a BITS ?

Oh and Dixie - prayer is the ONLY answer - seek His will in your life and He will give you the desires of your heart.

FL