But what about Pickle? Are you willing to stay in a loveless M and take her snide remarks until the kids grow up and leave home?
Like water off a ducks back. That stuff can only hurt me, if I let it.
It wont be a loveless M technically; we'll be divorced. And I told her if OM wasn't 500 miles away we'd definately have to seperate. If she goes to see him, does it make a difference in the grand scheme, if she lives at home or down the street (that's where the condo is)? I don't control that.
I would prefer to DB with her gone, but I am willing for the sake of my delicate son to endure her presence for a while. I don't expect it to be long before S12 grows into a teenager and out of mom's apron. She really is a good mother.
Whatever she chooses, now that I've let it go, gives me a feeling of relief and detachment, because I've put it back on her. She's still conflicted, lost, in another world. In hindsight, pressing for the boundery was putting a tremendous strain on me personally, and things got out of hand ugly. It wont be all smooth sailing, but I am growing stronger within. I can do this.
With all that said, I have a feeling she wants the condo, so whatever.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Yesterday I come home from work; the kids are there but W is gone. I asked D17 where mom went and she said W went out with her friends. W gets home about 8:30PM; I ask, "Hey where you been?" She replied, "Didn't the kids tell you, I went to happy hour with X and Y. (her two tailgaters) we were discussing our BUCKET LISTS."
So there it is, after 18 yrs of marriage and raising two wonderful children, she has to climb Mt. Everest or something. Who knows; I didn't ask.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
My W has mentioned a bucket list, but she always implies that she's missing out on something?!
I know she has dreams, things she's wanted to fulfil her life - but we were towards those together. Financially I don't see how she fulfills them on her own?
So I'm not sure if that fantasy in her mind is someone else that will make the dreams come true for her? I agree though why all of a sudden a panic that they are "missing out" on something.
I tend to believe she really means an OM, someone she could truly love and love her while both having IDENTICAL desires, dreams and aspirations. I guess it's ok to think that, but is it really something to leave our M to pursue?
BITS SIC
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
Dude, you gotta stop focusing on what she is or isn't doing...
Dude, not focusing, just commenting on what she said.
I did not start a thread in MLC for two reasons, 1. less traffic and 2. I'm not entirely sure.
What I mean is W has always been a restless spirit, never at peace or content for long.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I am the exact opposite of W. The source of my happiness is not external. I find mine within.
W is not happy unless she's planning something, looking forward to something, doing something. I on the other hand find contentment in the simple life. What she might call boring, I call contentment. So my goals are already met, be happy, be content, appreciate peace and quiet or solitude.
Externally, my goals are to provide my children the fullest life I can. D17 has aspirations of enjoying her senior year of HS and then college to pursue her passion for art and animation. S12 is only in 6th grade, unsure what he wants, save stability and a secure home.
Only when they are well taken care of and on their way to adulthood will I look at my future with external goals in mind. Really all I want to do is go fishing, enjoy a good cigar and a beer with my close pals.
W was a stay home mom from the time D17 was born until S12 went to kindergarten (1993 - 2005) As soon as she reentered the work force and gained some financial independence she begun to drift toward the woman she is now, as Segar wrote, running against the wind. I guess I've been that wind.
I do take responsibility for my half of the failed M, but I do not think my changes now or in the future would have made much difference. Maybe the sitch would have been delayed some, but W is who she is, and I have let her go. Someday we'll both be in our 60's and not growing old together as I had hoped and dreamed, but there's nothing I can do about that. So I sacrifice what I must for the sake of the youngsters.
Thank you all for keeping up with this.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
An extract from “I Am With You” by Fr. John Woolly (fair use)
"My child, you are sure that I oversee the whole span of your life; whatever unfolds now is being shaped, because of your trust, into a meaningful pattern for the days ahead. I stand there at the unknown future, exerting My influence, which is invincible.
Because the love cannot be broken, you must be certain that My provision, my protection, are yours – as of right – in the coming days.
Remember that the material is only a minor part of existence. When there is much which you cannot understand of my present working, just reflect upon My knowledge of, and influence in, your future. Let this give you an unparalleled sense of security, and an absence of all that is motivated by fear."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Pickle... Our communication styles seem to be clashing here...
And it is my fault, I was clearly confused by your title that you needed insight...
Needing it and wanting it are two different things.
I was merely suggesting MLC to give you insight to explain some of the craziness that has surrounded your life recently.
With that, I ask you Pickle.. How can I help you ?
Guess I should change my thread title. It all started out last Nov after bomb went off as "Need Insight" and then I just added the 2 thru 5. I don't think we're clashing, I appreciate the input from all comers. That is why I post. Maybe someone will recognize a similar situation and advise and/or comment. The best thing you can do for me right now is keep us in your prayers. Thanks, Pickle
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
