I have to be honest, I don't think the WAS cares at all about their vows. They are at a different place in their life, and like my W says "People do get divored!".
They wouldn't think of their vows anyways because it doesn't support their position. At one point my W said, "It's not like we wrote our own vows, they were just someone else's words that we repeated..."
I always laugh at the fact that my W can think about the last 15 years and somehow she can only think of "how bad it's been" and how "we were never meant to be together, we both just settled".
We'll be fine no matter what happens, and I do truly hope they come to regret what they are doing - but my fear is that will take a long time, much after the R is dead.
W just called and said they are just hitting the road, they should be home around 6 or 7. I guess at least she's calling to tell me.
LIS, Dixie, Denver, 2Step, we'll get through this and eventually better for having survived!
Me - 34 W - 33 M - 8 years T - 15 years D7, D5, D2 Bomb Nov 10/2010 "I'm not happy and INILWY" W Staying for the kids Mar 13/2011
This morning as been tough! I woke up at 4am to a busted pipe in the spare bathroom. The maint. guy came by 5am and has been in/out all morning. It's all fixable which is good!
But, I've been stuck home since they are coming in/out. I don't know what is wrong w/me folks. I have been so emotional since yesterday. I keep crying and it takes everything I got to stay DARK. It's like a wave...it rushes in and knocks me down. Then I get my balance and I stand up. Only to be knocked down by the next wave.
I miss & love my H so much...I havent heard from him in a week now. It hurts that he hasnt checked on me thru all the crazy weather and stuff. I havent heard from my IL expect his Cousin. Her & I have always been real tight...she told me she called him but, he never called her back.
The weather has kept me from my Choir/Walking and etc. So, maybe that's why I'm so weepy the last few days.
Hope yall are all doing well today-Prayers!
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
Dixie - I think that the weather is causing many of us to experience these emotional waves over the past couple of days. I know that I have had a tough time. It will be sunny again... both literally and figuratively. Hang in there.
And stay dark with your H. You are doing great. He has to BELIEVE that he is really losing you. If he does, he may come around.
BITS Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. Yes, I agree some of it is because you are out of your new routine.
I don't have the first clue how hard it is for you to stay dark. I can't imagine the pain. I can't imagine the helplessness. But you know, YOU HAVE TO STAY DARK. You have to do whatever you have to do to maintain this stance. You really do not have any choice in the matter. I know how scary this is. I really do. It took every bit of strength that I had last night to tell my husband that I supported him leaving. But these are the things that we have to do to get to our goal. I know it would all be easier if we were assured we could get to our goal, but we are not afforded that luxury.
Dixie, are you familiar with Charlyne Steinkemp? If not, look up her website. It is more about religious support for standing while spouse is gone. They don't provide the step by step advice we get here, but they do provide the Biblical support that we need right now. They send scriptures by e-mail everyday that really help with the pain.
Sweetie, I wish I could give you a hug right now. I know you need one. (((hugs))). I'm praying for you everyday!!! Do you know that it is scientifically proven that those who pray and those who are prayed for, recover more quickly and better from traumatic illness? This is why I am so diligent about praying both for all of you and myself. I can't help but think that the same thing healing those people will heal all of your marriages. So when I say that I am praying, please know that I am VERY SINCERE.
Days like these seem to last forever but like any other they pass. I actually feel better when I cry so let it out. Don't worry about why H hasn't called when my W doesn't call for a few days I try occupy myself with little things, anything. At first it was a nightmare I was constantly looking at the phone waiting wondering. This is really painful. I know the feeling.
Now I don't expect her to ever call or text even told her so today when we spoke. I told her if she did not want to ever talk to me again I would understand. I meant it.
She texted me a short time ago. They have their own demons to fight. You have too much going on right now to worry about their feelings or what they are and are not doing to you. Take care of Dixie and only Dixie. We are here for you
Yall are so awesome!!! I'm blessed to have yall to talk with and share these things!! i'm glad yall here to talk me down from the ledge! I would have cracked by now..without yall. These are some dark days for me/us...this Chapter in our lives is not what I would've wrote! That's for sure!
But, I tell myself this is only a Chapter!!! But, yall are correct, this weather gives ya the blues!! Busted pipes are not, I had to get out of that house! I drove to work ASAP..cause I could feel myself slipping into that crying depression.
Once I got to work I felt better. There were people to talk with and be around! That's what the hardest part is...the ALONE! It gets me everytime....
I'm not ready to get another pet...I'm still attached to "our" dog. But, I have been looking on line at the same breeder...so, maybe? I love Great Danes and Labs....
Feb. 26th is H birthday...we have never not been together on that day in 19 years! So, I was thinking about taking a 4 day weekend and fly to Carmel, CA. It's one of my fav places on earth! (I go twice a year and cruise Big Sur) I had planned on taking him there as a surprise...but, maybe I'll go myself and lay around, browse the shops, drink a glass of wine and relax.
Wish we could all go together....the sea air would do us all wonders!
Love & Blessing always~
Dixie
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
Great Danes and Labs are awesome. I've got a real soft spot for the Great Danes.
You going to Carmel is an awesome idea!!! Do you think that you will really do it??? I've never been but you always hear such great things about it.
*Sigh* yes, it would be great if we could all go together. What a group we would be! We'd probably have to hide the alcohol from a couple of fellow friends (we'll mention no names ), but what a great time it would be!
Dixie, you doing ok? I admire you so much for what you are doing. You know that? So many of us do. We all talk a big game telling you that you need to stay dark, but the truth is that we know how darn hard that is. I'm proud of you, Sweetie.
Dixie, Sweetheart, STAY DARK!!!! Yes, it will be hard. I had to do it for almost two months. It was very, very hard. I wouldn't lie to you. But, your H has a real problem with respect and how he treats you. Don't get mad at me, but I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. You have been really cool here and you don't deserve to be treated this way. You need to make him face that you are getting tired of being his "insurance policy" and you are ready to start standing up for yourself. Do it! Tonight I was bestowed the title of "Captain of the BITS" by 2step. My first official act as captain is to order you to stay dark and think of Dixie FIRST. Got it, soldier?
You have some many great friends here that will provide you with support and love. Take this and wrap yourself in it. Stay strong! If he doesn't have to face the music, he will never face reality.
Stay warm, wrap those pipes and keep your head up!!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Yall are so awesome!!! I'm blessed to have yall to talk with and share these things!! i'm glad yall here to talk me down from the ledge! I would have cracked by now..without yall. These are some dark days for me/us...this Chapter in our lives is not what I would've wrote! That's for sure!
But, I tell myself this is only a Chapter!!! But, yall are correct, this weather gives ya the blues!! Busted pipes are not, I had to get out of that house! I drove to work ASAP..cause I could feel myself slipping into that crying depression.
Once I got to work I felt better. There were people to talk with and be around! That's what the hardest part is...the ALONE! It gets me everytime....
I'm not ready to get another pet...I'm still attached to "our" dog. But, I have been looking on line at the same breeder...so, maybe? I love Great Danes and Labs....
Feb. 26th is H birthday...we have never not been together on that day in 19 years! So, I was thinking about taking a 4 day weekend and fly to Carmel, CA. It's one of my fav places on earth! (I go twice a year and cruise Big Sur) I had planned on taking him there as a surprise...but, maybe I'll go myself and lay around, browse the shops, drink a glass of wine and relax.
Wish we could all go together....the sea air would do us all wonders!
Love & Blessing always~
Dixie
DG - I think you should go and if you do, make sure you have a fwe glasses of wine for me! :-)
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Yes Sir Capt!!! I'm staying DARK...and praying. That's all I can do. Thank you for your support, its so tough!
Zen, you got it!
Lis, your the best!
Me: 40 H: 39 M: 17 yrs - Together 18 1/2yrs No kids Seperated: May 18, 2006 EA/Poss PA with OW for 6 months prior to leaving. 2nd Bomb dropped: Dec. 23, 2010
), but what a great time it would be!