Pickle you are not going to get anywhere using logic on her.
That is why our advice has been to detach and not get dragged into these discussions.
They go NOWHERE but to Bitterville.
Stand your ground on what is fair in the D. If she wants one she will get one.
You can't stop that.
I am going to give you some words I picked up along the way:
Quote:
W, I've told you before that I still love you and still think that we can have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I've not changed my mind on that. But I understand you are not happy, that you do not feel happy or complete inside.
You need to do what will make you happy. By my side, we live as partners, we share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team.
I won't stand in your way. But I also will not help you leave this marriage or this family. And I will never accept another person being a part of our life together.
I hope you find the happiness you are looking for. Go do what you need to do. You know where I will be.
I used these exact words with my W and it worked really well Pickle.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
We cannot have a civil discusion without venom and button pushing leading directly to anger and a remake of "War of the Roses."
I'll not say anymore to her until after consultation with my atty. on Monday.
[edited by dbmod: advertising] Silent treatment the rest of this weekend. I hope she's pondering what she's giving up for the OM (ie. predator), who is in Ohio and married. WTF?
Let me ask you guys: how do you find someone's email whom you knew 25 years ago and you don't know their married last name or where they are? (W does not have a Facebook)
Last edited by dbmod; 01/30/1102:26 PM.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Alright, this morning she comes out and starts again with the venom. (The other night 1/24 in my anger I called her a piece of crap, she has a problem with that.) She doesnt like my playing "Evil Woman" by ELO. I said I was being passive agressive. I said I didn't have a dictionary handy, "What do you call someone who pursues a R with an OP while still married?" "What's the word for that.?" Oh man, we're getting into war of the roses stuff.
Of course she has a problem with that. Pickle, you have to make repairs on this kind of thing..there can be no good outcome to this kind of 'war'.
Of course she has a problem with that. Pickle, you have to make repairs on this kind of thing..there can be no good outcome to this kind of 'war'.
I know, I know. I just can't handle being bombed, cheated on, and served D papers, boom, boom, boom.
I think the only way we can civilly communicate is through our lawyers now.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
You know dbmod, those titles were recommended on these very boards a few weeks back.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I know it seems there is no way to win in this right now.
You are in a war because you keep fighting her.
You keep fighting what she wants. That is not you or your M right now.
She thinks you aren't listening to her and you haven't been.
I am not saying to agree with her on this other man crap. But that is still HER choice.
If you lay down your gun...
Will she keep firing away?
You control YOU Pickle
and that is all you control.
You want the animosity to stop you CAN stop it.
And should stop it regardless of the outcome of your M.
I understand your anger but it is not getting you or your family anywhere but to a world of hurt.
I disagree with you about the words I suggested.
It states where you are, it is not confrontational, it states that you will live by the only thing you control, and leaves the ball in her court. You validate that she has her own choices to make and is free to make them.
It's not mean or spiteful.
If you don't say it to her that's fine, but read the words ...
It is a different perspective than the one you currently have.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
It states where you are, it is not confrontational, it states that you will live by the only thing you control, and leaves the ball in her court. You validate that she has her own choices to make and is free to make them.
It's not mean or spiteful.
If you don't say it to her that's fine, but read the words ...
It is a different perspective than the one you currently have.
I agree with Truegritter Pickle. I used those on my W about a month ago and it really worked for me. It let my W know where I stood and put all of the onus on her to destroy our M and family. Saying it also helped my attitude towards the whole thing.
BITS Denver
Dmod - My posts are NOT showing, as usual. Can I get a little love?
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
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