Thank you everyone for your kind words, hugs and support. I am planning on having a much more productive day. I know that if H and OW are moving in together this weekend I have to be there for my D16 when she finds out. I will be the strong arm for her to cry on and comfort her.
Have a blessed day!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I was reading through your last thread and found this:
Quote:
Like I have said before I do alot of reading of other people's sitches. While reading them, I have come to a conclusion about our WAS's or MLCers and that is, they are not choosing the OP over us, they are choosing themselves. I have seen many times people be upset because their spouse chose the OP. Let me tell you, they are choosing themselves over everyone, including the OP. Eventually, the OP will see this, and they will decide whether our spouse is worth the selfishness or not. But, we are good people, we would not be here if we weren't, we would not want to reconcile with our spouse. We would have not want to work on ourselves. We are the better people and will always be the better people until our spouses choose the take the high road and do what is right, not what is easy or better for them. Trust in God and know that he doesn't make junk, he has made you a special and loving person. He made your spouse that way too, but the difference it that your spouse is choosing the easy route and you are not. God be with you all!! He is good and loving and me made you!
When a person does something to someone, it has nothing to do with that someone, and everything to do with the person who did it.
When a MLC'er goes out and chooses to have an affair; you are right; they are choosing themselves, and their "happiness" over anyone else who would stand in their way, including the LBS.
They are aware of what they do; MLC or not...if they weren't aware, they would not be playing headgames, lying, and trying to justify their actions toward the LBS.
Unfortunately; while they are deep within their affair; you cannot set effective boundaries in that area; you can only set them on their behavior toward YOU.
And this still doesn't mean the MLC'er will accept the boundaries; they could choose to get even worse in their behavior, simply because they CAN..and in a way, they know it.
Yet,God calls upon us at certain times to stand up for ourselves; that is what our intuition is..the voice of God speaking within us.
I agree heartily that God doesn't make "junk", He made human beings and equips them to withstand the many trials He sets before them to go through.
God allows things to happen to open our eyes to what we truly are; and He often uses things we wouldn't think of to accomplish His purpose.
Although, for example, He hates divorce; but will allow it to happen, why?
Part of the reason is because He won't tamper with Free Will, and part of it is because it seems to be the only consequences some MLC'ers will understand is the loss of the LBS..most of the time for good, as the MLC'er will never be truly happy for the remainder of their lives, NO matter what they "show" on the outside. I'm convinced of that, because you can't do wrong and get by.
Consequences last a "season" according to the Bible, but God never said how long a season would last.
Lorie, you will come through this better and stronger than you were before; and your trust in the Lord is deep to the point you KNOW He has everything under control; and that's a good place to be.
I know God is sometimes hard to understand; but His ways and thoughts are NOT our ways and thoughts; and He always allows things to happen for a reason...we might or might not know this reason down the road.
The important thing is recognizing where WE need help within; and be willing to allow God to change us, work with us; fashioning us into what He would have us to be.
I've not always understood what God is all about; but I trusted Him; and placed my hope and my faith in Him..knowing I would be taken care of regardless of what happened in my life.
In hindsight, my understanding was increased; and yours will, too.
It is still the same now with me; I hold onto Him; and depend upon Him to care for me; knowing He always will.
God will allow us to go deep into the deepest valleys in our lives; but we never walk alone; as He is always with us.
When I went through this trial, it deepened my relationship with Him; and no matter what happened; I never lost my faith in Him.
He worked a miracle in my marriage; but most importantly, He worked a miracle within my life; and helped me to become what He meant for me to be.
The person I became was worth more than the marriage that came back together...and I came to know this with a certainty...as the marriage is a BONUS; not a means to an end.
The road I walked into my "new" life; was a hard one, but worth every step I took to reach the end.
In time, I healed in every way; and became more sure of myself as time went on.
You, too, can and WILL reach this place; it will take time; but it will be worth every step to become what God means for you to be.
And, even then, the growing doesn't stop; it continues throughout the rest of your life.
You're going to be fine, Lorie, no matter what happens going forward, because the Lord does hold you in His hands.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
What a great post. Thank you. I vote it be made a sticky note here.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I've been intending to post to you for awhile. Last weekend I read your previous thread and the thing that jumped out at me is how much you seemed to transform from the beginning to the end of that thread. You have become strong, resting on your faith in God. HB's post lays out a path for your feet.
I had been devout as a young woman but became very discouraged in my early 20s and lost my faith. A big miracle for me, early after the bomb, gave me hope that God was acting in my life. There have been a handful of smaller "miracles" since then. These have given me faith to continue DB'ing, even though I am D'ed.
Your faith will continue to give you comfort and strength.
First, HeartsBlessing, GREAT POST. Very inspirational.
Lori, right now the pain is so near the surface it is hard to focus on anything else. Even when you know you are the responsible adult here and have children to think of. I know this is not really great consolation, but as time goes by, things will and do become clearer and easier, and keeping your faith, letting go and letting God, will be the hardest and best thing you may ever do.
I, too abandoned my faith for many years. Not abandoned, perhaps, but put it on a back burner due to H's feelings. That was wrong of me. I have it back now, and it's made a world of difference in my life.
Hang in there Lori, we are all here for you and for each other.
Wow! Thank you everyone, you have no idea what a blessing it is to come here to read these posts today. HB, your post is most inspirational and shows me the continued graces God has given to me in all the support here.
I will tell you that God has always been a part of my life, but the past couple of years I have been lazy about my faith and feel this time, as painful as it is,is the time for me and God to grow more fully in our relationship.
I want to tell you all a story, when I was in kindergarten my parents divorced. My blessed Catholic mother never gave up her faith. We lived a struggled life and my father lived a life of luxury. We lived in the projects and he had a beautiful home with his new wife and her children. But my sweet mother took us to Mass every week and did what she had to in order to grow herself. When I was in the second grade she remarried and financially things became much better for us. Though she did not marry in the Church, she was faithful and continued to take us to Mass and religious ed. It was this time that my stepfather started to sexually abuse myself and my sister. This lasted for 10 years of my life. During this time, I followed my mother's example of faith in God and knew that one day it would end. It was a terrible 10years for me in so many ways. Finally, God brought my sister and I to be able to tell our mother what was happening. She was shocked, angry, and sad. She threw him out that very day. She never believed anything he said and always believed us. God was my comfort and guide through those years as he is now. By telling you that story I am not looking for pity, I am telling you, that part of my life was the most painful I have ever endured. I will never get my childhood back, but I always had God at my side. What I am going through is painful, you all know it is, but it is nothing compared to what I went through as a child. I know God is with me. He is speaking to me through all of you and many other mediums. God is asking me for my patience and that He is working on my H. Therefore, I know at this time it is during this patience my relationship with HIM is growing and expounding everyday. With God, who can be against us! I believe this and I hope you all do as well.
All my expectations are through God, and not H. I have laid my marriage at His feet and I know God will guide me through this to what His plans are for me.
Have faith, for God is not walking beside you now, he carrying you and holding your pain.
Thank you all for being here for me! God is working through you!
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Thank you for sharing your story with us here. That took courage on your part, but clearly you are a courageous woman.
In my work as a clinician I have come to realize that child sexual abuse is one of the most heinous crimes that one can perpetrate on another. Its impact is lingering and affects not only the victim but those that the victims love as well throughout their lives. You were blessed with a mother who did the right thing even though she knew what the economic consequences of that might be.
In my experience, those individuals who face the trauma of that abuse and work toward healing become incredible, self-actualized individuals. That comes through in your posts. I am glad that your faith has proven to be an anchor for you.
I was just thinking about God and all the wondrous things He has done in my life. One of them was my H. Another quick story of how God works. The day I met my H a friend introduced us. When she introduced his name to me, the thought went through my head "he will be your husband"! I kid you not! I was thinking I was hearings, but after pondering about it, I realized that it was God speaking to me. Granted, we did not date for about 6 months, but we became best friends first. When H asked me out for that first date I was nervous about losing him as a friend, but I remembered what God said about him being my husband. The rest is history and only God can guide me through this time. God is ever faithful, especially reminding me of this wonderful time in my life.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I was just thinking about God and all the wondrous things He has done in my life. One of them was my H. Another quick story of how God works. The day I met my H a friend introduced us. When she introduced his name to me, the thought went through my head "he will be your husband"! I kid you not! I was thinking I was hearings, but after pondering about it, I realized that it was God speaking to me. Granted, we did not date for about 6 months, but we became best friends first. When H asked me out for that first date I was nervous about losing him as a friend, but I remembered what God said about him being my husband. The rest is history and only God can guide me through this time. God is ever faithful, especially reminding me of this wonderful time in my life.
It's His way of showing you that He had put the two of you together; and His way of encouraging you to stand for your marriage.
God knows what is ahead; and we don't; that's why it is needful for us to trust in Him for whatever outcome comes about as a result of the crisis, or whatever else we may face in this life.
His word says He will never leave us nor forsake us; and I know that to be the truth; as He's always there, sharing in the joys and the sorrows..an ever present help in time of need.
No matter how this comes out; you'll know that you did everything you could do to try and pull your marriage back together.
I had to come to the realization sometime during his crisis that my marriage might NOT make it through,(this was IF my husband had decided NOT to continue with me; the Lord showed me this possibility as part of my learning during that time), learn to be all right, no matter what happened, and still trusted the Lord for the outcome.
In time you will see different things, mostly in hindsight; these will increase your understanding, but you'll also see some things ahead, as the Lord guides you through this trial.
One day at a time, one step at a time; is all you can do; placing all of your trust in the Lord to bring you through each and every day.
I was reading what you went through in your childhood; and I have been in a different position; but was sexually abused three different times by different family members.
On top of that, I was abused, physically and emotionally, throughout my childhood....the emotional abuse continued into my marriage; as my husband suffered from his own issues during that time.
I didn't heal completely from all of the damage I'd suffered, until I went through my transition..but God wrought a healing in me that was beyond anything a human being could do.
Never discount the power of God in your life and marriage; I could not have made it without Him helping me; and holding me during the times when I just couldn't make it any farther.
I gained strength and insight from the trial; and you will, too.
God is always faithful to His Children; and He keeps His promises; and blesses us beyond our own expectations.
There is a great deal of strength that literally "flows" off your posts; and the presence of God surrounds you; protecting you; and wrapping you in His love.
This is a place you want to be in with Him; and, though the road will get harder as time goes on; the strength provided by Him to you will bring you through; when nothing else can.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
