2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

I too had a GREAT s*x life with my X. She was my absolute perfect partner. In fact the night before she dropped the bomb we had s*x.
BUT my X had lot's of s*x before me. She spent a couple of years with the "Hollywood" crowd in LA before me.

Yes, fooling around would be a nice option but I have always preferred to be in a committed relationship. It always made the s*x better.

Ya, my X is really good about doing the right stuff when it comes to being divorced and the effect it has on children etc. She is a good mother.

You know I hate to say it but your D is right. In fact I think about that all the time, in that if our spouses really did love us they would be with us. Most of the DB stuff is to just get us through it.

I am thinking about ending this thread and starting a new one called "3 years later and it's time to move on" in the Surviving the Big D section.
I think it's "time".

[christienick]

i'll be interested when you do move on to see what she does.

[whitneypinch]

Ya, me too.

I have noticed her being nicer to me since I have pulled back.

Ultimately I don't think anything will ever change. She lives in such an extreme world of fun, wealth, etc. that she will never really "feel" the emptiness of any of this.

Last night my daughter said she has only seen mommy cry once. I guess my 6 year old son told her he hatted her. I am sure my son was physically exhausted and had something taken away from him by mommy. It's the only time he would ever say something like that. He loves his mom very much.

I don't think my X seems to be effected in any negative way at all through this. In fact she has a much more fun, carefree life now.

[christienick]

maybe she does, maybe she doesnt. i guess it depends if she wants to live a party life forever, or if she wants the traditional family life. as the kids grow, her opportunites to experience that family life go away - but she may not care...

[whitneypinch]

Update:
So, Friday was ski day at school. I went with my daughter.
Saturday morning I got an email from my X "So, how was ski day".
I answered "it was good although a bit cold".
Then my X also wanted to know if our daughter got in the right lessons our daughter wanted.
She just does not seem to get that I don't want to hear from her....Well, of course I do, but not in this way.

I am being just to the point and I do not initiate.

Today I took my kids roller-skating for the first time. It was great. I did not send photos, videos or text to X.
Tomorrow the kids and I are taking BMX lessons at a huge indoor BMX park. My X would love to see and hear about it, but that is not going to happen.

I am just livid over this whole situation !

[Augtan]

I am still livid too, at times. But, I spent two hours on the phone last night with a very good friend in a horrible marriage, her H has had two affairs, still sorta in one of them, but he is also a control freak, she has no peace at all. I went to bed thinking that at least I don't have to live in constant turmoil and anxiety. I have enough of it still, but it I don't wake up with that each and every morning wondering if he is lying or cheating today or with that pit in my stomach all the time. I hated living like that. I don't love my life without my XH, but love it without that feeling all the time.

I have not really contacted XH in over a week. He called over the weekend and asked me a random question, I was nice and answered, that was it. Then, today he responded to an email I had sent him about stuff (not relationship stuff, life stuff that he needed to know) and he said "thank you for the info, hope you had a good weekend". I didn't respond. I am not going to do a damn thing for him anymore. I have been kinda bitter about him and all he has done the last few days, and today took the cake, we have snow here (which I hate, I miss the south so much), I don't have a garage anymore, had to lug groceries in the snow down a path to get into my house, S15 was helping and noticed a bolt in my tire causing a hissing sound and leak...I had to get back in my truck and drive it to Walmart, tire is unfixable and I have to buy a new one...so I didn't get home to sit down with my glass of wine til almost 9 pm!! All of it just makes me mad!! I didn't choose this, I didn't want this, yet it seems me and the kids are the only ones paying the consequences, our lives had to change and XH is just running all over doing exactly what he wants with no responsibility!! YIKES!! I need a break!!

A

[whitneypinch]

Sorry to hear about the tough day you had with your tire.

So when you heard from your X and he said "hope you had a nice weekend" what did you feel ?
Yep, I got an email from my X today about something and she ended with "I hope you had a nice weekend". WTF ? I was taking care of my kids this weekend because my W left me. My kids are in pain and my 6 year old son was crying for his mom on the weekend.
I have not initiated contact with my X in a month. She has been very nice to me each time she contacts me (kid stuff). On Saturday night she sent me hugs in a text.
I am just burnt out ...

[christienick]

my feeling has always been that God hates us. i believe in Him - i just dont like Him.....or Her...i think its amazing that the walk-aways have absoulutely no insight or empathy......

[christienick]

whtiney - read "the short happy life of Francis Macomber" - a short story by Hemingway

[Augtan]

Thanks Whitney!! I am better tonight..how are you?

XH called me today to check on D18, I first ignored his call then, texted him with "what's up" he told me he wanted to know about her and so I asked if he wanted me to call him back, and he did, so I called and was very distant and kept it short. He said his job leads are pickng up and we talked about D18 some too. I was distracted cause I was still at work. I had to really take the time I needed to be able to call him back, because I know he is back with OW#2 again or at least they are in good graces, which I know shouldn't matter to me, but it does. I never said a word to him that I know what is going on, but it was difficult to do that. She is just such a God-awful person and I have no clue why he wants someone like that, but not my problem. It just hurts that he comes up here and is with us and then poof he is gone. I know you are on the MLC boards too and know this is classic MLC stuff, but it is still is hard.

You are doing so great with your no contact. I know it s*cks sooo much and isn't fair at all to you or your kids. I hate where I live and miss so many things about my other life in the south. My friends, tennis all year, my gorgeous house, etc...but most of all my XH's strong arms around me each night, and when I have a night or two of that and then he is gone, it is so painful and I think self-torture..I need to stop letting that happen!!

A