i sure hope so, I think I have been consisitant so fa, granted only since last Tuesday but I am wanting to be better. How long should I wait for her to acknowledge my changes? When can I expect a hug or kiss?
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
Well the weekend went weird. She spent sunday with her girlsfriends which gave me the day with the kids. Played some games with my daughter and my son is kinda on his own now. XBOX guy. But we watched some tv together and when wife came home she cooked a nice dinner. Dinner was a nice family time. Evening I watched the playoffs and wife took a bath. She went to bed afterwards and I went up and told her I was kinda hurt that she did not say goodnight and she replied that she was laying in bed but not going to sleep. About 30 minutes later she came down and said goodnight. That was awesome feeling for me. Still weird because she also told me that she doesnt trust the changes because if has only been a few days. I told her it is genuine and I am realizing how great it is when the kids see me in a good mood all the time and not grouchy. I just need to continue to show my happiness and learn to breathe in and out when things frustrate me. Which I have been doing and this forum is also a nice release as well. I came on here because I was getting worked up. Now I feel a bit better. Just want to give her a bear hug right now, but she is not ready. I cannot wait until she is ready for one.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
I went up and told her I was kinda hurt that she did not say goodnight and she replied that she was laying in bed but not going to sleep
Look Scared, this is not attractive to women. It makes you appear feminine. It would have been better to either ignore it, or go to the bedroom door, open your arms wide, and say,"How 'bout a goodnight hug before going to sleep?" If she declined, then you shrug your shoulders and say, "Okay, your loss". But I can tell you this.....if you said mean things to her or the kids during the day, then don't expect affection from her.
You have repeatedly told how you have said mean and evil things to her and the kids. That can be verbal abuse and it will take an emotional toll on your kids...like you wouldn't believe.
The way you treat your wife during the waking hours, will determine how she will treat you at bedtime. What if her love language is words of affirmation? If so, that ship is sunk. It will be like raising the Titanic.
You've got to stop focusing on the fact she isn't giving you what you need and start concentrating on what you are giving. How many words of appreciation have you given her; how many words of praise, compliments, and a simple "thank-you"? You are trying to make a withdrawal from an account where you've made no deposits in a long time.
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I think I have been consistent so fa, granted only since last Tuesday but I am wanting to be better. How long should I wait for her to acknowledge my changes? When can I expect a hug or kiss?
Stop expecting it.l Focus on what you can give to the kids and HER. Words can destroy people, so you have to give it time to heal.
The best medicine for what hurts is laughter. Keep conversation light, instead of serious. Bring funny movies home to watch. Find clean, funny jokes to tell at the family dinner table. Plan fun things to do on weekends. The longer you can stay away from serious stuff and keep the atmosphere light hearted, the better chance of her being in a good mood.....and you too.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wow that was great words.. I like the withdraw from the bank statement. Great analogy! I will keep that in my mind for real.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
Our anniversary was in November and it was on Thanksgiving Day. Uneventful day other than Thanksgiving at friends house. We are closing in on our 21st year of knowing each other in March.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
I find your responses very helpful.. I don't know how to reach out to any individual in these forums, or connect people to my thread. But would really like to read your words.. If you have some time to look at my thread.. i am sorry interrupting.
Last night discussions all night and it boils down to she has just become tired of everything I am, do and do not do.
I cannot seem to convince her that I want to love her and show her how much I want to make us as a family work. I need her and the children in my life. I want them to know that their husband and dad can be the nice guy they need and want. I want to be that man, but I honetly think she does not care anymore.
Not sure where to go now? I want to keep trying but I know I will not get any pats on the back or re assurance along the way. I get it but sometimes I think I need that in order to keep plugging along.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
Scared you need to stop talking about your changes and trying to convince your w. Instead show her your changes with no expectations. Hugs, kisses and I love you's are a long way down the track. If you need affirmation for your changes post here and tell us what you are doing and how you are succeeding.
I live in Germany and books are difficult to acquire. I requested them thru the local library so hopefully they will come in shortly. I also joined another forum called Men Ending Verbal Abuse & Control http://mevac.proboards.com/index.cgi . I am hoping it will get me in line as well as on here.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
