They do get to hate what they do. When my H says he hates his life I know he hates what he did to it. he once said before that it was him, not me.
That is why when we act nice to them it throws them off, they have more reason not to hate us and cannot put the blame on us, and so they hate themselves more.
But hopefully, that hating themselves makes them realize that they have to change, and that it is in their power.
Wearing your ring shows her and your kids that you are want the M, not D, and that is what you want them to think, right?
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Thanks for catching up Truegritter. I was beginning to wonder if any input was coming.
So far MLC W has not made any move toward me that I can tell. But I'm a guy, so not real big on noticing small things, unless of course they're getting on my nerves LOL. After I told her last time I'll just wait for her to file, it seems like she's neither moving toward nor away, but parked. Maybe she's just waiting to file; who knows?
I have made what changes I deemed necessary like getting my 50 yr health checkups and picking up the old guitar and just practicing STFU mostly, however she doesn't say much. Before bomb I already had a life; I liked me then and like me now. I don't know what's not to like.
All sitch talk is initiated by W and it seems to be only about logistics of D and her "escape". She doesn't air her greviences about me personally, so I don't know what to change in response. All I can do at the moment is detach from her drama, enjoy life w/ kids and friends.
I have been doing the unexpected. I used to always come straight home from work to see the kids and help with domestic chores. Couple times I've not come home and gone with friends, b/c I really didn't want to see her after her trip to see OM.
She avoids me in the house; I don't know WTF that's all about. She is reading a self help book. I'll try to sneak a peak and let you know what it is. Maybe someone in the forum might be familiar with it.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
"What does it like like when you will take your W back?" It will be better than it ever was before.
"Is it at any cost or what do you need to see?" Not any cost; I wont go back to what it was. I need to see: committment, connection, unconditional love
"What do you need to see in yourself?" committment, connection, unconditional love
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Let me expound on question no.2. If you've followed my thread, I would never take back the woman my W has become. She's Kate and I am no Petruchio!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
" My thread is in MLC if you are interested in reading. It's long."
Hi Grit: I stayed up and read some of your thread at MLC. You're right, it is long, but I learned some things.
And it scares me to think that my own thread(s) could get that long.
Happy New Year, and thanks for the input on my sitch.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
"All sitch talk is initiated by W and it seems to be only about logistics of D and her "escape". She doesn't air her greviences about me personally, so I don't know what to change in response."
Been thinking about what I said just there.
It's the crux of the sitch right now.
I wait for her to either:
1 - file for D or 2 - start telling me her greviences.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I was in the adoration chapel by myself tonight doing some grieving and prayed alot. I prayed for all of you and about the pain and loneliness I am enduring. I wondered about finding someone else to fill the void in my life, and the message came to me clear as a bell. Don't do it.
My WAW is still conflicted and needs excuses to do what she's doing. She would just love it, I mean really love it, if I found some other romantic interest. That would free her to fly to her midlife fantasy world.
I remember vividly the restaurant on bomb day. Leading up to her revelation about her exH: "Don't you ever wonder what so and so is doing and wouldn't like to get back in touch?" (I was engaged twice to two other GF's before marrying W) She also referred to my Bday in August where we were out w/friends and I got hammered (50th you know) "I think that waitress really had an eye for you"
Yes, so she wants me to find an OW, to justify some of her choices. So here I am stuck in this nether world waiting, just waiting. This is not just a legal issue, or an emotional struggle, it is a spiritual battle.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
