Quick update, Xmas went well, I had the kids Xmas Eve, then dropped them off at my wife's for lunch, I got her a nice present, and got her 1 from the kids, I only got 1 off the kids not her, but I'm not bothered, I have the moral high ground!!!
Anyway, over this time I have been thinking hard about what I want in the future, yes I feel good about me, but what do I REALLY want, and I know I want my wife back, that's what I want.
So I told her, I missed her, I loved her, and I want to work on things, but its up to her, she never said no, but never said yes, so I left it at that.
Next thing, she had arranged to pick the kids up, usually she phones when she is outside for them to come out, but last night I get a knock at the door and here she is, I told her to come in and she didn't need to knock, the kids seemed as surprised as I was, we talked about the kids etc, she then noticed I had my wedding ring back on, she asked my why and I told her, I wanted to be married, and until I'm not married legally I will wear it, this surprised her and she just smiled.
I then asked could we change a day a I had the kids as I had something to do, she agreed and asked what it was, I told her I was getting a tattoo done, she asked straight away was I getting her name on my wedding finger covered, I said no I was getting a phoenix on my arm, It was a sign that I had moved on from the ashes of our old marriage, I was a better person for it, and it was something I wanted to do.
She was really interested, and asking about how it will look, etc.
Anyway she had to leave to take the kids to the cinema, but I sensed she wanted to talk for a while, the kids had to drag her to the car!!!
I don't want to read into this too much, but I feel positive about us, I'm not rushing anything, but I want my wife and family back, and I'm going to do whatever I need to do get them back.
Interesting development, she texted me last night about something trivial aboutthe kids, I didn't respond, was watching tv, after an hour she phoned, again I ignored it, called her back about half hour later.
She was all where was I, and was I ok?
Just said I had left my phone in the bedroom, anyway we started talking about the kids, nothing heavy, the usual
Then it went onto me and her, I told her I missed her and that I want to work on my marriage, she told me she was scared of it going back how it was, I listened and said I feel the same, but we can make it work, she was going on about how I never talked to her, and she felt that she had done something wrong, my moods, she didn't know who was coming through the door.
I listened and told her she was right, and leaving was the right thing to do, but I want to put it all right.
I explained I was on meds, had councelling, and felt great, but she said that we had only been split for 12 weeks and she couldn't be sure I had changed in such a small time, again I told her I understood how she felt, but I could only base it on how I felt.
I then asked her if she loved me, big mistake I know!!!!, but sdhe said yes, and that she will always love me, but didn't want that life again, I told her that I loved her, I was sorry for what I had done, what I had became, but we owe it to ourselves not to walk away from what we have, and what we could have.
At that my son came in the room she was in and wouldn't leave, he knew she was talking to me and wants to know what is going on.
She said that she had to go and ended the call, is there a hope here, even very slightly?
Or am I looking for the positive?
We are not arguing, not shouting, but talking in a reasonable manner about us, the past, and the possible future
In one way I'm excited, but in another I feel her pain and feel bad for what I became.
I guess now is the time to back off again and let her come to me?
