Sorry, don't know much about no fault ... I'd have to check into it. One thing that struck me about your response though was "I have to act like I don't want the D."
Isn't that in fact the truth? So really, you are not acting at all. I believe that is why we are all here, (maybe me being the exception 'cause I do want to D to start over), that we don't want the D. Don't get me wrong, I want my family back, so bad that I can taste it, just not the way it was.
That being said though, protecting yourself financially is very different, IMHO.
Cheers to no divorced roomies.
Me: 41 STBXH: 36 D: 11 S: 9 BOMB 12/2009 SEPARATED 5/2010 D SERVED BY ME 9/2010 FINAL D When I'm ready
About D: I do and I don't. I honestly don't want to be married to the woman my W has become. But somewhere inside the alien is the person I fell in love with. She's in there somewhere. I don't know whether she'll show up again though. I do know MLC takes a long, long time. I know I will not sit side by side with her and tell the Kids "mommy and daddy agree to a D and break up of the family." That would be a lie. If she wants it she needs to pay that lawer and file. Then I will will deal with it. That's the legtal advice I have gotten. Makes me the victim.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Well this morning before I left for work, she finally gets up the gumption to "talk" - the one she promised/threatened right before trip to see OM.
She said we have to attand a mandatory parenting class and do I want to go together. I said I don't know, havn't thought about that. Then she asked me if I talked to a lawyer; I said no I have only talked to a secretary (but I think she was really a paralegal).
Then she asked about one of our mutual friends from church if I had told him anything b/c he acted funny around her. I truthfully said no I hardly ever see him. This is the second friend whose made her uncomfortable. Like I posted earlier, people are only human; things get around.
Then she said she spoke privately w/D17 about things not going well between us (WELL DUH!) and we would wait till she graduates from HS to seperate (remember she still wants her D settlement but live as roomies). She said D17 took it ok. I responded she's hiding her feelings (just like me on bomb day b/c her personality takes after her dad) Of course W was in total denial about that.
The I "gently" put it to her:
"I can't help you, I will not sit before kids and say 'Mommy and Daddy agree to such and such' b/c that would be a lie; I don't agree to a D"
"What are you going to do then?"
"Guess I'll just wait for you to file."
"Well I want to put the holidays behind us so it's not associated with Christmas."
HOW SWEET !
I expect the EA will fizzle soon enough, but the MLC - WTF knows?
She's in total lala land and does not realize, that when I get served, I will fight for every last brick and penny.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
See a lawyer. Have a consultation. You really need to know what your rights are.
Even though Florida is a no fault state, there are circumstances that can make a difference. I know second marriages hold different status with regards to assets (or they used to), I am just not sure of the specifics.
Your W is correct that you have to take the parenting class. I believe it is four hours.
There are formulas in this state that determine child support so it will not just be whatever arbitrary number someone wants to set.
Personally, I would begin to set up separate accounts and close the joint ones. Maybe for no other reason than you don't want to be a party to any future debt that she incurs.
There are things that you can do to protect yourself, without looking like you are trying to be a jacka$$.
Fighting for every last brick and penny, is going to cost you more in the long run I am afraid. Not just monitarily either. However, that is a different conversation.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I did call a lawyer. The paralegal/secy said there's no point in a paying for a consultation until I get served, and they can see what she wants.
And I don't care about the money either.
She's more afraid of depleating all our resources than anyone, hence the roommates fantasy. Kids are in private school, D17 will want to go to college, money means everything to her now. That's one of my 180's; I used to worry and complain about it; now I don't even care.
Her saying that she wants to distance the D from the holidays gives me a little time. EA started in the beginning of August and by the end of January it'll have been seven months. She's been to see him; he's no prize (I checked out his facebook). He's married, lives 500 miles away; past the initial excitment there's nothing to build on there.
Whenever I'm in prayer I sense God telling me to give God a month. That kind of works out with putting Christmas in the rear view mirror, so we'll see what happens. If she still wants that ugly MF, she can have him.
She still doesn't realize that if I lose the house, I'm not staying to play house dad and be her roomie while she lives the single life. Oh no baby - it'll me that lives the single life - and I fully intend to make the best of it.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I'm getting s lot of conflicting advice about legal aspects.
Forum posters are telling me to consult an atty and find out my rights.
Lawyer's offices are telling me to wait and to not fire the first shot, also about my rights, they are what they are period.
Here's what I know:
W wants to put some distance between holidays and D. If W really wants the D, there's nothing I can do to stop it. The only thing that stands any chance of saving M is DB-ing. As a LBS I can "request" court ordered MC if it comes to court. The $2500 W charged to amex was most likely a "retainer" and she still must "decide" to preoceed.
Here's what I think is down the road:
I fully expect her next "talk" will be to try and convince me to use her atty together to save $$. And I fully expect to tell her I will get my own atty after I am served (which I think I kinda did already)
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Any thoughts on my sitch guys. Things don't look to be improving. She used to keep a picture of me on her nightstand - it's gone. I stopped wearing my ring; is that bad? She had it engraved after before we were married, "Forever yours, her name". So it hurts to wear it.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Remind yourself that for the MLC'er, only half of what they say and do is true.
I notice that you are also starting to listen to God .... once you really pray from your heart you will hear Him talk to you in many ways.
Things will get worse before they get better. It has to reach bottom before it starts to look up again. And bottom is not a point, its a flat surface as well. I am trying to go up but m slipping all the time.
Hope the new year brings a better sitch for you!
Hugs,
Angel
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I have good days and bad days. Usually when I am posting I am having a bad day, or I have some news of some development.
For some reason she got up early this morning before I left for work. I wore my ring and made sure she noticed. I actually caught her looking at my hand holding the coffee mug.
I think she still thinks I "hate" her for going to visit OM. But really I think she "hates" what she's doing. I hope after a while she'll want to find a way out.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
