Amen IAP, Amen. This has been a tough day for me too.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Merry Christmas Everyone. Had a wonderful midnight mass. Didn't get to bed till 3 AM.
W is still in lala land. Everytime she looks my way I see dagggers blaming me for her misery.
If I was keeping a solution journal, I don't think I'd write anything in it. Nothing seems to be working so far.
Just have to wait for her to navigate her through her guilt and escape fantasies.
Friend told me some interesting stuff the other day. After church some time ago he overheard W talking to his sister. W observed all the "short haired old ladies" in the congregation and said with determination she'll never become like that. MLC?
And although I have been accustomed to letting things roll off my back, friend said he and his wife noticed my W putting me down in public (in their company) surprisingly. He even said to his wife, "You know if you did something like that to me, we'd be having words."
Looking back, this past year and beyond, W has done a lot of wardrobe shopping, a lot of hair color and a lot of toes. She's definately fighting the "short haired old lady" path. She has also taken to wearing 2" heels which makes her taller than I and causes her to look downward when in my direction. I don't like it. She's in la la land.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
My H acted weid during mass last night. After comunion, while we were kneeling and praying, he sat back right away and started singing in a loud voice. D11 and I were freaked out. We both were thining he had gone crazy....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Well so far this weekend W has held her venom. She even gave me a hug after D17 opened a special gift we had managed to collaborate together on. That's the first warm thing I have received from her since bomb day (10/24).
She's going to the Jags FB game today w/ her divorced GF's. Looks like cold rain. That's another thing I think might be due to MLC. Before she was only marginally interested in the NFL and the Jags only if they were good. Then all of a sudden this past summer she gets together w/ these two GF's and they get tickets for girls day at the game kind of thing.
I thought it was a little out of character, but looking back, by August she had already tossed me out of the M in her mind and was in the long distance EA with exH. I hope it pours and she freezes her a$$ off, not to be vindictive or anything, but just so she'll begin to realize her misery is not the fault of her H and is all a result of her choices and attitude.
For example, "I'll never be like those short haird old house women!" Well if you're heading in that direction, whose fault is it? It seems her dealing with growing old is all manifested in outward appearence and outward activity, but inside there's nothing she can do to stop the aging.
I guess it does not help that when she sees me she sees a man 3 yeard older than she, young looking, no grey, full head, slender and buff for a 50yr old (don't get excited ladies) and until the bomb - contented (save the normal stresses of life).
I know, I know - I am still at the stage where I am trying to read and analyze her - but I only do it in the forum (mostly)- I swear!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
"Then all of a sudden this past summer she gets together w/ these two GF's and they get tickets for girls day at the game kind of thing."
I meant to say "season tickets", in case it was not clear.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Got the post holiday blues today. Christmas day was "okay" I guess. We took the kids to the movies, but now it's back to.... We live in the same house but exchange very few words. When I come home she leaves and when she's there I'll go. Been trying to LRT under the same roof but it's awkward. Kids are probably wondering what the hell is going on. Been forever since she slept in our bed. Don't know what else to do but wait - for what? Any ideas what to expect - another bomb perhaps? Yesterday she came home from the game to an empty house. S11 and I were at friends house and D17 was out w/BF. Friend and I came home to grab some firewood and she's there. Looked like she just woke from a nap or something. She said hello very subdued, she looked sad. Later when S11 and I finally came home for good, I asked if she heard from D17 and when she's coming home. She snapped, "It's only 9:15!" back to being pissy.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Another little snippet to consider. Just got the joint amex bill. On 12/7 W retained a lawyer - charged $2500 to our joint amex. acct. WTF should I say to her?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Pickle, my heart goes out. Stopped by to visit after you did the same for me and wanted you to know, that STBXH did a similar thing for retaining his lawyer. Took $2,500 out of our joint account for a certified cheque, (we were still living together at the time). I instantly went to the bank, opened my own account and started having my paycheques deposited into a separate bank account. He tried say it was not legal but it certainly was, as long as I transferred over enough money to our joint account to cover expenses.
I would suggest you cancel that joint amex account immediately and get your own.
Although I'm early on the in process in some ways, I have been through negotiating the separation agreement, money, assets and all. It's a grueling time and I don't wish it upon anyone. I did get taken to the cleaners somewhat and although many times I would call my father (hundreds of miles away), to vent, my mantra was:
It's just stuff, it's just money, it doesn't define me. At the end of all of this, I will be able to look at myself in the mirror with dignity and respect.
Me: 41 STBXH: 36 D: 11 S: 9 BOMB 12/2009 SEPARATED 5/2010 D SERVED BY ME 9/2010 FINAL D When I'm ready
And, don't say anything to her. Just go to the bank and do what you have to do. I don't know what the laws are in the US or Florida but I wouldn't suspect any court in the world could condemn you for protecting yourself as long as you make it clear that you still expect to live up to your financial obligations.
Me: 41 STBXH: 36 D: 11 S: 9 BOMB 12/2009 SEPARATED 5/2010 D SERVED BY ME 9/2010 FINAL D When I'm ready
Actually, being the man, I have been advised not to fire a shot accross the bow: No taking money out of accts, etc. anything that opposing lawyer can twist into convincing D court that I want/agree to D. So I have to sit tight and squirm.
We live in a no fault state, so wife's affair has no weight. I have to act like I don't want the D. It's tough being the H when W wants out. I was the homeowner when we got M; she rented and was in debt. But we've been M 18 yrs so that is diminished. Besides D court does what's best for kids.
My only hope is to fight alimony 'cause I will probably get kicked out of my house. W wants to live as roommates, but I refuse to be a divorced roomie.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
