Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Guess I'm not much help, but I always thought "where" you met the woman says something about her. KWIM?
No - what do you mean?
All my friends are from church.
I met W 19 yrs ago at church singles group.
I don't socialize w/ people from work 'cause they remind me of work - no single attractive women anyway - very small company.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I will probably have some to disagree b/c anyone (such as your W) come from church-going background and still do a lot of wrong. But I think if a person goes and picks up a woman at a bar, for example, maybe he shouldn't be shocked if her standards aren't what he is wanting in a woman.
I knew a girl who met her future H in a bar, went home with him the first night. Then when she decided to get back in church, she was very disappointed that he had no interest and wanted to go out and be with the party crowd.
That's all I meant.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Alright. W comes home tonight from weekend w/OM How do I keep my cool?
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Guess a little background on this trip might help. Thurs nite she's packing. So I said, "You're really going to do this?" She says, "Hope you're not planning anything stupid." Which I understood to mean packing her stuff and putting it in the yard and/or exposing her to all out friends and family. I said, "No I don't have to do anything." "What do you mean by that?" "What you're doing is wrong, and you'll pay the price." Then the convo somehow drifted to D talk. I said, "You want it, you file." I know it was hostile and provocative, but she pushed my buttone again. I honestly don't know what to do when she shows up.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
I don't envy what you have to deal with tonight IAP. On one hand, you should be p*ssed as all hell. On the other, you want to save your M. I wish that I knew what to tell you other than don't show your anger. That never helps with anything.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
When my H came back from his fist visit to OW he was very quiet, and I did not ask him too much. Luckily, I had my first therapist appointment that week, and she told me to remember that I could not control my H actions, only mine, so I was able to concentrate on controlling my feelings. I asked my H in an even tone how his trip went, and he started to talk to me about it, and although every word was like a nail driven through my flesh, I listened carefully without getting angry. In the end, he told me that he was fully expecting me to hit him, and he was surprised I did not. He also said that it was more an more a complicated situation and that it would be really hard to imagine anything coming out of it. I don't know if my calmness had anything to do with it, but maybe if I got angry or hit him it would have been easier for him to say that we should D.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Well W showed up around 6:30 PM. Said hello, she interacted with the kids. I had already fed them dinner, so I finished up what I was doing, and about 7:00 PM I left to visit a friend and confidant. I had to get outta there quick, 'cause I couldn't stand the sight of her.
I just said I'm going to do some shopping, which I fully intended but spent the next couple hours with my buddy venting, drinking beer and puffing on cigars. It was damn cold outside, so that didn't last as long as I would have liked. Got back home about 9:30 PM and started posting here, then off to bed.
I went to work today early, She's a teacher so she's off with the kids. Around lunchtime she calls my cell while I am browsing in a store, telling me she's shopping w/a friend and what she bought for S11, to make sure I didn't get the same stuff. She got a little tongue twisted and I sensed her fight some emotion, couldn't tell what, so I cut it short, "I didn't buy the same stuff; see ya later."
So I go to the gym and work out and then head home for lunch, thinking she's still out and about 'cause when she's shopping it's usually marathon. Nope, I get home, she's there. Crap! I nuke a hot pocket and leave, "I'm off, gotta go."
And here I am, I don't want to be on the same planet with her right now.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Looks like she wants to talk...seeing she is hanging around, staying at home, calling you. Maybe things did not go too well with OM, or else she would be in 7th heaven. I think you are right to push it off for now, especially if you are feeling that way. You'll just end up being angry. But aren't you curious? I would be... Looking back, there were 2x my H visited OW. The first time he acted like your W when he got back, and I learned that the visit was dissapointing for him, and caused him to feel closer tio me, almost reassuring me that he was on a journey back home, he even said that he felt he had turned around and was heading back. The 2nd time when he left we were actually close, when he came back he was so distant, and later I learned that at that time OW was almost reciprocating, and he was very happy with her during that visit, and so in my mind I pictured him as walking away again.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Don't mean to hijack IAP's thread, but I am wondering if Sandi, Trugritter, Bond, and/or Sad But Happy would mind taking a look at my thread? You all seem to give really good advice and support... both of which I could really use right now. The thread is "Need advice and support to keep hope" Thanks.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
