Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Sandi
You are the probably the only reason that I would be willing to accept my W back for the kids and not for me. This summer I would not have and she said all the right things and was coming back for us...and well, we see how long that lasted!

I too hope she wakes up before its too late...too late creeps closer and closer...cause these days I have too many of those days where I say I can't take this any longer.

I am still amazed at the return of the fog. I can't get my mind wrapped around 4 weeks ago, even though she was starting to think about OM, she told me that I beat him hands down in every comparison other than that initial spark/connection...so no worries. And now...

Nothing significant to report from yesterday.
W has IC followed by a joint MC session on Sunday. Therapist said she was probably going to work this Sunday so if that worked for us, she would pencil us in. W later commented "C must think we are in real deep trouble if she is willing to see us on a Sunday"

[sandi2]

W later commented "C must think we are in real deep trouble if she is willing to see us on a Sunday"

Amazing, isn't it?

I don't even know how to give advice on taking care of yourself during this ordeal. It seems like it would be next to impossible to detach while in C and preparing for the holidays. Your body may defend itself by causing numbness, so don't be too surprised and don't read anything into it.

[gutwrenching]

Detaching is becoming increasingly difficult. I've got a good C who is basically saying tread water while I try to work on things, the holidays are coming up and its 10 days away and now that it looks like it'll be family holidays, I need to buy a couple things for my W, thing have become eerily reminiscient to the past...after the MC session we are extremely cordial and friendly and good friends again...though nothing much more...and she still has OM...so detaching...wow.

Last night I just kept trying to tell myself to quit thinking about anything I cannot control. That is probably the best I can do at this point.

I could see myself going numb. Part of me would actually welcome it. It might be a good defense mechanism right now.

Thanks again for all your words and thoughts

[sandi2]

Just sticking my head in to see how you are holding up. Hope you are taking care of my buddy.

[gutwrenching]

W has decided she wants to split...again...
Will fill in the blanks later when I have a little more time. But short version is after a 1.5 hour IC, she said she would work on M, I asked for NC, she said ok, I asked for transparency, she said no. I called her on it, and got her to admit she had made up her mind, just didn't want to ruin xmas for the kids.

[sandi2]

Thanks for the update. I've been on pins & needles.

I think it is may take the S for her to finally be hit with the cold hard facts about her OM and just how badly he wants a long lasting R with her. Reality will start pulling her out of the fog and her fantasy.

Oh,I am so sorry this has happened, GW.

[FindingMyVoice]

(((GW))) I'm so sorry for the turn of events, GW. Please take good care of yourself. Prayers and good thoughts to you.

[lostandconfused6]

GW-
Separation was the last thing that I wanted also. But it hasn't been as bad as I thought. You need a break away from all this. Try to enjoy your space from your wife as much as you can. Try to let her go as much as you can during this time that you are separated. Realize who she is at the moment, and that is not someone who adds anything to your life. Know that whatever way things turn out you will be ok and you will find happiness. She is the one making the biggest mistake, b/c unfortunately for her you will probably realize that you don't need her in your life, especially what she is bringing to the table right now. I was the most scared for my son. But he has been ok. Your kids will be ok too. I work with a lot of children whose parents are divorced, and not to say that it is not hard on them b/c I'm sure it is, but they are great and happy kids. I am sorry that you are going through this!

[sandi2]

W has decided she wants to split...again...
Will fill in the blanks later when I have a little more time. But short version is after a 1.5 hour IC, she said she would work on M, I asked for NC, she said ok, I asked for transparency, she said no. I called her on it, and got her to admit she had made up her mind, just didn't want to ruin xmas for the kids.

She agreed to working on the M & NC and then said she wants to S after you called her out about no transparency? Just wanted to see if I had the order right.

I've been thinking about your family every day, GW. I pray that you will have the strength you need to carry you though. There are many here who are concerned and I hope you will let us know how you make it over the holidays.

((hugs))

[gutwrenching]

Sandi,
You got it right...that is what happened. The C had no idea she was going to say that which tells me my W was not being completely honest about the attachment to the A and the OM. She said she would do no contact, and I said I need transparency because the only time you truly stopped contacting him was when I had transparency...and then she said no. And I said so, with that, I have to assume you are just stalling till after Xmas...and she said yes.

I will make it through Xmas. Almost there. I am detaching more than I ever have before. I am the most detached I have ever been. I still have a ways to go, but am over half way there. W drove by a couple of places last night that she is looking at...and it made my heart rate jump a little to hear, but no sadness, no anxiety, no thoughts on how to change that...in fact, I started to want the relief that I know will come with Separation.

W also asked if I thought she was being "ridiculous about wanting to Separate." I took my time, formulated my response and said: no. You know what you want. I sense a lot of the same things I sensed this summer when you wanted that. You are determined to get what you want, so no, I would not use the term ridiculous.

Thought it was a pretty good response. And it wasn't a game.

The longer this carries out and the more I detach and really look at who she has become (or maybe has been all long), the more it would take for me to take her back. She needs help. She isn't being honest with herself, much less the C. I deserve better. I am finally believing that.

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts.