Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

I wouldnt be surprised at all if there is someone else he is dangling. When W and I were headed to S lat spring, and he was still M to his W and hadn't even told his W that he was going to leave, and he and my W were in the heights of the EA...he admitted to have a one weekend PA with yet another woman...

But it took almost 4-6 weeks after that for my W to see the light and realize that he was probably always going to be that way...

And then 3 months later, she forgets again...

I am trying to carefully/properly navigate between steel and velvet. I have relaxed into velvet at the moment because she is serious about seeing the FT I have picked out...she is going tomorrow and just a minute ago said she is going to talk to the FT about whether or not we both on this first visit or not. I really don't care. I know that is what the FT is going to push for though...

[gutwrenching]

We are both going to the C tomorrow, together. This might be her escape clause in her mind, but I am praying that this one I picked out can work some magic.

[FindingMyVoice]

We are both going to the C tomorrow, together. This might be her escape clause in her mind, but I am praying that this one I picked out can work some magic.

Thinking good thoughts for you GW. Stay focused on your goals, and let us know how things go tomorrow. (((GW)))

[sandi2]

Hopefully, he will be experienced enough to catch on pretty fast as to what's going on with her. I'm glad it's not IC b/c I think she would get somebody to agree with her leaving.

In your past discussions with her, have you brought up about how this is like an addiction and that's why she wants him back--even knowing he's not what she needs?

I was just wondering. I remember when my H talked to me about it and I turned a deaf ear b/c I all that mattered was my next "fix".

[gutwrenching]

Yes, Sandi. One time I brought up the addiction and explained it just a little. She was not receptive. Took as I thought she was sick or there was something wrong with her.

My W's sitch is such a textbook addiction from my perspective it is ridiculous. I mean the most recent emails between them was that everything has to stay "light" nothing serious because they are tired of all the fighting...and this is over a computer! All the fighting! So they strike things back up over email and 3-4 weeks later are fighting all the time...

[sandi2]

It's like she's looking for some excuse that makes her turn to OM. I hope the C will at least get her to own the fact that it was her choice from her own free will. I could write about all the cr@p I had been through, also, but nobody or no thing forced me to have an EA.

The A will end.....no doubt about it. But as you said, so much damage may have been done by then. If she would see that he doesn't want to deal with any serious matters in her life...and realize that he's playing on her fantasy just for one reason.

I did not want to believe what was predicted about my OM, either. But as time went by, little by little, it became more visable.

Will be praying for both of you today.

[sandi2]

Am very anxious to hear how things went today, but I've got to call it a night. Have had this M in my heart so much!

[gutwrenching]

Will post more later.. 3 hours with the C yesterday. C said a lot of the right things, but I don't think any of it sinking in. Only hope is in her IC appt this weekend. C told her she has to end it with OM but W said she hasn't made that decision. W said she will never be free of the guilt, C said oh I can help you with that and get past that quickly. C told W that staying for the kids and the security were the right reasons to stay.

Bunch of other stuff, but with W still getting fix from OM, don't think we really got anywhere.

C pushed me hard to commit to staying together through Christmas. I said ok there, but still want to think about it. W is fogged out still and still in contact with OM.

[gutwrenching]

Key points.
C told W she had to let the other R die if she was going to work on ours and working on ours would be easier than working on other R.
C told W that staying for the kids and security are the right reasons to stay and build upon.
C talked about the different stages of love and the brain chemicals released and all that, I even heard W use the word got a "Fix"
C had use do the LL test. Interesting touch wasn't W's #1 and I said so, but then W admitted that is just cause of where we are at right now, it is actually her primary LL and the C told us that we need to touch each other once or twice a day even with where we are at now to fill those needs.

I still think W is fogged out. She is still in contact with OM. She more or less admitted that in the C session but denies that it is any more than friendship at this point. I am praying the C can work a miracle and get thru to her, but my fear and gut are telling me that I'm just helping pay for the next man to have a more stable W than I've had...

[FindingMyVoice]

Hang in there GW. Try not to let your fears get the best of you. I know you don't think you got anywhere with the C appt, but don't forget that it can take a few days after a C session for things to start making sense for a person. After my appts with my IC, I always feel like she's picked up my brain and shook it hard for a whole hour! - it takes some time for all those 'pieces' to settle into their new, better spots from which we can make better decisions. And don't forget - fears and gut feelings are often just beliefs; not facts.