Well been awhile. The kids spent the weekend at my wife's new house. There was a few minor complaints about their behavior (to much energy, sneaking food, waking up too early), but they are 8 and 11. The hard part for me......my daughters attitude was really bad when she got back and my son started playing with his face again (playing with his face is like a nervous habit that disappeared when she left)...but we are 5 days past return and my daughters attitude is gone and my son has stopped playing with his face.....So I am watching this closely. It will be interesting to see if there is a correlation between this behavior and being around their mom.
Overall I am doing good....things seem to be much smoother flowing without her in the house which is nice. Every now and then I have a miss her day...this being one. I will get through it, but some days it's tough to be a single parent.
As for my wife....she calls occasionally. When the OM isn't around she mentions how she misses the kids and I. I have come to learn they hide their interactions with their spouses from one another....either way....Karma is at play big time. Like they say...one can never trust a cheater...and the OM is proving that to the letter.
With my boys even at 11 and 6, I told them mom and I might have seperate rules between our houses, but I expected them to follow my rules when they were in my house, which included the attitude.
PS - you can trust a cheater to...cheat.
When, if they stop cheating?
Ahhh that up to you as to what you do, trust and verify? Never as in never trust them, or give trust freely and without any boundaries.
Personally? I went with the trust but verify.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
How are you? I think it is colder today down here in the south than up in the northland!
Had a busy weekend....booked a last minute DJ gig, parade with the kids, cleaning, and started Christmas decorating. My wife did come up to help pick out a tree....which was weird, but also important to the kids and her.
Right now my therapist and I are investigating the theory that my wife has long term emotionally/mentally abused the kids and I. I don't believe this is intentional....so there is no resentment or anger towards her. More that her treatment of us has caused issues. The thing that started this was my shaking. It is something I have had for years, but has become drastically worse over the last 5 years or so. To the point (even prior affairs) that I would visibly shake (hugs, kissing, dancing etc...whenever there was an intimate moment) when I was close to my wife.
As it is a DB no-no.....this shaking was never tested during the first affair. This time....I decided I was in a mental/emotional place to move on a little bit further. So I have...and there was very little/no shaking involved. My therapist was shocked by this since he believed it was purely a nervous reaction to all sorts of situations. The truth now unfolding (and understand under normal DB this could not be uncovered)is that the shaking is a physical response to her. Just yesterday when she came over to do the tree....I started shaking after a week of no shaking at all. The shaking continued for hours after she left.
So we have investigated emotional/mental abusive relationships...and mine fits the bill perfectly. We only look pre-affairs since that time is more important and less biased by outside influence. Now we are applying the same theory to the children...and more specifically my son. Time will tell if the theory is correct, but it does explain a lot.
So times are interesting...being a single parent a majority of the time (I am in a 12 day straight period of taking care of the kids) is tough, but oh so rewarding. Definitely something I enjoy.
Some interesting days...LOL. Monday school was closed due to snow....so I not only had my kids, but two of the neighbors children. It was very uneventful and I guess the big part for me....is that I am to the point were other parents will trust me with their kids all day. I think that is a pretty big deal for a guy. Most guys would be a mess...I handled it all day with out a single fight or tear shed....very pleased.
Tuesday was of more interest. My daughter has been asking for a desk for months. So out of the blue my wife starts sending me pictures of a beat up old desk the OM found. I had no problem with him picking it up, but it wasn't a real desk and had no storage. So we discussed it and I went to look at a desk I had seen before. So I tried texting her...etc. Turned into a stressful situation.
So today she actually apologized...unbelievable for an MLC'er. I guess somehow I got wrapped up in an ongoing "issue" between her and the OM. It seems he talks with his wife much more than my wife realized. Then he brings home his wife's thoughts and comments back to my wife.....of course the DB'ing guy got the brunt of it. It is all good though.
Decorated the x-mas tree with the kids last night and today took them Christmas shopping for their mother. That was almost fun...well as fun as shopping with an 8 and 11 year old can be.
Hi LFW - just wanted to catch up with your tread and say hello. You seem to be doing extremely well...I do understand the "missing the spouse days"...also have those once in a while...but in general moving forward...same as you.
Quote:
I am to the point were other parents will trust me with their kids all day. I think that is a pretty big deal for a guy
....so do I as an overprotective mom lol....that speaks volumes about you
Take care
mila
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.-D.H. Lawrence
Well old friends...I have decided today would be a good day to update you all. Ironically it is also the 100th day of my separation....and the world has not ended. To the contrary, I seem to be prospering. When she left it felt as if a black cloud had been lifted from my life....bad karma...maybe, but there has definitely been a positive change. My land surveying business has picked up substantially as well as my other side jobs....so I have been a very busy bee. GAL'ing has been difficult because of this, but that is just how the river of life flows.
Currently their mom take's the kids every other weekend. The general consensus on this being very positive, but the battles to get them into regular routine upon return has not been a pleasurable experience. Overall the kids are well....actually maybe less emotionally affected than planned. Parents and family have noted the kids seem to be "So what" about their mother's disappearance. While shocking to them, I do remind them that this is not the first time she has disappeared and as my therapist puts it....The go to parent role has switched from mommy to daddy.
As for my wife....she now lives with her boyfriend (already cheating on her), his three kids, daughter's baby, and daughter's boyfriend. There is reports of stealing, etc and frequent fighting.....I guess the grass was greener. We don't talk often and I prefer that...makes life much easier.
I think it is comfortable for them ironically because it is how they feel about themselves.
Maybe the more chaos the more they feel they are not as bad.
Chaos and disharmony is how they feel inside so why would they not live that outwardly and attract that to them.
Just a thought.
I know this...
... it has nothing to do with us and if and until they choose differently we would be doing ouselves and our family a grave diservice to let that into our lives again.
Be well buddy.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
