Moving Forward

[Pensacolabroken]

GW,

I would have done the same thing. You made the right decision, as painful as it was.

PB

[Lotus]

Stay strong. No matter what, it is better to make a stand and get movement one way or another, than to stay in limbo forever.

[gutwrenching]

She is cracking. Last night, she came up to get ready to go sleep on the couch, laid on the bed and cried in the fetal position for quite a while. When she was finally able to talk, she said she needs to see a C. She needs help, needs to figure out what is wrong and why she has always been this way, thinks back to all our her boyfriends and never had an emotional connection with anyone she has ever been, but now it is too late. She can't afford a C and she has to spend all of her free time looking for a place to live.

I calmly said W, I too want you to see someone. YOu are the mother of our wonderful children and for them and for you and for me, I want you to see someone, promise me you will. She said I can't, its too late.

I then said W, you weren't listening to me last night. I said END it with OM and we can talk about everything. Not contacting him is a good START, but I need to know it is ENDED. If you end it with OM, we can talk about slowly moving forward while you get some help and we can talk about options of staying a 2 income family.

She gave an honest reply: I have not contacted him since we talked and he hasn't contacted me. I can end this with him, I can promise you I will as I have done other times as you know, but then I end up reaching out to him and I have to figure out why. If not him, it will be someone else unless I get this right this time.

That was enough for one night. I said you know what the deal is, lets get some sleep.

This morning again she says, I want to talk to that lady you found. I said you know what the deal is, we can talk about it later at some point.

[sandi2]

needs to figure out what is wrong and why she has always been this way, thinks back to all our her boyfriends and never had an emotional connection with anyone she has ever been

Do you think that is the problem? Did she have trouble connecting with you in the beginning?

This is what stands out to me; she tries to detour around the issue of A/OM and talk as if there is some other emotional problem with her. Maybe there is, but if so....would you have not seen it before OM came on the scene?

Listen GW, I think I know how she's feeling. I felt like I was "cracking" too. But she has to make that decision to end it with OM and no going back. If she calls off the A just long enough to see if things will work out with you...then rest assured, she'll keep OM waiting in the wings.

I'm wondereing why she hasn't contacted him. Isn't this what he wanted? Now she's free.....what's keeping her from running into his arm? Doesn't add up.

[sandi2]

I know OM doesn't live close, so by "running into his arms",I meant emotionally. If he wants her bad enough.....shouldn't he be willing to help with her expenses? This is what she needs to see for herself. When all the games are over and OM is looking at what he'll really be facing, how much will he want her then?

[gutwrenching]

I really think she is keeping us both on a string. I really think she is not capable of making this decision. The emotional connection, I don't know.

I do think she has issues that a good therapist needs to address...that has become obvious.

And she glued together some of her cracking.

OM is playing the same game...keeping her on a string while not willing to commit to anything because he doesn't belive she has it in her to leave

[sandi2]

What was used to glue those pieces together? If it's too personal or long, don't feel that you have to answer.

You said something about OM keeping her on a string and not committing, and it caused me to think back to when I began to get my eyes open. I was told by the DB members that OM just wanted to push the EA to PA and he didn't care if it broke up my family to do it. They told me how he would carefully "word" things so that I couldn't say that he had promised any thing permanent. I started taking notice and discovered they were correct.

I remember the first time it really hit me hard. I had held back from moving out b/c I could not afford the expense on my own. He had told me he would help. I didn't want that, but it got bad enough that I was ready. So, when I told him that I needed some idea of what he could do toward expenses, then I was in for a let-down. It was such an "insult" to me. It was bad enough that I had reach that point of feeling like I was going to be a "kept woman", but when he told me the amount...that was almost brutal to me. When he saw me pulling out, then he said not to throw in the towell that he could do more. But...I had seen that side of him and it was the beginning of the tarnishing.

That's why I feel that if pressure is put on OM, he may do some back peddling.

Have you agreed to helping your W with any finances if she moves out?

[gutwrenching]

I don't know what glued her pieces back together other than gaining some internal strenght.

OM will not agree to help her out financially. In fact, I have seen him use words that he cannot compete with my bank account.

OM will not make promise that he will be there for her but that he is there to listen and talk...but he won't tell her that he will wait around for her and he won't even discuss if he will see other women...says he is moving on with his life and if she is there in another 12-18 months and he is still there well then maybe they can have that dream life together

I have NOT agreed to helping out with finances. Not at all.

[gutwrenching]

There is no doubt from what I have seen that OM wants to push this to PA.

M also told me last night, and she has never said this before, that she is not currently a good mother.

And she told me that if I moved out, she would ok with everything...I replied that is not an option.

And she says it would so much easier if I just treated her badly

[sandi2]

OM will not make promise that he will be there for her but that he is there to listen and talk...but he won't tell her that he will wait around for her and he won't even discuss if he will see other women...says he is moving on with his life and if she is there in another 12-18 months and he is still there well then maybe they can have that dream life together

OMG, this is so much like what I was told......but I think in my case, I was not told so crudly. She is in for a world of hurt. He is drawing her a picture and she refuses to see it. He knows how to play this game. I'd dare say that she isn't the only woman he has dangling.

You know why she's saying that it would be easier if you left, don't you? That way, she can tell those close to her that "you" left the M. Stay strong. I believe you know where and when to be strong as steel....and soft as velvet.