When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

Ok...have to spill it here before I'm tempted to call Gabe and unload all of my anxiety and suspicions.

I logged in to my bank account this morning checking on my balance (which is low in the extreme) and to see what Gabe's balance is since he hadn't given me any of the money he was due to pay the beginning of the month. Of course, that is my fault since I told him it could probably wait until he got back from CA since he left on the 1st. WRONG! The account he uses is what was our joint account so it is still linked to all of my accounts on my side but he can't see any of my accounts...clever, I know. Anywho...I opened his account to check the balance and noticed that he stayed in a hotel the night of 2DEC. He told me he was at his mom's that night and he has been staying with his friend the nights he hasn't been at her place supposedly. The alarm bells are ringing loud and clear. Why was he in a hotel? Who was he meeting up with? WTF is going on? GAG! I can't handle this. I may blow a gasket any minute!!!!!

HELP! Talk me down please....:(

[Lotus]

Admittedly, this doesn't look good. But you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Is there a way to ask him why he stayed in a hotel that night?

[kat727]

Does he know you can see his account activity?

So maybe it is time for the "If we are going to make a real go of this these are the ground rules",talk. If he doesn't want to make a go, well he knows where the door is.

The thing is Mish, boundaries haven't clearly been defined since you guys started back up. While I don't condone the hotel stay, the way things stand at the moment, I am not sure he owes an explanation. If you are going to really have a relationship, all this needs to be talked about.

So 3 options: The talk, Status quo or the door. You pick.

hugs, kat

[MichelleLT]

Deep breath.

Go for a walk or something.

Don't jump to conclusions. He may have had an argument with his mom or wanted to be on his own for some other reason.

When you have calmed down and can handle a conversation with him, then you can plan out what to do.

[oldtimer]

((((((((Hugs)))))))))

The only way I see that this isn't what it looks like is if (1) his mom threw him out or (2) the charge isn't for a hotel room, but for a meal or drinks.

In your place, I'd call the hotel and ask them to fax you a copy of the bill to rule out (2). Then I'd ask his mom if he stayed that night to rule out (1).

Assuming you confirm that he stayed in the hotel and lied about it, then I'd confront him: "Gabe, I know you've been lying to me. I don't know what you want from our R, but I know that I want an honest and exclusive R. That doesn't seem to be where you are. But I'm not willing to live with less."

[soleil]

Either way, he lied about being at his mom's and was at a hotel.

You could ask him straight up what happened.

I like Old's advice: Assuming you confirm that he stayed in the hotel and lied about it, then I'd confront him

[MichelleLT]

Oooh. OT is brilliant! I love the little research idea!

[mishka422]

He absolutely stayed in the hotel. I should have called it what it was.....ECONOLODGE!! No food or drinks to be had.

Still fuming and formulating.

[oldtimer]

I've been to an econolodge with a bar that had a band, oddly enough.


You may be fuming and formulating, but look how well you are doing. Pretty detached, pretty strong.

Remember, you made YOUR choices and and accepted the risks. You are not the victim here. Look how far you have come.

[soleil]

I've been to an econolodge with a bar that had a band, oddly enough.

Random! How was the band, OT?