Still Moving Forward

[BeingMe]

His interests are all work related. He doesn't even take his motorbike out ... hasn't the whole year, spring or summer. He loves his grandkids, but doesn't really make the effort to get there to see them ... a little, but only when he is in that city for a project.

Maybe the best you can do is keep taking care of you, protect yourself financially and emotionally, and live happy.

That is my intent now. I have told him that the ball is in his court. I wrote this email (below) to him last week, after we M twice in the previous week after almost 2 years of nothing, except robotic pecks on the cheek hullo or goodbye, and a quick "love you" on the phone --- I stopped all of that. I want it to be real or nothing.

I just want to make it clear about how I feel: I miss you, I love you. But I don't know if that's enough anymore. I am confused about what you want, what your feelings are, where we are going. I do know that you are not willing to fight for me, for us. I know you're tired, which is why I proposed the separation. I don't want to be the source of your stress and
tiredness. I want to be the place you can rest, and have a sympathetic heart, and I hoped I could find that with you too.

I do wish we could fix this marriage. But, I think you want to move on. You haven't given me any reason to think otherwise. So, I won't fight for us anymore. Just really confused.

The proverbial ball is in your court.

[WCW]

((BM))
Although you were trying to clear things up for your H about how you feel I felt very confused about what you were trying to tell him. The recent ML with him has really gotten into your mind. Shake it off and go dark. Get yourself back.

Have you heard anything from Phoenix? I think he's gone dark!

[whatisis]

Being Me, what do you want him to do? Spell it out, us guys aren't good at "you should know what I want so do it". Often it's hard enough when we know what to do! So saying "the ball is in your court" means he'll sit there thinking "WTH does that mean?" Anyway, you are certainly telling him you are unhappy, want something better but aren't saying what. Just my thoughts.

[Mila]

BM - you did send him a message, where you a letting him know that you love him and you care, but you are letting him go if that's what he needs. If it was meant to be just that, that would be OK. However I you are expecting that this will make him "wake up" you may be setting yourself up for disappointment and more hurt. Ask yourself honestly....what would you like him to reply to this? What are your expectations?

Please have NO EXPECTATIONS...I just don't want you to be disappointed....

[BeingMe]

I am letting go. I have no expectations at all. I doubt he will "wake up" Mila. I don't care what he does. I don't expect him to do anything. That has been his usual MO, and I can't see him changing. It's always me that has to change. Never him.

I will continue with the legal separation, and eventual divorce.

If he wants to make an effort, then he will have to really pound that ball over the net, and I will have to really notice in a way that I have no doubt about his intentions, because I will be turned away. It will have to hit my back.

I have decided the ML a couple of weeks ago was just s*x (he had been sleeping in the spare room until friends of ours came to visit), and it will have to stop. He will have to move into the spare room again. I will be leaving for Europe mid-Jan anyway, for 2 months, so he will have a lot of space and time to reflect, if that is what he wants. The trip to my D30 will be good for me, I think. After my return, we will be selling our house, and I will buy something smaller, while he will continue travelling for business, bouncing from country to country (as far as he has told me, but I suspect he will move to the mainland and find an apartment).

I have done all I can do, and more. He says he has tried, and I have told him I did not see it. So, he obviously didn't try hard enough or in a way that I would see.

I am done trying. I am dropping the rope ... again. ~ Sigh~ He will have to pick it up this time. Or not. His decision.

Thanks everyone for your input.

(In the meantime, he has been friendly, contacts me everyday. Nothing exciting. He has not responded to that email I sent. I will not read anything into it.)

[BeingMe]

Update:

I was busy inputing our details onto a Separation Agreement form online, when I had an epiphany ... why am I doing all the work? He ran this M off the road and I've been trying to put it back on without much help from him. When I finally decide to step away from the ditched R, and let him have at it, once again I am doing all the work. So, I told him, I've changed my mind. I don't want a S or D. If he wants it, he can do the work. In the meantime, I will just enjoy my life and he can do what he likes.

This was last weekend, and since then he seems more relaxed and even hugged me goodnight last night. So, we'll see.

[WCW]

Too funny, I think that is a big reason I am still M - I wouldn't do all the work to get unM for H! Maybe eventually I would have bu we got better before I went there.

Pressures off, relax and enjoy. Stop driving for resolution.

Merry Christmas!

[BeingMe]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL! HOPE THERE IS PEACE IN YOUR HOMES TOMORROW.

[Mila]

Merry Xmas to you too Being....lets count our blessings and enjoy time with our loved ones

[seeking answers]

Merry Christmas BeingMe!